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At first I thought it was anxiety and depression...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone!

My name is Leticia and I'm a 17 year old college student going into second year. I've never been much of a people's person, as I don't go out so often and staying in my room is always my first option. I've realized I've been very withdraw from people, because I don't really like being around people as it makes me uncomfortable and slightly paranoid too.
When I was 12-14 years old, I would always hear voices thinking they were ghosts talking to me, and those voices would make me very scared to the point I couldn't sleep in my room alone for months, afraid some ghost would want to catch me. Those voices weren't always nice, I mean the one I still remember up to this day was when I was out with my sister in a clothing store and whilst in the fitting room, I heard a voice in Portuguese (my first language) say: "Leticia you stink!".
There were always voices and shadows during those years, and honestly I started to just get used to it. And now they've turned into constant voices in my head as thoughts that I don't think. If that even makes sense whatsoever. Also, growing up, I've always had urges to harm others, and myself too. That got worst, and today I can't even be near a knife that I feel like my body is being controlled by something other than me, and it's pushing me to go and grab that knife and commit mass murder. Anger and fits of rage has also been an issue. Delusions, all the time, but delusions has also been a thing I've had for as long as I can remember. Now, I'm just an antisocial girl with anger issues and voices and urges to kill. Of course, I have never told anyone, it would seem mad. Luckily, I've had the courage to go and talk to my GP and they put me up for an emergency appointment with CAMHS, due to the severity of the case. (At least, that's what they have said). I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, as my appointment isn't until next week. What do you guys think? Depression? Anxiety (I'm always anxious) or something else?

thank you!


  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey there Leticia, warm welcomes to TheMix message boards! :wave:

    How are you doing today? It sounds like you have an awful lot going on for you right now, and I'm proud of you for reaching out on here, and it's also great to see you've been placed to see someone from CAMHS. You talked a bit about hearing voices, these sound awful, have you ever come across a website called Hearing voices network (http://www.hearing-voices.org/)? They offer a variety of support online, and allow you to feel less alone with these voices. If you ever feel as though you are a danger to yourself or others you can contact emergency services, who can direct you to alternative support if needed.

    I'm afraid nobody on here is trained to offer you support to diagnose you with something, But I hope you do get the right support with what's going on for you, keep us posted and let us know how you were doing! *hug*
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