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Lonely and sad
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,
I have found this website during some google searches on being less lonely and one article made me feel like reaching out providing the discussionboard. I really don't know what I'm looking for or what to write or ask. I just want help control my feelings. I hope I'm in the right place and if not please ignore and/or delete my message.
It's just, I get crazy being lonely. I have moved a year ago to a new place near the college I'm attending. I have made 0 close friends and most of the week I spend doing homework or just alone. I'm not much of a social person and I don't mix in easily with all the popular and cool people. During the day I can handle it fine as long I focus on work but at nights I get lonely. To the point I just sit in the corner of my room and cry till I fall asleep.
I do have a great and supporting girlfriend except lately I feel even lonelier since she is extremely busy with her study. The little time she is free she spends either with me or with her friends. But when she's out with friends or studying I feel so abandoned and I can't control my thoughts. I start to think crazy things she might be spending time with other guys or just don't want to be with me. I am scared shitless she might leave me someday because I get sad and emotional really fast and I'm tired of bothering her with my problems, because I hurt her a little with them.
I just can't handle being without her and having nothing to do. I wish I had friends or activities or anything or just be with her but lately I can't and I'm alone. I feel sick of being alone and I don't know what to do. Please help me stop being crazy and sad.
I have found this website during some google searches on being less lonely and one article made me feel like reaching out providing the discussionboard. I really don't know what I'm looking for or what to write or ask. I just want help control my feelings. I hope I'm in the right place and if not please ignore and/or delete my message.
It's just, I get crazy being lonely. I have moved a year ago to a new place near the college I'm attending. I have made 0 close friends and most of the week I spend doing homework or just alone. I'm not much of a social person and I don't mix in easily with all the popular and cool people. During the day I can handle it fine as long I focus on work but at nights I get lonely. To the point I just sit in the corner of my room and cry till I fall asleep.
I do have a great and supporting girlfriend except lately I feel even lonelier since she is extremely busy with her study. The little time she is free she spends either with me or with her friends. But when she's out with friends or studying I feel so abandoned and I can't control my thoughts. I start to think crazy things she might be spending time with other guys or just don't want to be with me. I am scared shitless she might leave me someday because I get sad and emotional really fast and I'm tired of bothering her with my problems, because I hurt her a little with them.
I just can't handle being without her and having nothing to do. I wish I had friends or activities or anything or just be with her but lately I can't and I'm alone. I feel sick of being alone and I don't know what to do. Please help me stop being crazy and sad.
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Comments
I understand how you feel, moving to a new city to study can be daunting especially as you leave everything you know and love behind. Is there anything that interests you particularly? Such as a sport/painting/history/chess that kind of thing? I know that colleges/universities always seem to have many societies and I think joining one of them would be a great help. Not only would you be taking part in something you enjoy but also meeting other people who enjoy the same thing too.
You sound like you care a lot about your girlfriend, have you two been together long? I'm sure you know how much studying is required for college/university and so sometimes it will be hard for you two to see each other. Have you tried talking to her about this and telling her how you feel?
Try not to be afraid of having the odd visit home if you can. Seeing old familiar faces might just give you a boost.
Speak soon, LC_
Also, there may be some meetup groups outside your uni locally where you could also meet other people - they often have various interest groups so there would hopefully be something for you there too
Thank you for your response it really means a lot. But I don't know, do other people struggle this much with being alone?
I have tried participating in clubs and groups but somehow I end up feeling even lonelier. No one would talk to me there, do activities with me or anything. I was just there and I don't even think many noticed. I have tried talking and connecting with people but maybe there is just something wrong with me. I have always been outkast.
My girlfriend and I got together 2 months after I moved out, we're official for a year and 1 month now. I have talked to her about this and she does the best she can to help and support me but she just can't always be there for me. And I'm scared to tell her at some moments that I feel lonely and sad because she will be sad for not being able to help me at that moment.
Once in a while I visit home but it does not help much because my parents are mostly out of town or at work. I hang out with my brother sometimes, he is my best friend, but that is only possible once every few months.
I'm sorry for being a crybaby, I really just don't know what I can do to control myself a little.
Thanks again for both of your responses! I'm happy there's still people who care
There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to try and take little steps to help yourself. You say you have participated in some groups and activities, can I ask how many times you have been?
Usually people tend to feel lonely if something is missing from there life or been added, to me it sounds like moving to a new town has caused feelings of loneliness for yourself, do you think this is true? Have you thought about trying to get out each day whether this be going for a walk or going for a coffee? Walking has been proven good for wellbeing helping clear your thoughts and is a form of exercise
You seem really happy with your girlfriend and that is great. I understand you don't want to tell her how you are feeling at the moment because you don't want to upset her, have you thought about talking to your brother about this instead?
I hope talking to use about this is helping you get it off your chest. Talk soon
It's important for you to know that you're not the only one who feels like this and a lot of other people go through feeling lonely! College can be a hard time and you can feel pressured at times. You and your girlfriend have been together for a long time and it's clear you both care for each other! It could be really good to speak to her but if you don't feel comfortable with that, that's perfectly fine
It would be great to hear from you again, and we hope your day was better today!
Best wishes,
Drea
Hi,
It could be true, I found out after moving that a lot of friends are only friends if you live close. However meeting people and becoming friends has proven to be a very difficult task. Thanks for both of your replies it does help to talk about it. My compliments to this place and to the people that volunteer to listen and offer to help.
I have tried your tips and I must say exercise is a great help. Since tuesday I have started swimming. To answer how many times i've been
- Sports group - I've been about 6 times
- Youth club - 10+ times
- Study group - 6-8 times
and I've tried some one-day activities as well.
@Past User
I've also tried going to clubs by myself, to try and mingle. I have picked this up at a different website. But this is really really uncomfortable for me. I've tried three times but it stays uncomfortable.
Thank you for your wishes! My days were better (: I hope all of you have a great day as well.
Hey MGL,
I am soooooo happy to read this, sounds like you've been making some good changes and trying new things to help yourself.
I understand what you are saying about friends only being friends when they live close. I was in a similar position as you and noticed when I moved to a different city I drifted apart from my old friends. I did however attempt to get back in touch and it worked. Do you ever speak to your old friends over text/internet at all?
You said you have tried going to some clubs yourself but find them uncomfortable. Don't worry, you've give it a shot and have been more than once. These clubs are for fun so if you really aren't enjoying them don't feel you have to go. Are you enjoying the swimming?
Hope your feeling better, chat soon
As LC said you really do seem to be putting yourself out there so good for you! It's great that you've taken steps which clearly took a lot of courage so onwards and upwards! Again, you've given the clubs a try and that wasn't your cup of tea and that's no problem. Since you're currently at college, is there maybe anything related to a subject that you are studying which you may enjoy being a part of? Another potential thing you could try is to maybe find somewhere to volunteer or even work, if you feel comfortable doing and have the time to! Volunteering can often be quite rewarding, and in turn you could meet people to mingle with. Some places looking for volunteers do sometimes ask you to talk about yourself a little. For example, Mind charity when applying for volunteering ask you if you have any issues which you feel the other workers should know about or if there is anything your colleagues could do to help if you're found in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. This could be good for when you mentioned you feel uncomfortable mingling with others in clubs etc... As the people working alongside you would know about this and therefore make you feel more comfortable in a social situation! Equally, working with people can be helpful for self-confidence
Look forward to hearing from you,
Drea
I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you, I've been at uni for 4 years (I've taken a few absences due to depression and anxiety) and I've never really made any friends (not helping the depression). I am doing a lot better in myself, and like you I've got a supporting partner but I don't want to burden him. Having a partner is a huge blessing but I still feel like I need at least one friend that I can talk to, and I haven't had that since I left college before coming to uni.
I get very lonely and sad and I start to feel like something is wrong with me, but I have to just have faith that it will get better. I'm going to try like you did and brave some clubs after my January exams, but I am quite scared about going by myself and not fitting in or not being talked to by anyone if they're all friends already.
Thanks for says that exercise has helped you feel better, I get really tired but you're feedback has motivated me to just do a bit of yoga this evening at home and maybe the day won't seem so bad after.
I hope that you're doing okay and having a nice weekend, and thanks for making me feel less alone x