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Struggling with depression

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi I'm 16 years old and I'm on here cause I'm desperate and I don't know what else to do. I've always thought that I had depression but at the same time I feel like it's impossible cause I have moments when I think that I'm genuinely happy but there are other time when I feel like the only escape from my life is death. Sometimes when I look at a random thing I think about how I could kill myself with it but there are other times when Im scared like hell to die. Every time I wake up I have to force myself to get out of bed. From the moment I wake up all I can think about is how I can't wait for the day to be over but when it's about to end I get upset that I have to do it all over again the next day. I'm just scared of what I might do to myself and I'm just really tired. I'm tired of hating the life I'm living, of hating what I see in the mirror, and I'm especially tired of keeping everything a secret from the ones that I love. I don't feel like myself and I just need someone to know how I really feel about myself before I explode. I just need to know what's wrong with me cause I can't handle this anymore but I don't know what to do cause every time I try to tell my parents about everything I get scared and chicken out. If anyone has any advise...

Comments

  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    Hi Amy,

    Welcome, it's great that your reaching out for help and that your trying to work things out, I would suggest writing it all in a letter, even if it's just for you, about how your feeling and what your going through and if you feel up to it you could also write one for your parents, slip it under there door, or put it on the kitchen side before you go to school so that they have time to go over it through the day, you don't have to tell them everything or if you want to that's also an option, it might take them some time to understand how your feeling and they might or might not react in the best way but they are your parents and they do care. I would also look into getting a counsellor maybe, just to talk things over, in my experience school counsellors aren't the best so maybe going to your gp and asking for one might be helpful, getting help sooner then later is the best advice I could give you, the longer you leave it, the longer it eats away at you and it's harder to express how you feel, which can lead you into feeling more trapped and helpless.

    I hope this helps :), try not to stress, your not alone, we're all here with you and can relate. You might find that posting your worries on the health and well being board might also help as more people might be able to give you some more advice,

    All the best
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hi Amy.
    I dont have any advice and think that distraction has given really good advice. But whay i wanted was to encourage you more to do it. Because i know that harder then finding way to say.
    Like distraction said your parent do care and may not react in the righr way. They may not understand. But they would be happy that youre asking for help. They just want to be their for you.
    Nothing should stop you from seeking help because you could have depression. Its an illness. Nothing youre choosing to have. Theres a lot of stigma around it which stopped me from getting help. But its a chemical inbalance and people need to understand that and that you shouldbt be ashamed in seeking help for an illness, like you would do for a physical one.
    They parents would rather you tell them, then suffer alone. You shouldnt have to suffer alone because its a horrible feeling.
    I find writing down things helps and even posting on here. Youre not alone in feeling like this. Keep posting if it helps.

    Sorry its not direct advice that you was asking for. Hope it helps anyway
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Deactivated Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    Hi Amy,
    First off, it’s great that you’ve posted on the boards to get some support. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so down, but definitely try to remind yourself how admirable it is that you’re able to get out of bed and make it through each day. Since it sounds like you really want help, perhaps you could try to talk to another trusted adult in your life before you talk to your parents. Maybe that’ll be a little easier to start with. Something I’ve done when I’ve had to have difficult conversations is to write out what I want to say to the person so I can refer back to it when I get nervous and forget what I wanted to say. If you think it might work for you, write out what you want to say to your parents (or your other trusted adult) and read it to them. Personally, I believe that it’s possible to have periods of momentary happiness even while being depressed overall, so maybe you’re right that you’re depressed. If you are, know that it’s treatable once you get the outside support you need—through counselling and/or medication. In the meantime, if you’d like some one-on-one support and direction to counselling services, you can call our helpline at [URL="tel:08088084994"]0808 808 4994[/URL].
    I hope this helps!

    - Mica
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lot of this has helped so thank you a lot. Now my parents know about what's been going on an they're taking me to a doctor tomorrow. I just don't know what I'm going to say to my doctor cause there are definitely some things that I haven't told my parents. Also I just straight up don't know how to start the conversation.
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Maybe it would help to write down some things which you want to talk about with the doctors.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    That's good to hear. Let's us know how it goes
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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