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Work- Awkard conversation with manager on Friday 10th!

Laura12345Laura12345 NoobPosts: 265 Boards Initiate
so on Friday when I was at work (7;30am-11;30am) a manager came up to me when I was on the shop floor putting out stock when the shop wasn't open and asked for a private chat so she took me up to admin office and spoke to me. What the manager said was the fact that she was worried about me because when she saw me on the Thursday she said I wasn't myself and even when she asked me if I was ok and I said yes she was like I know you weren't okay. Also she said she was worried about my health because she said that I lost quite a bit of weight since she lost saw me and she was like is everything ok and I was like ok thanks just going through stuff family wise and she was like ok look after yourself .

​The thing is since she has noticed about my weight I don't know if work should be aware about the fact I'm anorexic, please give me any advice.

​Also on Friday when I went back to Brownies after being away for 4ish weeks the Brownie leader asked for a private chat and was like I'm worried because you have lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw you and she also asked me if I was ok and I was like yeah got family stuff that's all and she was like I know what you are going through is hard but try and be strong and look after yourself.

​In both of these situations I don't know if they should be aware about my illness

Comments

  • FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Miniposter Posts: 91 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Idk about work, someone else is way better at advising on that than me.

    As for brownies leader i'd say that it's not necessary, unless a situation occurs where you all gotta eat together, like a group dinner or multiple-day field trip. Or it gets so bad that physical health begins to interfere with brownies work. In either of those situations, do tell them, otherwise I wouldn't think they need to know.
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Ok don't worry about not giving me advice on work hopefully someone else can
    ​As for the brownies bit there isn't likely to be a time when we have to eat together so it should be okay to keep it from them for a while. what do u mean by `if it gets bad that physical health begins to interfere with brownies work`
    I'm guessing you mean not to tell them and that you had a spelling mistake!!!
  • FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Miniposter Posts: 91 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Laura12345 wrote: »
    what do u mean by `if it gets bad that physical health begins to interfere with brownies work`

    As in, if you get to the point where you faint during the day, or find yourself unable to do strenuous activties that you are asked to do without hurting yourself (e.g. anything that can be classed as extensive exercise) then it's time to tell them.
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi thanks for the reply. ok thanks for clarifying that for me , I don't want work to know at the moment, I just don't want work to think I'm not able enough to do my job probably
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some employers discriminate against people on health grounds. I'm not aware of any law or rule that says that you have to tell anyone at either place. If you're still doing things well, you can keep it to yourself.

    If you're underweight, people are likely to notice that. If you're significantly underweight, you may need help in regard to that.

    Is this manager the same one who had a problem with you earlier this year?
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi Robert. thanks for the reply. I know the manager just wanted to check I was okay but it has now had the opposite effect and made me feel worse about going to work. That's good because I don't want either place to know about my illness. I am able to still do my job so it should be okay not to tell anyone for now. I am underweight but I'm getting help as they said I'm at the early stages of being anorexic but I'm getting that sorted before it gets worse. The manager is a different manager, not the one that has had a problem with me before.
  • micamica Moderator Posts: 98
    Hi Laura,

    Great that you're using the boards to get support for this! It's definitely up to you to decide what is best for you. Although, perhaps consider the possible support your manager or brownies leader could give you in keeping yourself accountable and making sure you take lunch and have enough time to eat a proper meal. It's just a thought. As uncomfortable as the conversations may have been, it sounds like you have many people there to look out for you, which is really positive.

    How are you feeling today?
    - Mica
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi Mica. I don't really want to tell a manager or the Brownie leader about it at the moment. Yeh the conversations have made me feel unconfortable and I know they are trying to help me but its hard to speak about . I don't want to tell them because there isn't likely to be a time when I need to eat with them. I need to speak to a manager at work today anyway linked to another situation at work (see bad weekend at work post) so if I feel comfortable I might bring it up then but if not I will keep it to myself and only tell someone when I think its necessary.

    ​Not feeling good about myself right now too be honest as another comment was made at work yesterday that made me feel self conscious. At the moment I don't feel I want to work
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi. An update on everything. On Friday at Brownies I spoke to the Brownie leader about being underweight but she misheard and thought I was moving away because of my cousin and for me to keep her updated, since Friday ive sent her an email to explain what I actually said so I will see what she replies to it. I'm nervous about going back to work on Wednesday because I'm still feeling really self conscious and right now got a lot on my mind and don't feel I can deal with work.
  • micamica Moderator Posts: 98
    Hey laura,

    Thanks for the update. That was really brave of your to open up to your brownie leader, so pat yourself on the back for that! Hopefully being honest with her will make you feel more at ease around her.
    I'm sorry to hear work is still making you self-conscious. While easier said than done, you might try to remind yourself that people tend to be very caught up in their own worlds, especially at work when they're busy, so it's more than likely that they aren't noticing your body because they are so wrapped up in their own thoughts. Because we live in our own heads, it's easy to feel like the whole world is watching when in fact everyone is equally distracted.

    Thanks again for getting back to us. Wishing you the best at work. If you'd like, let us know how the brownie leader responds to your email.

    - Mica
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hey Mica. thanks for the reply. Yeh I felt it was about time to open up to the Brownie leader because of the fact I'm starting to get really self conscious again because of my weight. Yeh it will make me feel better now that I have been open with her so ill wait and see what happens when she replies to the email and I will let you know what the response is. Yeh I'm still really self conscious at work because of my weight but also the fact that one of the managers has spoken to me about my weight. I'm nervous about going back to work on Wednesday,
  • micamica Moderator Posts: 98
    Hey Laura,

    Just wanted to wish you the best at work today! Hope you're able to feel a little less self conscious. :)

    - Mica
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    thanks Mica for the reply. I'm not feeling good about myself right now and the news from my scan hasn't helped matters. I'm feeling really emotional still and don't know if I`ll have the confidence to hand the note in to my manager today about what I'm going through.
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi All x An update on work things. I did manage to hand in the note to one of the managers on Wednesday last week about my cousins illness and the fact that I thought it would be easier to be off tills for a while and have my own section to focus on as a distraction and she said she was glad that I brought it to her attention because she knows I haven't been myself at work recently and now she knows why she said she wants to be able to help as much as possible, she said she would pass it on to the manager for downstairs and see if its possible for that to happen. On Saturday however I had a meeting with the downstairs manager (in earlier posts this is the same manager that I reported!!!) and she said I was making excuses for wanting to be off tills as she said I've always been a happy strong confident person at work that she thought I was making it up about my cousins illness. When she said this the comment hurt so much and too be honest I didn't want her to know in the first place about my cousin but the manager I gave the letter to said I should tell her because she is the manager for downstairs. When she spoke to me on Saturday what she was trying to get out of me about my cousin was making it harder and harder for me to speak to her and also made it harder to control my emotions. Ever since she made the comment on Saturday it has really hurt me and hasn't made work easy. Yesterday as soon as I got to work my supervisors could see I wasn't myself and they said they would keep me oft tills as much as possible because they both know that's the worse place for me to be when I'm not feeling good. I got annoyed with certain members of staff yesterday and I feel bad for doing it as they had done nothing wrong, I did apologise to them however and they said it was ok as they knew it wasn't my fault that I got at them because they could tell I wasn't in a good mood. One of the members of staff really opened up to me yesterday and too be honest I feel really bad for him for some of the things he said to me. I still lack so much self confidence too be honest and also because of my scan results on the 22/3 I still don't feel good about things. I have opened up to a few members of staff at work about the result of the scan and they are keeping it to themselves and are being as supportive as they possibly can!

    ​An update on letting the Brownie leader know, she still hasn't replied to my email that I sent her on the 17/3 and she is normally pretty good at replying to my emails so I don't know if its because she hasn't seen it yet or if its because she has seen it and forgotten to reply. Either way I don't know what she thinks about the situation which is making me anxious about going to Brownies on Friday. I didn't go the Friday just gone because I was at a music concert.

    ​Would appreciate as many replies as possible, thanks everyone for all your support so far x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You haven't told us what the scan results are.

    Another possible reason for the Brownie leader not replying is that she doesn't know what to say to you in reply to your email to her. Some people don't understand.
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    It shows that I'm pregnant and I don't know if I'm happy about this because of what I went through 2 years ago. Ok that's a good point about why the Brownie leader may not have replied, she might wait to speak to me in person about it on Friday. I don't know what to do about work right now because really not feeling good about things, Wednesday I was fine speaking to the manger about my cousin but by Saturday and speaking to the other manger everything changed!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't know whether or not you're pleased to be pregnant? Did you want to become pregnant? Is the father pleased? Are your family and his family pleased? Had you been trying to conceive for quite a long time? Is this your first pregnancy?
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    I don't know if I'm pleased or not too be honest because of what I went through 2 years ago (see the post tragic event 2 years ago....) post about the pregnancy on that post. I want this post to be linked to the work situation and the Brownie leader thing
  • Pink+fluffyPink+fluffy Noob Posts: 84
    I'm sorry about your work situation, some people really just don't understand, and that can be hard for us, especially when it affects you in this way, making it hard for you to go to work. But it's great to here that your supervisors are trying to keep you off the tills, maybe you could get them to back you up about not being on the tills to the manager?

    I know that the pregnancy results must be difficult for you right now, maybe you should talk to a family member about it?xx
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi Pink and Fluffy thanks for the reply xx yeah my work situation is really difficult right now, I'm thinking of maybe speaking to the other manager downstairs because I know he will be more understanding but at the same time I'm worried if I do that the manager ive already spoken to will get annoyed with me for approaching the other manager about it. I just dont feel more hurt at work now she said what she has said instead of better which is what I was hoping when I brought it to works attention in the first place!!! Yeh she didn't understand and I didn't really want to talk to her about it in the first place, it was the manager that I told on Wednesday that said the downstairs manager needed to know and because she is the main manager for downstairs for my section she was the one that needed to know. We do have another manager for the section who has only just started on the section but I feel that I probably should talk to him instead. What the manager on Saturday was trying to get out of me about my cousin has made even harder because she was trying to get as much information as possible and too be honest I didn't want to give it but didn't have much choice and plus it made it harder to be strong about the whole situation. yeh the manager from Saturday clearly didn't understand how hard this situation has been for me unlike the one I spoke to on Wednesday. The one I spoke to on Wednesday was like I know you haven't been yourself recently and now I know I will help you as much as possible and you are brave to be continuing to work with what you are going through so if you would prefer to be off tills for the time being that's what we will try and do.. It was completely different reaction to Saturdays manager. After what the manager said to me on Saturday it was hard to have the confidence to go to work yesterday but I did go in and that's when the supervisors said I wasn't myself and kept me off the tills as much as possible. Hopefully if I have the confidence to speak to the other manager it would sort things out better.

    ​Yeh the pregnancy results are hard to deal with right now and I spoke to my auntie earlier about it
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    Hey Laura,

    I'm so sorry to hear what this manager said to you, I can understand how upsetting this must have been to hear. I think handing in that note to the first manager shows such courage and you should be really proud of yourself for being so brave. Have you been able to tell the understanding manager what this manager said to you?

    You mentioned you've been able to open up to your managers about your cousin and how it's affecting you. Have you been able to open up to them about your mental health?

    There's a bit of information the Time For Change website here about your rights in the workplace and also about your rights for reasonable adjustments in the workplace. There's also a bit of information the Mind website which has examples on letters to write to your workplace and also information about examples of adjustments, such as changes to your working area. - hope these are helpful :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hey Aife. Yeh what the manager said was so hurtful and when I spoke to a member of staff about it she said I should speak to the understanding manager again because if it hurt my feelings I shouldn't have to deal with it. I just felt it was about time that work were aware of what I was going through although it took a while to have the confidence to do this. I haven't spoken to the understanding manager because I don't want to get the other manager into trouble and plus I have told on this manager before so it will look bad to do it again. Yeh ive been open to the manager about my cousin but don't feel I can talk to them about my mental health, they do know about my anxiety though. Thanks for the links ill have a look
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    Heyy Laura,

    That's good to hear you were able to speak to another member of staff about what this mean manager said. How are things going at the moment? Have you had any more trouble from this manager?

    It can be hard to know who to talk to and for many of us we do worry about getting people in trouble but it's important you feel comfortable at work as we spend a lot of time there. I hope things are getting better at work, do keep posting here whenever you need to, we are here for you :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hi Aife. Thanks for getting back to me. Yeh spoke to another member of staff about what the mean manager said because the comment really hurt me and at times it was stopping me from wanting to go into work just in case anything happened again. I haven't had any more trouble with the manager so I haven't said anything about what she said to me and how it hurt me because I don't want her to be in trouble. If anything else happens between us then I will say something. Work isn't going too badly at the moment although I caused myself a injury on Friday which led to me feeling sick after it happened and needing a first aider. Bascially on Friday I was doing stock and I lifted a box then my wrist clicked and I went all dizzy and sick so I went to the first member of staff that was around and she quickly got a first aider who then put ice on my wrist. since my injury managers have been checking I'm fit to be at work because of my wrist. I went to the doctors earlier today because my wrist was still painful and I now know its a sprain so I'm just gonna take it steady at work which isn't going to be easy tomorrow or Wednesday when I'm on the early shift doing stock before the shop opens!!!! I am starting to get emotional at work again and too be honest its been worse since I had the injury on Friday if that makes any sense. I think its because the pain is getting to me that I then start thinking about other stuff
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    Hey Laura,

    That's good to hear that things are getting a little bit better at work and that you've not had any more trouble with the manager. I'm sorry to hear about your injury to your wrist - it sounds really painful, hope it gets better soon. It's okay to feel emotional at work, especially after your injury - sometimes things can get a bit too much, but it's really great step you're talking about how you feel. Do you feel writing things out helps? Taking it easy at works sounds like a good idea or even asking other people for a bit of help if you have to do any heavy lifting.

    Hope you're wrist get's better soon :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Laura12345Laura12345 Noob Posts: 265 Boards Initiate
    Hey Aife. Yeh things have been getting better at work especially since yesterday I had to speak to a supervisor about what is going on with my cousin cause she saw me crying on my break and she was so nice to me after it and today at work as she knew I still wasn't myself. Thankfully my wrist has nearly recovered. I had to ask for help with lifting heavy things because of my wrist and the supervisor was making sure I didn't do anything that would make it worse! Thanks x
  • DreaDrea The Mix Posts: 292 Budding Regular
    Hey Laura,

    Hope you're well and good to hear that your wrist is doing better!

    Drea:heart:
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