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Cant hold on much longer..

AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi all..

I feel as im unable to continue with my life for much longer. I stupidly turned down my support workers who were helping me get a new place of my own or supported housing.. i decided to try make things work at home which was stupid of me as im just being brought down again and now feel unable to ask for help.

I feel so worthless and unwanted i just want to cry. I havent been on the boards much at all because i dont like bothering people.. i feel suicidal. All ive been thinking of is the woman who raped me, what shes doing, where she is, how she could do that to me and just forget it and move on with her life. Its eating me alive to be honest and it breaks me everyday. I wish it didnt happen, i wish i told someone sooner. I dont think my support workers are in at the moment so im alone.

I havent had any peace since coming out of hospital, my mums had her friends daughter stay over constantly and i mean constantly!! Now im sat here babysitting. I have not had 1 day to myself, all because nobody hoovered the rug yesterday she was calling me disgusting and everything. I cant cope anymore and im very close to telling my mum im going to move out. But the issue is that im too embarrassed to tell my support workers that they were right in saying i should keep my options open with housing.

I feel i have no purpose at all in this life. I am very stressed out with nobody to talk to.

Comments

  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hey Kayden

    Just because you turned down one offer of your support workers help to find a place of your own does not mean you need to be afraid of asking again.

    I'm sorry that you were raped too! There's so many of us that are survivers and we will survive this.

    You can talk to me and on the boards anytime💚💙
  • AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Hi Steph,

    Thanks for replying. Im too scared to ask them again, dont know if housing options will help me again either. I dont know.

    Yes there are so many of us. It hurts too much its messed my whole relationships with people up. Cant even think about relationships at the moment.

    Thank you so much x
  • AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    And now my sarc worker isnt able to work with me anymore because she only works with live investigations!! Mine ended because i wasnt strong enough to go to court. Im about to have a massive breakdown!!
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,673 Skive's The Limit
    Hi. Kayden
    Im sorry that this has happened to you and tbat you feel so low. Have you tires contacting samartations or papryus when you feel suicidal. Im not to sure how they work but they could help with your suicidal moments.
    It horrible what people are capable of and i dont get why people do those sort of things either. Even thugh there are a lot of victims to it. There is also great help for this aswell. To be able to come to term with what happened and help you prevent it happening again.
    Sorry i wasnt much help. Im not sure how to answer these.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I just wanted to see how you're feeling now Kayden? x
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 608 Incredible Poster
    Hey kaydenk im so sorry to hear what's going on. Don't feel like you are bothering anyone because you're not we are here to listen.

    Don't be afraid to ask for support, housing should help you they will understand the situation some people face and understand it's not as easy as saying yes to something you not sure about. Have you thought of speaking to a doctor about feeling suicidel?

    Hope you're ok

    Emma

    It's not too late you could contact your support worker
  • AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Thanks for replying everyone!

    For housing (family issues atm) i need to go back to housing options but unsure if they will even help me as i refused housing from them 2 weeks ago as i was scared about my mums reaction..

    I almost overdosed yesterday, just had enough with everything to be honest
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hey Kayden

    I'm glad you almost overdosed meaning you didn't?

    When are you planning on going back to housing?
  • AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    No i didnt overdose. I came close last night too, ended up phoning the samaritans, really bad night.

    Im not sure, i have to wait for my support worker to come back in work monday x
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Its good that you ended up calling the Sams.

    let me know how it goes x
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