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When will I stop caring?
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi its my first post on here 
I initially came on just look at things but you all seem really supportive so thought i'd give it a try since I find it hard to talk to friends/family as I feel like I just complain all the time.
I'll try keep this as short as possible. I'm 22 and had been with my ex nearly 3 years, it was never perfect as he was always flirting with other girls and only really cared about himself but you don't realise these things at the time. About march/april last year I found out he was talking to a girl he had met on a night out and had met her for drink while we were still together. He knew I knew but continued doing it, then someone told me he was cheating on me with her. He basically denied this and broke up with me. Then for months after kept not talking to or seeing me then coming back to me in some way. We had an expensive holiday booked with his family for September and I was going to cancel my space but every time he came back to me I thought we would sort it out and I didn't cancel the holiday, saying things like he missed me and didn't like the other girl. We went on holiday, it was fine in general, we had sex a few times but nothing coupley and he was still talking to the girl he cheated on me with the whole time.
After the holiday I cut him off telling him he needed to decide and I couldn't cope anymore. He was all sad about it and ended up drunk texting me that night so we continued to talk. Then one day he randomly stopped replying and got in a relationship with the other girl without saying a word to me since. This was in November I think.
I just can't sort myself out of this rut now, its constantly on my mind and makes me really angry to the point where I want to hurt myself (I've been SH since I was 13), I just want to know how to move on and stop caring. I want to be able to be happy and maybe meet someone new eventually, but the memory of him just messes my head up. How are you meant to trust anyone? I know hes just a boy and theres much worse things to happen but i'm just sick and tired of feeling crap.
I initially came on just look at things but you all seem really supportive so thought i'd give it a try since I find it hard to talk to friends/family as I feel like I just complain all the time.I'll try keep this as short as possible. I'm 22 and had been with my ex nearly 3 years, it was never perfect as he was always flirting with other girls and only really cared about himself but you don't realise these things at the time. About march/april last year I found out he was talking to a girl he had met on a night out and had met her for drink while we were still together. He knew I knew but continued doing it, then someone told me he was cheating on me with her. He basically denied this and broke up with me. Then for months after kept not talking to or seeing me then coming back to me in some way. We had an expensive holiday booked with his family for September and I was going to cancel my space but every time he came back to me I thought we would sort it out and I didn't cancel the holiday, saying things like he missed me and didn't like the other girl. We went on holiday, it was fine in general, we had sex a few times but nothing coupley and he was still talking to the girl he cheated on me with the whole time.
After the holiday I cut him off telling him he needed to decide and I couldn't cope anymore. He was all sad about it and ended up drunk texting me that night so we continued to talk. Then one day he randomly stopped replying and got in a relationship with the other girl without saying a word to me since. This was in November I think.
I just can't sort myself out of this rut now, its constantly on my mind and makes me really angry to the point where I want to hurt myself (I've been SH since I was 13), I just want to know how to move on and stop caring. I want to be able to be happy and maybe meet someone new eventually, but the memory of him just messes my head up. How are you meant to trust anyone? I know hes just a boy and theres much worse things to happen but i'm just sick and tired of feeling crap.
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Comments
Do you enjoy any aspects of your life?
I do have a good life and plenty of things to be happy about, just sometimes I feel really down for no apparent reason or happening
All my close friends are living with their boyfriends and always going places with them so that doesn't help being the only single one
I can really relate to this feeling and it sucks but the only way is up. I find that keeping myself occupied helps whether that be it film, visiting places or being with my favourite people
@Notagainvitelina yeah in some ways being without him makes my life easier, I have time to do whatever I want with whoever I want
You are definitely not alone in feeling confused and hurt after the end of a relationship. It's very normal to feel sad when things end, even if the relationship wasn't always rewarding. Like notagainvitelina said, you tend to remember/miss the good things more than the bad. In my opinion (which could easily be wrong for you, but I'll give it to you just in case it helps), you're doing a great job by having separated yourself from him via social media. Perhaps you can reach out to your friends and ask them to do more "girls nights" with you so you don't feel as lonely-- and I bet they would enjoy the chance to just be silly and girly too without their boyfriends. I am a strong believer that it will get easier with time; he was a big part of your life for an extended amount of time, and it will just take time to adjust to a new way of being again.
How are you getting on today? wishing you the best!
- mica
Yeah I guess its just a process of time and healing, I've had breakups before but never like this so i'm not sure what i'm meant to do. The girls are great, they're good friends and we do things just us sometimes. Its just times where its like 'are we bringing boyfriends?' Oh yeah ill bring my invisible one haha. and the fact they all live together.
I'm feeling okay today
First of all thank you for saying we're supportive here, means a lot! Secondly, what you're going through is very common and loads of people go through it unfortunately. The good thing is that the way that you're feeling is very temporary! It's natural to feel the way that you do after a break up especially since you've had strong feelings for him for so long. It isn't a feeling that will often go overnight, but naturally when you have feelings for someone it's harder to let go with all the memories you have.
Regardless, you deserve to be happy, and whether that means just working on yourself and doing what makes you happy, or going out and meeting new people and potentially getting into a relationship again, then so be it! There is nothing wrong with doing either of those things. With the self-harming, that's a more serious subject to talk about. We aren't experts here so we can't give you many tips etc... But if you're comfortable with it, it may be good to visit an expert to talk about how to stop the self-harming. There are places that you can call to ask for help anonymously and talk to experts which you may be more comfortable with (we'll link those down below). But for now, try your best to focus on the fact that you deserve to be happy and you deserve someone who will make you just as happy as you would make them! It is of course hard, but it could be beneficial to try to not focus on the past and just think of making new memories and starting afresh! We are all here for you if you need us and do not hesitate to contact us again! Hope you have a better day today
Hugs from Drea
Links:
- http://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/help-and-support-with-self-injury/tess-text-and-email-support-service/
- http://www.samaritans.org/
I'm not criticising you - I'm trying to understand how you feel so that I can try to advise you.
@Past User hi