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Friends?

SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
This might seem like nothing but its quite a lot to me.
Basically since i got ill, ive isolated myself from my friends. And it made me lonely. I thought they gave up trying to be my friends. But recently they come to my house and make me go on nights out. Which is a bit forcful but they just want me to enjoy myself.
But now it feels like they are nosiey to know whats happened to me. They are now texting me saying things like "i'm not to sure what youre going through right now, but i can see it in your eyes that youre not your self and are hurting. Stop pushing us away" . I cant tell if they just want gossip of what ive been going through. Or actually care and want to help me? I dont know what to reply back with.
Im scared that they will judge me for being mentally ill and with be two faced about it all. But dont seem to want to drop it and i keep nearly admitting it when im drunk.
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you've changed significantly since you became ill, they're probably puzzled at that and want to go back to how things were before you became ill. It sounds like they care about you and miss you when they don't see you.

    You don't have to go out as often as they want you to, especially if doing so worsens your illness.

    I think it would be best if you talk to one of them on his/her own, in a quiet place, when you're both sober, and explain your situation. Bear in mind that they're likely to not fully understand how you feel, especially if your mental disorders are complicated.

    If they're real friends, they'll want to stay friends even if that means you're not as much fun as you used to be. Anyone who breaks contact with you because of your health issues wasn't a real friend in the first place.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much for this reply Robert. And i think i will speak to one when were sober.
    They are quite judgemental sometimes but youre right it shouldnt matter. They probably wont understand but atleast it will stop all the awkward conversations!
    Thank you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Once you've told at least one of your friends, tell us how it went.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I told them today. They have been very supportive. They said they guessed i had anorexia. And said they just want to help.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did you tell all of your friends?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Unfortunately. They was giving me food to eat. Which im actually fine with now, hoping that would make me say it, i guess. But yeah i was eating. Then one of my friends who had bulmia apparently recovered, was like youre my goal weight. Which is triggering.
    The she started saying, i think i know what you are going through, while everyone was there. I listemed to what happened to her first, that made me more comfortable to say that i have been ill.
    And one of my others friends was talking about her sister who has recently recovered from anorexia. And saying its a horrible condition that she found hard to watch.
    They seemed to really understand and far from judgmental.:)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    micamica Deactivated Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    Hi Shaunie,
    I’m really glad to hear that your experience of opening up to your friends went well! Sharing personal information can be challenging, but it can also be a really valuable experience that brings you closer to your friends. Maybe those friends will even become sources of support for you while you are trying to recover and improve your relationship with food. On the Mix, we have a few articles that might help you both in getting treatment, if that is something you’re considering, as well as giving you a perspective of what your friends might be feeling. Here is the link http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/eating-disorders. You might also check out Beat (https://www.b-eat.co.uk) for a helpline, message board, and other resources specializing in eating disorders.
    Wishing you the best of luck.
    Mica @ The Mix
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shaunie, it's great that your friends understand you and are supporting you.

    Are you receiving treatment for your anorexia?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Robert wrote: »
    Shaunie, it's great that your friends understand you and are supporting you.

    Are you receiving treatment for your anorexia?


    Thank you both
    And yeah i have therapy for it. And its really helping. Weight isnt really concerning me right now. Im just still sad and depressed
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things would be a lot more difficult for you if you didn't have the support of your friends - they sound like a good bunch of people to have around you.

    What do you feel sad and depressed about?
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    micamica Deactivated Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    Shaunie,

    As I understand it, feeling sad and depressed during treatment is not unusual; often the physical progress outpaces the mental progress. However, it's so admirable for you to be receiving therapy for it, and hopefully some of the sadness and depression will start to lessen with time. Maybe you could work with your therapist to come up with some small self-care steps that would help to bring some more joy into your life. It could even include hanging out with your friends more, maybe just a few times a week at first, which they seem to want to happen as well!

    Hope this helps!
    - Mica

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you
    Im starting to think that the actually primary reasons of my mental illness wasnt anorexia. Which made me sad. But i actually had depression to start of with and when i had no appiete. So when i saw i was losing weight it made me want to carry on. Which turned to anorexia. And now thats gone its less of a stress. But i still have depression. And it wasnt that anorexia was making me sad and depression but actually depression. But now i have more stress in my life.
    Does that make sense to anyone else?? Or i just need to be happy now my eating is fine ? It really frustating. And im trying to understand my self and my feelings to grt better but its hard. Im so confused why im still sad:(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Most people who have mental disorders have at least two of them - and they often impact on each other.

    How often do you have contact with your friends? Are all of your friends also friends with each other?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I meet up with them occasionally but im the worst person at replies and actually meeting up.
    Most of my friends are friends with each other. But i have some that are still my friends. They just have moved on with their lives so i dont see them or hardly speak.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll need to stay in contact with them, if you want to maintain the friendships.

    Are your family supportive and understanding of you?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah its just a lot of effort. Tbh.
    My sisters are supportive not my parents. Im a twin so we have the similar friendship groups. But i think she hates that they know ive been struggling with mental illness now because makes me look psycho and mental. She was shifty when i admited it.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being physically and mentally tired a lot of the time is common during depression.

    Do you live with your family?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Robert wrote: »
    Being physically and mentally tired a lot of the time is common during depression.

    Do you live with your family?

    Yeah
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try to explain how you feel to those family members who care about you.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    If theres soemthing i have learnt is that i shouldnt speak to my family about it. But thank you for all your help
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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