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One step forward, two steps back

SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Forever going round in circles. And im so fed up. I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore and been more open with mental health team about how i feel. But that's caused them to raise me as a safeguarding issue and said they will have to be in contact with me soon. Woudl they contact the police?
Even though I've discharged myself from having more therapy for personality disorder. But I want the help I just feel i don't deserve it anymore.
One thing gets better but there's always something else to ruin it. I just can't be bothered with more disappoinmtment.
Sorry for posts
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie,

    Huge respect for being more open with your mental health team - it's never an easy thing to do.

    It's hard to know whether they would get in touch with the police as that would depend hugely on the details of your situation, and also things like age, etc. If they did, it's quite likely (although I can't say for sure) that they'd include you in that whole process rather than doing it behind your back. At least, that's often how escalation works. This is probably something you could ask them about directly, and they're the only ones who know for certain. :)

    Feeling undeserving of support is something that I'm sure a lot of folks here will be able to relate to. It's surprising how often we're our own worst enemy when it comes to getting the help we need. Out of interest, what is it that makes you feel like you don't deserve it?

    Recovery can so often feel like trying to travel upstream, but as long as you do keep making those steps forward (even if there are steps back too) then that's still progress and something to be proud of yourself for. Sometimes it really is exhausting, but you'll get there. *hug*

    PS: No worries about the posts - the boards are free for you to use as much as you like. :yes:
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much for your reply Mike.
    Ever since i opened up and they raised me as a safeguarding issue. They have left me with loads of voice mails asking to get in contact with them. But i told them i dont want there help so it's a bit confusing cause yoy can't give help to someone who dont want it.
    But i got a letter today to say i have an appointment on Wednesday to see the doctor. Tjey know i will turn up to every appiopment because even if i dont want to go to it, I hate phone calls so won't ring them to cancel and won't dare to not turn up and waste an hour of their money. So they know i will go.

    I dont deserve the support because ive already had therapy from the NHS. And shouldn't have more when people are finding it hard to get any sort of support.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    Hey Shaunie,

    Best of luck with your appointment on Wednesday. It sounds like they've been a little sneaky setting up the appointment for you, but hopefully it will be to your benefit, even if you don't feel you need it (which, like Mike said, is not an uncommon feeling to have).

    I can understand where you're coming from feeling like others deserve the support more than you, especially because you seem to be such a caring and selfless person. But something that I found important to remember is that not only do you deserve support because you deserve to be happy in life, but you also are most able to help others when you yourself are well. I've known many people who have overcome their struggles to become wonderful social workers, but if they hadn't first allowed themselves to get support and get well, they wouldn't have been able to help others as social workers. They had to fight their own demons first. Now, that's not to say that people aren't able to help one another when they're struggling, because as this community shows, a lot of people who are both struggling can be really supportive to one another, I just meant to show how getting support can get make you that much more effective in helping others by giving you a different perspective on the issues.

    Hopefully that isn't too confusing! How are you getting on today?

    Hugs,
    - Mica
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you for your reply Mica. That definitely makes complete sense. I'll see how Wednesday goes. I'm doing a health and social course at moment to help me go uni and do mental health nursing or occupational therapy. So i get that maybe helping myself is actually helping other people in the long run. Thank you for making me see that.
    I'm actually feeling and do very well today. Thanks
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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