Expensive date with scammer

Former Member

I recently went on a date with a girl from work, who had been frequently directly flirting with me and whom explicitly indicated that she was sexually attracted to me. She decided where we would go and what we would do on the date.

I politely suggested that we go halves on the cost, which she immediately dismissed and told me to never suggest that to any girl, ever, under any circumstances.

At the end, I went to kiss her, but she pushed me away. I asked her why, to which she said: "I don't fancy you - and I don't kiss anyone I don't fancy". I asked her why she strongly flirted with me at work and made an enthusiastic free choice to go on a date with me. She said: "because I wanted a night out". I asked her why she misled me and involved me in that. She said: "Because I wanted a night out for free".

She's now ridiculing me at work for being such a mug. She told me that I must be both foolish and arrogant to think that any girl (let alone someone as hot as her) would ever fancy me.

She's a temp and will be leaving soon, but how can I avoid being scammed again in a similar way by another girl? I don't know how common this is, but I'm an extremely unlucky person and need to know how to prevent a recurrence of this. Is there a way to tell the difference between real flirting and flirting for an ulterior motive?

Former Member

I direct you to this: http://www.thebookoflife.org/why-flirting-matters/

At what point did you suggest going halves on the cost?

I think from reading your posts that your issue is not trying to work out the difference between real flirting and flirting for an ulterior motive, but between identifying genuine people and con artists. I think you have this problem with males too after having read some of your posts on friendships.

Former Member

I suggested it early on in the date. Is there a particularly good time to ask? I've asked at different points on dates with different girls, but not one of them has reacted positively or neutrally.

The difference between flirting to indicate sexual attraction (which is the only reason that I ever flirt) and flirting to trick someone into thinking that you're sexually attracted to them are two very different motives. The first is honest and has a genuine purpose. The latter is dishonest with the intent to trick someone. I'm not anti-flirting; I'm anti-scamming.

Telling the difference between the different types of flirting is one of the components of determining the difference between genuine people and con artists.

Yes - I've been conned, misled etc. by many males as well as many females. I'm extremely unlucky and I must stand out as an obviously easy target, but I can't work out what makes me appear that way.

Former Member

Hi Robert, thanks for sharing your experience, especially as I understand this must be difficult and frustrating for you. Personally I don't think there are right and wrong answers about how you should act on dates and although some people may have certain ideas about who should pay, I think that this is something for you to decide with whoever you are on the date with. It sounds as if the girl from your work was insensitive about the effect that her actions would have on you and it's unfortunate that you were put in an uncomfortable situation. Do you have any more dates coming up? One option might be to not focus on the flirting aspect so much and just try to get to know the person you are meeting a little better, - do you have any common interests or hobbies, for example? This might give you a gut feeling as to whether this feels right for you - because that's what's most important!

Former Member

I thought that I did know her well before the date, because we'd worked together for weeks and had many conversations. She gave me the impression that we did have a lot in common - which made me think that we were well-suited to each other. She has since told me that she pretended to share my interests, likes & dislikes etc. in order to get me to take her out.

She wasn't merely insensitive - she lied to me and conned me.

I don't get a choice. Every girl whom I've gone on dates with has expected and demanded that I pay for everything.

independent_

OMG... As a female, I honestly don't get why some other women do this and also expect the man to pay... But that's a topic for another day...

I'm not the most experienced person in the way of dating and scammers but I'd say the best thing to do would be to use your good judgement on specific dates you are on. I mean, it is good that this girl told you sooner rather than later about this, a liar isn't a good partner anyway!

Former Member

She was lying to me for weeks before the date, pretending that she was attracted to me and pretending to share my interests. She didn't just scam me to get free food, drink, a cinema ticket etc. - she also clearly got a kick out of conning me.

I don't have good judgement. I've tried hard to develop a good sense of judgement, but I don't know how to. I'm also extremely unlucky.

Many girls have done a similar thing to me - this isn't a one-off.