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Intrusive thoughts- how do I deal with them?
FeatheredDreams
Posts: 91 Budding Regular
So i tend to have excessive and distressing intrusive thoughts which spiral into obsessions, especially before I sleep or leave my house to go to college, of my house setting on fire/being burgled from/gas leaks/collapsing/natural disasters and then when im outside, that's all that +thoughts of behing followed home/robbed/attacked & murdered.
And then furthermore there's those thoughts which occur when I touch something I believe to be dirty or greasy which ends up with obsessions on social status (i don't like to be thought of as dirty/greasy) and of illness - as if I touch something I could become ill, i despise being sick because i tend to think i'll die when im ill like it's actually some mortal disease...honestly, one week i got sick i was scared i was going to die so i literally thoght about what will happen when I do...
LIke these thoughts come about every single day, and some nights I go without sleep just to stay vigilant that nothing bad will happen, and the lengths I go to avoid dirt make me look like a weirdo in public xD.
It's horrible and awful and i don't know how to stop thinking about it when they occur....
This booklet i was given on cbt says exercise meanwhile to distract myself...but i already try that and i'm limited for how i can exercise anyway and it doesn't help.
I can't focus on other things with this in my mind no matter how hard I try to distract myself - I can't think of anything else meanwhile, even all "happy thoughts" ill ruin with anxiety - for example if i think about how i'll be glad to see my best friend when i'm home, then i think, what if all this happens to her instead, or if i think about my favourite tv show then i'd think what if it happened in the show, and even that's rare - especially with dirt, i can't think of anything else except for the irrational scenario i picture at all more often than not...i can't remember the other suggestions really.
At home i have..rituals of sorts to deal with it- checking all the wires in the house, ensuring anything that could cause a fire has a reason to be on (e.g the cooker), closing all the windows (the bathroom window is a major offender in people in my house leaving it open all the time which is bad because closing that window means I need to take a 15 minute hand wash because the handle/window-sill is INCREDIBLY dirty and it takes 15 minutes before i'm calm enough to stop washing my hands) etc but there's absolutely no way to resolve it outside of my house, and even my checks of everything require me to re-do the thing I do to reduce the risk of what i think about need to happen upwards of 5 times before i'm sure it's going to be okay...It's very time consuming to say the least, and i'm never calm after because those checks, rituals, w/e, don't work. Well...when these intrusive thoughts occur, I can't do anything except think about the bad thing, i can't do work and i'm distracted in conversation and I can't play games (or touch anything else at all when dirty because if i touch something with dirt/grease on my hands ill just make that thing dirty which exacerbates the issue) so I do these checks & rituals and that brings me to a position where i'm functional but still highly anxious about it...
So my plea is- what do I do when intrusive thoughts occur?
And then furthermore there's those thoughts which occur when I touch something I believe to be dirty or greasy which ends up with obsessions on social status (i don't like to be thought of as dirty/greasy) and of illness - as if I touch something I could become ill, i despise being sick because i tend to think i'll die when im ill like it's actually some mortal disease...honestly, one week i got sick i was scared i was going to die so i literally thoght about what will happen when I do...
LIke these thoughts come about every single day, and some nights I go without sleep just to stay vigilant that nothing bad will happen, and the lengths I go to avoid dirt make me look like a weirdo in public xD.
It's horrible and awful and i don't know how to stop thinking about it when they occur....
This booklet i was given on cbt says exercise meanwhile to distract myself...but i already try that and i'm limited for how i can exercise anyway and it doesn't help.
I can't focus on other things with this in my mind no matter how hard I try to distract myself - I can't think of anything else meanwhile, even all "happy thoughts" ill ruin with anxiety - for example if i think about how i'll be glad to see my best friend when i'm home, then i think, what if all this happens to her instead, or if i think about my favourite tv show then i'd think what if it happened in the show, and even that's rare - especially with dirt, i can't think of anything else except for the irrational scenario i picture at all more often than not...i can't remember the other suggestions really.
At home i have..rituals of sorts to deal with it- checking all the wires in the house, ensuring anything that could cause a fire has a reason to be on (e.g the cooker), closing all the windows (the bathroom window is a major offender in people in my house leaving it open all the time which is bad because closing that window means I need to take a 15 minute hand wash because the handle/window-sill is INCREDIBLY dirty and it takes 15 minutes before i'm calm enough to stop washing my hands) etc but there's absolutely no way to resolve it outside of my house, and even my checks of everything require me to re-do the thing I do to reduce the risk of what i think about need to happen upwards of 5 times before i'm sure it's going to be okay...It's very time consuming to say the least, and i'm never calm after because those checks, rituals, w/e, don't work. Well...when these intrusive thoughts occur, I can't do anything except think about the bad thing, i can't do work and i'm distracted in conversation and I can't play games (or touch anything else at all when dirty because if i touch something with dirt/grease on my hands ill just make that thing dirty which exacerbates the issue) so I do these checks & rituals and that brings me to a position where i'm functional but still highly anxious about it...
So my plea is- what do I do when intrusive thoughts occur?
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Comments
From what you've described it sounds like some of the symptoms of OCD (more info here: http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/anxiety-ocd-and-phobias/do-i-have-ocd-5823.html), and could explain some of your obsessions, checks and rituals. If you think that these thoughts are too much to cope with it, you may want to consider reaching out for counsellor if you haven't already.
CBT is really helpful in providing the core tools for breaking intrusive patterns but it does take a while to build up to challenge your rituals. As I said before! And rather than a booklet, have you previously tried a course of CBT?
Let us know how you get on! Nikki x
I've tried gradual exposure...key word is tried ahahah! But it hasn't worked so far except for one thing- the trivial act of picking up a pen dropped on the floor used to be super stressful for me because it'd be dirty...but i've (mostly) managed to work through that...so..progress? ahaha.
I've been considering asking...a doctor? Someone about it since i'm pretty sure it is OCD (since it's persisted for umm...4 years?) but i don't trust my GP much so I may snoop for local services once I get into university (only a few months left in sixth form and the university i'll be going to is super supportive- so I know i'll be able to find more help there)...just a waiting game until then I suppose.
I havent tried CBT yet, but I met with my college counsellor a while ago - while she is a therapist, she doesn't do CBT, so she referred me to IAPT for CBT, however I don't think I actually did get referred (it goes from her, to her higher up who usually does nothing in these kinds of sitauions so requests rarely ever get past her