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Agitation

LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
Does anyone know how to stop agitation? I keep tossing and turning in bed. Getting in and out. Pacing around my room. Am I being pushed around by some gail force wind in my room or I'm trying to move away from some force. Idk. Can't get rested. I've took my today's pills so haven't got hold of anymore prescription drugs. Tonight's going to be a long night if this force dosent leave me alone

It feels very invasive and hurting my head. Turning into intrusive images of suicide. Am I agitated because of these images then? I felt agitated before they gave me these images though.

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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Feel sick and I've eaten a meal today so I don't know why. I feel sick but want to cry. I have no-one. I did finally get to sleep lastnight at about 1am.

    Yesterday I reported the home support worker to the office she dosent work for as long as she's meant to/she answers her phone at least 3 times that the few hours that she's here. Sometimes she shouts on the phone and swears aswell. She shouldn't evan be answering her phone while she's in work. I haven't found a spark with her. She' seems to do everything as bob jobed so she can hurry up and go home. The lady I spoke with at the office was really nice and said she would pass all these concerns onto the manager and the manager might call me back but the manager hasent phoned me back. From what I heard and saw this morning of the support worker I think they've had a word with her as I'm now in her dog house from the way she acted around me. I feel bad😌 but bad for what reporting someone for not doing the job properly. I know I shouldn't feel bad.
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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Hey Steph how you doing?

    Is this a recent problem or on going? I had the same problem due to stress at work. If it is a recent problem I found a warm drink an hour before bed helped a but, I also found relaxation music helped me. There was a particular one that could put me a sleep within 5 minutes, unfortunately I can't remember which one it was :/.

    Make sure you don't eat anything after 6pm as food can also make it hard to sleep. I do find I feel very emotional if I'm tired to the point of wanting to cry.

    Have you spoken to anyone about these thoughts and feelings you are having and of course if you are feeling suicidel please please please seek help. I would also recommend going to your GP if this sleeping problem is an on going problem or if it carries on.

    Is there any family or friends you can talk to? Sometimes if we are worried or upset we can feel sick after eating for some reason which I am not sure about. Make sure you eat regularly and healthy as it is really important to take care of yourself.

    It sounds like you do not have a very good relationship with your home support worker, this of course will not help things. Do you feel able to ask if you could have a different support worker as it is important to have a good relationship with the people who are meant to be supporting us.

    I'm always here to lend an ear when I can. I might not always know what to say but I'm very good at listening ;) Xx ❤️❤️

    Hope you have a better night tonight

    EmmaXx
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hi Emma (it's nice to put a name to a person so thanks for sharing that)

    I'm alright feeling a bit Christmassy this morning as we've just put up a little tree in the lounge of the house I live in. I just know I'm feeling unstable and not right so I've got to be careful.

    A lot on my mind and in my support workers dog house still. She hasent evan approached me and talked to me about why I phoned the office and it's so obvious she knows I have done. I might phone the office again.

    It's a recent problem I only felt really agitated the other night. I haven't felt like I did with agitation the other night like I have before.

    Piano music was recommended to me and it did help at first but not so much now. I don't drink tea or coffee and only fancy a hot chocolate every now and then.

    I do tend to much after 6pm so I should stop doing that.

    I haven't spoken to CAMHS about the agitation as I haven't felt the way I did the other night with agitation before and my care co from CAMHS is on holiday until next week but I've gone from seeing the home treatment team seeing them like twice a week to nothing where my care co is meant to be seeing me and I've only seen him once.

    I bought a dream catcher the other day so that's above where I sleep bit I litcherally felt I was being controlled by this force moving me around or I was trying to get away from something maybe the whispers of the voices aren't active there's just whispers and it's really not welcomed.

    The home treatment team and CAMHS know about the violent ways the voices want me to commit suicide and I told CAMHS the first time and the only time I've met my care co about the baby. The voices told me I killed a baby and I couldn't stop crying.

    I've cried myself to sleep like everynight this week thinking how alone I am. I've connected to RAINN and letting go is like letting go of there hand. I just wanted a hand to hold.

    Suicide is something that with my thoughts no-one knows how much I think about it because when I do it. I won't tell anyone and I have self harm urges that pop into my head like god knows what. I keep pots of blood 😅

    I don't talk to my family or friends we haven't got that relationship.

    When I phoned the office the other day I asked if things don't improve I could have another my support worker and they said yeah but I don't know if that's means I'll have to move to another property to have a different one and omg I've moved 9times since July last year😩 I've only been in this house 5 or 6 weeks.

    Anyway I'm going to end it now as I feel like I've been typing forever. It takes me a lot of time which is why I haven't replied straight away to process a reply like this.

    Thankyou💙💚
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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Hi Steph :) how do you feel now you have been able to write some of your feelings down?
    Nice to hear you're feeling Christmasy :) I still need to put my tree up just waiting for my dad get it out the actic 😂
    It sounds like things are pretty tough right now :/ I can imagine this is stressful which doesn't help how you are already feeling.

    Is there anyway you could visit the office and speak to someone 1-2-1 so that you can understand properly what procedures are taken in events like this?

    You said you haven't spoken to chams about this but do you feel able to speak to them about it. I know you said you spoke to them about the voices and I'm assuming they are supporting you with that. It does sound very scary what these voices are saying and I can't begin to imagine how this is making you feel.

    Im sorry to hear about your self harm, have you thought about any way to cope with this. Such as the butterfly project or an activity you can do when feeling this urge to help calm it down?

    Hope you're ok

    EmmaXx
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hi Emma,

    I don't really know how I feel now that I've written all that down probably later on regret it (that's why I hate the fact you can't delete posts on here) and the fact that evan though you are replying no-one probably actually cares and then there's I'm exposing myself evan more.

    Ah I see why don't you ask him to get it out so you put it up?

    Yeah a lot on my mind.

    The office is quite far away but I might phone them back tomorrow.

    I haven't spoken to CAMHS because I haven't had another appointment in the post or a phonecall. I'm missing having someone to talk to like I had with the home treatment team but my care co at CAMHS is on holiday. I have a lot of distrust to the community mental health team which I think are justified but my mum thinks they're incompetent and my interpretations are wrong bordering delusional. She makes phonecalls behind my back to my team but I dont say anything back to her. I do know that my thoughts and explanations for my experiences, other people who don't know all my facts and details (which I have written down) would probably say that I am delusional about my experiences/views of the community mental health team. I feel there is a physciatric way of looking at things but there is also other possible explanations such as, forces, forces such of which is why I felt agitated the other night. I was trying to get away from this force but it's beyond science. No-one will agree unless they have other beliefs. I am not religious or have any specific beliefs. But I am always in my mind questioning things beyond science (don't know how else to put it) I wish that I didn't open up to my mum about my beliefs and ideas as she dosent agree and I'm stressing her out And of course this is making me feel quite suicidal. My mum not listening to what I have to say. Putting her hands up at me. Shouting and swearing at me. Just 1 reason why we cannot communicate with eachother about this.

    They doubled my quetiapine to 400mg a day from 200mg a day and I blame my mum for this as she thinks I'm bording delusional and need to calm my thoughts, feelings, visions and beliefs.

    They put me on medication for the voices but I still hear them and if they aren't talking it's just whispers.

    I have tried the butterfly project but a blade or hot water against my skin dosent feel as good as anything else.

    The mental health team gave me lorazepam to calm me down before I self harm but I still self harmed but I do perfer lorazepam to diazepam but it's addictive so they aren't giving me anymore. I think I've took the last lorazepam I have today😢

    xxx
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    However my support worker said last week that they can't just stop my lorazepam they needed to ween me off which they haven't and I'm not going to be seeing anyone over the weekend to give me anymore agreed lorazepam so I'm expecting a bad weekend😪 because of no lorazepam😔
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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Hi Steph, you shouldn't regret it as we are here to support eachother and we definitely do care ;).

    We have finally got the tree up now 😂.
    I haye when things play on your mind and it's really hard to find the right person to talk to

    Did you end up phoning them yesterday and if so did it help?

    Im supprised you haven't had another phone call with CHAMS have you thought about calling the samaritans in the meantime?

    Your mum doesn't sound as if she is being very supportive at the moment is she struggling to accept this? She certainly should not be verbally abusing you at a tome like this, has anyone tried having a word woth her and explain the situation at hand? I can understand if you're not comfortable in doing this yourself but prehaps someone who is supporting you could?

    Have you been back about your medication sometimes what suits one person won't suit another and I'm sure there are many other medications they could try you on.

    Self harming is a really hard thing to get through but it's important to seek help
    If you feel other stratagies aren't working.

    I was on Fluoxetine for a short period of time and was told i had to bee weened of that. But I just stopped taking it which I do not recommend ad it made me irritated. I do not need to take medication anymore tho.

    Are there anyways you can help take your mind off it?

    I'm sorry if I'm not much help but like I say in always hear to listen. Hope you are ok

    EmmaXx
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    That's nice that you have the tree up now! I'll be all excited this time next week for santa coming!😆

    Yes I phoned the office again. I've talked about it in another thread under "home, law and money".

    Talking about your thread "phone anxiety" I get it with the Samaritans and I've only felt comfortable with 2 lady's that I've spoken with from the Samaritans and I feel that texting them or emailing them dosent help me.

    My care co from CAMHS has been on holiday and is back this week so hopefully he'll be in touch.

    I use RAINN in the meantime but it is only effective again with a couple of lady's I've spoken with on there.

    I've got my 12th and final phonecall counselling over the phone through TheMix on Monday. I feel sad about😢

    My mum just dosent get it as I'm the only one in my family with mental health issues. I don't want anyone who is supporting me contacting my mum because I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

    My care co was meant to arrange weekly medication reviews but because his been off he hasn't done that. Me and my support worker are considering going to the doctors this week if we don't hear from my care co.

    I've been on Fluoxitine before but it didn't help me in anyway. I've been on a few AD.

    You're being a help by talking to me. It's nice to talk to you.

    Look forward to hearing from you soon.

    xxx
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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Sorry for the late reply hope you're ok :).

    I can't believe it's so close to Christmas :o
    :D all excited now ha ha ha. I'll take a look see if I can find your other thred.

    I get what you mean with the anxiety calling them. And it's a shame the other ways to connect them doesn't work and I can imagine you feeling anxious about your phone call yesterday (how did it go?) :( do you have and/or feel comfortable with face to face counselling?

    I much prefer talking to someone's face I don't really know why.

    It sounds like you don't have a grate relationship with your mum :/ to be honest I don't really tell my mum about things that have happened mainly because she can be ott with hwr response. So don't worry about not wanting her to know.

    Your care co has a duty of care to you and he should realise the importance of that review and I'm glad your support worker is thinking of going the doctors if he doesn't do it.

    It's nice to hear i am helping you :)
    StY strong.

    EnmaXx
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hey, sorry for late reply,

    I cant believe you said its close to Christmas and now its over.

    Yeah I cant wait for my face2face counslling to finally come around.

    Its been Christmas so things have been put on a bit of a back bench but I will catch up with everything this week including ringng CAHMS again. The nurse dropped me some meds around before christmas eve but I still ned weekly reviews and that so I'll be on to that this week.
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