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Burning soul

KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
Hello, really need to rant my feelings. I feel alone and quite scared, scared of myself and others. I feel as though i was not meant to exist and that ive just been put on this earth as a test. I feel so worthless that my mind is occupied with suicidal thoughts. I feel as though my life has been shattered and im full of emotional pain.


  • KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
    Hi horsemad thanks for replying

    I did the one thing i never thought i would be able to do today - i told my mum im going to be moving out. She took it a lot better than expected but she doesnt know im going back to a hostel i used to live in she would freak if she knew that! So not telling her about that part till i move there.

    Things got so heated today i told all my family how they made me feel and that they are not helping my mental health at all. Ending in me crying.

    Have an appointment with the cmht on thursday to have an assessment and see what they can do.

    Take care horsemad xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi kayden im sorry to hear your struggling.
    Im so glad you managed to tell her! well done!.
    Im sorry thought that stuff is tough. and i hope it goes well on thursday
  • KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
    Hi turtle thanks for replying. Im struggling so much and finding things very difficult. I have a multi agency meeting tuesday with my alcohol worker and my sarc worker.. im a bit worried about it as i dont like feeling under pressure to talk.

    I was so scared to tell my mum, i had to text it to her instead of face to face but glad i did now. Thank you, i hope it goes well too, i was told i could of died tuesday from my od as i needed to be treated for being tachycardic as my heart rate was 170bpm but i turned around and said i dont care.. im not sure if i do care to be honest, but thats why the cmht are seeing me so soon.

    Hope you are well x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand how a meeting could make you feel nervous. But being honest is definitely the best policy to help you out.
    I'm glad that cmht are gonna help. I hope it works out for you . Sending support your way.
  • KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
    Hi turtle, im not sure if i even want help anymore.. i just told my support worker how im feeling and about my suicidal thoughts and the fact i havent had any medication for a week and the voices are starting again.. waiting for a response. Im seeing both my support workers together tomorrow but scared incase they get someone to take me to a&e as my mum is working there all day tomorrow..
  • MikeMike Posts: 1,605 Staff Moderator
    Hey Kayden,

    How did the meeting with your support workers go yesterday? How are you feeling?

    "900 years of time and space and I've never met someone who wasn't important.”
     - The 11th Doctor
  • KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
    Death seems like my only way out. It will stop the voices completely and i wont feel this way anymore. Im sorry all. Take care of yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Kayden,

    It sounds like you feel really stuck at the moment as though there are no options. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, sending massive hugs and support your way *hug**hug* How have you been getting on with your support workers?

    I know you know this already, but going to A&E, or getting in touch with Papyrus can help to keep you safe in those vulnerable moments.

    Let us know how you're doing :heart:
  • KaydenKKaydenK Posts: 211 The Mix convert
    Delete that last comment please.
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