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Weight restored anorexic feeling

Former MemberFormer Member NoobPosts: 84 Budding Regular
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi guys,
Just thought I needed to write this, in case anyone else feels like this but has never admitted it.
So, I have been weight restored since august last year but anorexia hasn't gone away. There are some days when I hate anorexia (and call the anorexia a male on these days), I don't get along with anorexia on these days but I still do some of what it says because it's the only way I know to make myself feel better. On other days I really get along with anorexia (it is a female on these days) and anorexia says things like 'it was t that bad when you were ill, you were slimmer then and you were generally happier in yourself, you were doing well in school, etc' and I listen to this and think, yeah she's right, and I do what she says because I'm getting along with her and I believe her. There are no days when anorexia just shuts up and that's completely normal, the anorexia will try and get to you anyway possible, whether bullying you into doing something or pretending to be your friend. On some days I want to get better so I try my best to ignore him as I want to be free, but in others I give up because I believe in that moment, is the only way to shit her up is to do what she says.
I'm sorry for the rant but I just wanted to express the way I feel, and tell people who may be experiencing the same feelings, that they are not alone and it's perfectly normal to get along with anorexia one day and hate it the next.
All my love
Alice xx

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I can relate to this. Although I am having therapy for anorexia, gained so so much weight. Im still under weight. So i don't see my self as anorexic atm. But also get these feelings. And at first I thought yeah ive failed my diagnosised and am a failed anorexic and couldn't be anorexic because at times I wanted to gain weight and be "normal" but that was just the only good thing is that i wanted help to change. I also try my best to ignore the negative things i think. Which is now a lot less then before therapy!
    But thanks for sharing
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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