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past/family

DistractionDistraction Posts: 167 The Mix convert
One minute am over with all the shit that happened with my mother and sisters and the next it's hitting me like a tone of bricks, I just can't seem to let the anger go, it hurt so much at the time but I kept it to myself, I couldn't tell anyone with all the threats I was getting, and it killed me seeing my mother lose hope everyday, I stayed with her, I really tried and it broke me apart, I thought it would be ok if I moved, I thought I would have gone down every weekend to see her and my sisters but we just lost contact and I just pushed everything down, it was like it never happened at times, but saying that other times it's all to real,

I want to let go but I really want to hold on to it all, am just stuck on a fence and I don't know whats, what anymore.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like your going through mixed emotions right now. It's very common to feel this way when you're going through a complicated period. Have you considered speaking to anybody about whats happened to you and how its making you feel? It's sometimes a good idea to talk about your emotions as it may lift a part of it off your shoulders. From what you have said above it sounds like you may be trying to recover from some sort of trauma. It's very common for people who are still traumatized to be unsure about how they are feeling and not being able to think clearly. If you think you may still be affected by past events you can get help. You have plenty of options from speaking to your GP to a close teacher.
    I reassure you that you're not alone.
    Sedz
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 167 The Mix convert
    Thank you, that makes a lot of sense,

    I am generally fine, I tried 2 or 3 different counsellors (due to socail services and moving around) but they were pretty crap and I tried the GP once but that's no longer an option, I do feel like I want to talk to Jacquie (dad girlfriend) a bit more about what happened, she was happy to listen in the past and I think she still is but its the timing of brining it up and if its fair on her, I coursed her a lot of trouble over the years and we aren't that close so I would feel really venerable.

    Am just holding onto a lot and I know I need to let go but after holding onto it for so long, the hope, the anger, the pain and stuff, am struggling to move on

    Thanks very much for your reply
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello,
    Sometimes the aftermaths of trauma can be very difficult as you don't know how to feel and you don't know why your still feeling the way you do even if stuff have got a bit better.
    I agree with the fact you need to let go and talk about it and it may even help you accept what's happened and get some closure.
    Maybe talking to Jacquie is the best option you may have? I'm sure she won't mind as she's listened to you before. It's usually common to feel bad about telling people about your problems but most times people are there to help you and they probably will want too.
    Maybe just asking her 'for some advice' or to 'listen' to you may be a good start.
    Sending you my best,
    Sedz.
  • micamica Moderator Posts: 98
    Hi Distraction,

    Experiencing so many different emotions sounds like it is very confusing. It's hard to let anger and hurt go, especially when it involves close family members like your mother and sisters. I agree with Sedz about talking to someone about everything, even if you haven't been particularly close to them in the past, sharing can bring you closer and hopefully help relieve some of the distress you're feeling. If you do decide to talk to someone, like Jacquie, we'd love to hear how it goes and if it helped!
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 167 The Mix convert
    Hi,

    Just thought I'ed up date yous, I had a chat with Jacquie a couple nights a go, can't mind how it started or what was really said but it was nice to get some things off my chest, she did help and after I felt a little better, so thank you both for advising me to talk to her.

    Now that the ice has sort of broken on the subject with her, I was thinking about telling her about harming, am about a month or two clean but the last time things got out in the open it was a very rough time, It's really hard ignoring the urges but I don't know if telling her would just be a bad idea, if I am stopping for good, does she really have to know about it now, after everything? However on the other hand I feel really bad keeping secrets from her and I did lie to her last time it was mentioned which was a few years ago. Am not sure if I should wait until I've not done it for a while longer or just keep my mouth shut all together.

    Sorry if am asking to many questions or babbling to much, yous just help a lot and thank you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly I just want to say you've done the right thing and thank you for coming back to let us know how things went for you.
    Maybe telling her that you haven't harmed yourself for a long time will show her how brave you are. Also she might be able to support you now.
  • DreaDrea Posts: 292 Rampant Poster
    Hey Distraction,
    We're so glad that you are better and well done for telling your dad's girlfriend about this! It's really up to you whether you tell her or not, and only do what makes you comfortable! Since you have already told her a lot, and if you're slowly stopping the self-harming, it wouldn't hurt for her to know that you had been doing it just so that she's aware that you are pre-disposed to harming yourself in such stressful situations! Particularly since it helped talking to her, it can be good for someone to just be aware of these things :) Regardless, it is completely up to you and what you feel is right! Hope you have a great day!

    Drea:heart:
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