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EUPD, DVLA and parent stress
Former Member
:)Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
Hi, so I'm not sure if this is the correct area as I feel there are aspects of this post that would fit into 3 sections of the forums, so I've just settled for this one (as it is about home life, and law a bit, but health too, and relationships).
So a few things are going on (there is a link between it for this post):
- I recently got diagnosed with EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder, think its the same thing as Borderline Personality disorder but a different name), and I've been struggling with my MH (includes suicidal thoughts, agitation, outbursts, impulsivity, it can be hard to focus when at my worst).
- I have a provisional driving license and have since I was 17. Took many lessons, and got to the point where I was test- ready. I failed my driving test a couple times (it was more to do with things happening at the time, but overall I was test-ready etc). I gave up driving for a while completely (I haven't driven at all in about a year) but also as my MH was bad so it was too much (and MH still bad now).
- Parents don't know about my diagnosis of EUPD, that I'm still struggling with MH and that I'm seeing psychiatrist etc. It makes life harder when they know, especially as I live with them , so I hide it.
- Parents are encouraging me to take up driving again. I said I want to do it later, but don't think right now as I'm busy with uni. They said its upto me but are kinda pressuring me more to take up driving again and do my test again etc.
- I was worried that if I did take up driving again, that if I had even a minor bump, I could get into a lot of trouble for not declaring my MH issues. So I set about researching as to if I have to declare. Also as some of the guidelines are "only if it effects your driving" and its hard to know if it would. Also if you didn't declare you could get fined a lot (even if I decided not to drive and kept my provisional, as I still had the license I could still get fined etc. (I have discussed this with DVLA on phone too so I know this is accurate).
- Anyways, I phoned DVLA medical enquiry line, told them my diagnosis and they asked for my details (which I told them) and they said they need to do enquiries - I need to fill out a medical questionnaire and they will probably contact my doctor
I said what if I decide not to drive- they said I still must do it as I technically "could" drive with a license OR I could just straight away voluntarily hand over my license to avoid all these enquiries.
- But I'm very sure now that I will loose my license as : especially these following things will be on my medical records: suicidal thoughts (which sometimes get more than thoughts, and I feel at risk), outbursts, impulsivity and I find it hard to focus a lot.
Now I'm not that bothered about the actual prospect of loosing my provisional BUT I am worried about my parents finding out I lost it and that would mean they would know I'm struggling and am diagnosed with EUPD (which I don't want, would make life worse etc.). Especiallly as they are currently pressuring me to do driving. Also it causes the issue of ID too, what will I use as ID - I don't have a passport, they are expensive and you need ID a lot these days. At the same time if I hid it, and just drove/ took test etc. w/o declaring I could get into serious trouble with the law, especially if I needed to claim on insurance- you can get prosecuted and fined up to £1000 for these sorts of things. Anyways I have to go through it now, considering the DVLA now have this on my records. And I dunno what to do with parents.
Sorry I know this is like 3 things at once causing one big issue, I'm so screwed in many ways- PLEASE any advice would be so appreciated. I'm so stressed and worried over all this stuff!!!!
So a few things are going on (there is a link between it for this post):
- I recently got diagnosed with EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder, think its the same thing as Borderline Personality disorder but a different name), and I've been struggling with my MH (includes suicidal thoughts, agitation, outbursts, impulsivity, it can be hard to focus when at my worst).
- I have a provisional driving license and have since I was 17. Took many lessons, and got to the point where I was test- ready. I failed my driving test a couple times (it was more to do with things happening at the time, but overall I was test-ready etc). I gave up driving for a while completely (I haven't driven at all in about a year) but also as my MH was bad so it was too much (and MH still bad now).
- Parents don't know about my diagnosis of EUPD, that I'm still struggling with MH and that I'm seeing psychiatrist etc. It makes life harder when they know, especially as I live with them , so I hide it.
- Parents are encouraging me to take up driving again. I said I want to do it later, but don't think right now as I'm busy with uni. They said its upto me but are kinda pressuring me more to take up driving again and do my test again etc.
- I was worried that if I did take up driving again, that if I had even a minor bump, I could get into a lot of trouble for not declaring my MH issues. So I set about researching as to if I have to declare. Also as some of the guidelines are "only if it effects your driving" and its hard to know if it would. Also if you didn't declare you could get fined a lot (even if I decided not to drive and kept my provisional, as I still had the license I could still get fined etc. (I have discussed this with DVLA on phone too so I know this is accurate).
- Anyways, I phoned DVLA medical enquiry line, told them my diagnosis and they asked for my details (which I told them) and they said they need to do enquiries - I need to fill out a medical questionnaire and they will probably contact my doctor
I said what if I decide not to drive- they said I still must do it as I technically "could" drive with a license OR I could just straight away voluntarily hand over my license to avoid all these enquiries.- But I'm very sure now that I will loose my license as : especially these following things will be on my medical records: suicidal thoughts (which sometimes get more than thoughts, and I feel at risk), outbursts, impulsivity and I find it hard to focus a lot.
Now I'm not that bothered about the actual prospect of loosing my provisional BUT I am worried about my parents finding out I lost it and that would mean they would know I'm struggling and am diagnosed with EUPD (which I don't want, would make life worse etc.). Especiallly as they are currently pressuring me to do driving. Also it causes the issue of ID too, what will I use as ID - I don't have a passport, they are expensive and you need ID a lot these days. At the same time if I hid it, and just drove/ took test etc. w/o declaring I could get into serious trouble with the law, especially if I needed to claim on insurance- you can get prosecuted and fined up to £1000 for these sorts of things. Anyways I have to go through it now, considering the DVLA now have this on my records. And I dunno what to do with parents.
Sorry I know this is like 3 things at once causing one big issue, I'm so screwed in many ways- PLEASE any advice would be so appreciated. I'm so stressed and worried over all this stuff!!!!
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Comments
Looks like there's quite a few things going on for you at the moment, how do you feel after getting this all written down and off your chest? It's been a few days since you posted this so wanted to check in with how you're feeling at the moment?
Out of the things you've mentioned if you could pinpoint it to one thing that's stressing and worrying you the most what would it be? It sounds like you're worried about your parents reaction if you lose your driving licence on medical grounds, how would you feel about losing your licence to drive? For ID, is it possible you could use a student card as your ID? When can you expect to hear back from the DVLA about their inquiries?
You're doing really well to talk about it all here
Its not just about my parents finding out I lost my license on medical grounds, its about them "finding out I'm not right, and have a diagnosis" (they don't know) and I just worry if I do loose it they will find out the other stuff
I haven't driven in about a year and its only a provisional so I don't mind- I passed my theory 2 years ago and its already run out as of this month. I would like to drive in the future, eg. when I've left uni but not too bothered about it and I don't need to really drive right now- I have a bus concession I use and my uni is in town, which is a nightmare to drive in for lots of people (lots of people choose not to drive into town even if they can, and just use the bus instead) so I wouldn't drive that often even if I could. So I don't really mind that aspect to be honest.
Maybe I could use my student ID, but if I ever need ID for a job and I loose my license for that time, a lot of places wont accept student ID. I don't drink or smoke so its not a big deal for me but I worry what if I need to apply to stuff where they want either a passport or driving license. I don't have a passport and don't need one to travel at this time, they are expensive so would like to avoid that. Plus if you loose passports it can be very risky!!
Thanks steph!
Don't care about the driving, but what if my parents try to encourage me to take driving lessons. I can't apply for jobs or even volunatry work now as no ID- people say they will accept this youthcard we have in Scotland, called a YoungScot card, as it has a PASS hologram but like no where accepts it. And barley any places will accept my young scot card!!!
I'm screwed, thankfully I don't need to open a bank account!
I'm fucked, what do I do!!!
DVLA said I need to hand my license back
https://www.citizencard.com/
My friend uses a Citizen Card she doesn't get served everywhere with it though, some places won't accept it. But most have!