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Struggling with depression
Hi I'm 16 years old and I'm on here cause I'm desperate and I don't know what else to do. I've always thought that I had depression but at the same time I feel like it's impossible cause I have moments when I think that I'm genuinely happy but there are other time when I feel like the only escape from my life is death. Sometimes when I look at a random thing I think about how I could kill myself with it but there are other times when Im scared like hell to die. Every time I wake up I have to force myself to get out of bed. From the moment I wake up all I can think about is how I can't wait for the day to be over but when it's about to end I get upset that I have to do it all over again the next day. I'm just scared of what I might do to myself and I'm just really tired. I'm tired of hating the life I'm living, of hating what I see in the mirror, and I'm especially tired of keeping everything a secret from the ones that I love. I don't feel like myself and I just need someone to know how I really feel about myself before I explode. I just need to know what's wrong with me cause I can't handle this anymore but I don't know what to do cause every time I try to tell my parents about everything I get scared and chicken out. If anyone has any advise...