Gender Identity Issues

Former Member

Hey, I'm Joel. Or that's the name I prefer.

I have been questioning my gender identity for years and I've come to the conclusion that I am transgender (FtM) and I would really like to be recognised as who I am, as Joel rather than my actual name and 'female self'. I hate having to pretend I am someone I'm not, yet I'm terrified of admitting who I am.

I have told 3 friends about it all, yet I can't do anything without my family knowing. I live with my nan, and typically the older generations seem to not really understand transgender people and gender identity. I'm so scared to tell her, yet I feel like I can't keep living like this, I'm so sick of being treated and looked at like a girl and having female pronouns and a female name. I simply don't know how to admit the truth or reduce y fear and anxiety over it.

Just wondering if anyone on here has or had been in a similar situation, or if anyone has any advice?

Thanks in advance ^.^

Former Member

Hey Joel,

First off, good on you for posting about this, you're brave and I hear the struggle you're going through. It sounds like you have found clarity in how you feel and what you want but you're worried about the next step in coming out to your nan about your identity. I think you're right too that sometimes the older generations might struggle to understand as trans issues have only relatively recently become something that people are more able to talk about.

We have some advice pages with useful links to further support that you might find useful to take a look at: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/sexuality/young-and-trans-5178.html

For example the Queer Youth Network have an online community a bit like this one but specifically focused on LGBT issues: http://www.lgbtyouth.org/ox/forum/index.html

I wonder if one place to start might be to write a letter to your nan, you don't have to necessarily give it to her but it might help you to think about the words you could use and consider some of the questions she might ask or reactions she might have that you can prepare yourself for.

If anyone here can offer Joel some advice from personal experience then please do share :yes:

Former Member

Thanks...

Well that queer youth network website didn't even work properly, so I couldn't do anything with that. The article was okay for anyone who isn't really sure on anything, but I already knew all of that, it wasn't actually any help to me sadly.

Former Member

Joel wrote: »

Hey, I'm Joel. Or that's the name I prefer.

I have been questioning my gender identity for years and I've come to the conclusion that I am transgender (FtM) and I would really like to be recognised as who I am, as Joel rather than my actual name and 'female self'. I hate having to pretend I am someone I'm not, yet I'm terrified of admitting who I am.

I have told 3 friends about it all, yet I can't do anything without my family knowing. I live with my nan, and typically the older generations seem to not really understand transgender people and gender identity. I'm so scared to tell her, yet I feel like I can't keep living like this, I'm so sick of being treated and looked at like a girl and having female pronouns and a female name. I simply don't know how to admit the truth or reduce y fear and anxiety over it.

Just wondering if anyone on here has or had been in a similar situation, or if anyone has any advice?

Thanks in advance ^.^

Hi Joel!
Thanks so much for your post!
I'm so incredibly excited for you, excuse me if this seems a little insensitive. But you're on the first steps of an incredible journey, one that involves you being brave, courageous, and most importantly: discovering your authentic self!
I take my hat off to you for telling 3 friends already, and for being realistic with yourself, i.e. that at this stage it might seem like not everyone is at the same stage as you are. This is all entirely normal, and all part of the process, and may change within time. =]

I speak to a lot of trans clients, and all of them are at a different stage of their journey.
Some, like you, are just realizing what pronoun/name they prefer, and are finding it hard to "come out" to people. Others are beginning to bind their breasts, whilst others are taking hormone therapy.

Whether we are trans, or simply discovering a new part of ourselves. A part of ourselves that is perhaps a little foreign to us, or we're unsure of how others might perceive it. Whatever the reason, remember the feelings are completely normal.

In regards to reducing your fear and anxiety over it, I wonder how it felt when you told your friends about it?
Even, how it felt to come to terms internally about it, or even post it?
In my experience, the more we face a challenge, and put ourselves out there... The easier it gets, the more we learn that yes we can handle this, or maybe we need more support.

Always here to help, and know I'm here rooting for you!

counsellorkev.

Former Member

Hey Kev, thanks for replying

When I told the first friend, I was very anxious. However I haven't known her longer than a few months and therefore I simply introduced myself to her as Joel and she simply thought I was genuinely a guy, which felt good in itself. It was a lot easier with her though since I told her almost straight away and after I'd asked her how she felt about transgender people etc, to which she answered positively.

The second friend I told simply because it came up in conversation. She was talking about how she felt she didn't fit into any specific gender and about how she felt about it, so I simply mentioned it as conversation and she was perfectly fine with it, so that was a lot easier.

The third one is actually my boyfriend, who I only told very recently. That was extremely difficult, it was the first friend that encouraged me. I was in tears the entire time, afraid he would hate me. Granted, he didn't even understand what the word meant at first and he still doesn't seem to fully understand, but he does accept me. He did say he would try his best to support me and stay with me which is good

Posting about it I found a lot easier, probably because I'm a lot more detached from any actual reactions from people. It was really easy, it always has been for me to admit things over text or the internet.

Thanks again for listening!