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Angry (BPD worries)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm really struggling with managing my emotions today. I've currently been experiencing waves of what can only be described as homicidal rage. I know what's triggered it, but there's not much I can do to change the situation. I received the report from the LAC review for my daughter yesterday and it's more or less along the lines of "Everything is fine with Amelie (my daughter) at my mum's so she should stay there". Except in my eyes, it isn't fine. My mum has been struggling to cope and has been aggressive to my sister as a result, my Dad just doesn't bother doing anything to help raise my daughter. She previously used to emotionally abuse both my sister and I, and would hit me and I'm terrified that when Amelie gets older and starts talking back, that's what she'll get. My mother made a complaint about our previous social worker Heather who was a student, and complained about not receiving "enough support from her" and that she got more support from New Beginnings- who were meant to be supporting me, but they never did. I'm so angry because it's clear social services have been keen to keep me from my daughter from the off set and I'm angry I never received enough support from them. It's causing so much stress that I feel sick and on the verge of tears.I don't care if I spend life in prison and that I never see Amelie again, just so long as I know she's safe. I have said to social work I don't want Amelie staying there any more but they said I would need to take it to a children's panel to do that- and even then there's no guarantee they'll agree with me. I don't know what else to do other than the most extreme scenario, but I know the repercussions will be terrible.

Comments

  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Niet, it's really positive that you posted this thread to look for some help and support for yourself. :yes: You were saying that you were really struggling with managing your emotions yesterday, that sounds really tough for you, how are you feeling today? Could you say more about what you mean when you say you've been experiencing waves of what you describe as homicidal rage? You were also saying that you know what's triggered it but thee's not much you can do to change it, that sounds really difficult for you to try and cope with. You mentioned you had the report back from the LAC for your daughter, what is the LAC? Really sorry to hear that you're so stressed and feeling sick and on the verge of tears. You mentioned that they said you would need to take it to a children's panel, sounds like a really hard situation for you to be in, it's really good that you're talking about it all.

    We do have an article here about dealing with anger which might be useful to have a look at. There's also an article about coping with stress which could be helpful to have a read of too.

    You're doing really well to talk here about how you're feeling we're all here for you to listen and support you. *hug*
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Nietz, I don't really know what to say, but I just wanted to offer you *hug*s :heart:

    We are here for you, and we care about you.

    *hug*s
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Steph- my mood has still been all over the place. Had an argument with my partner yesterday as a result of it, and almost pushed him away completely. Then spent 4 hours crying. I was considering killing my mother to ensure Amelie would be okay, I feel betrayed by everyone who was meant to help me (except my partner but he's been on the receiving end of this treatment too). And an LAC review is a "Looked After Child" review which is where they discuss Amelie's progress and what plans for her care will happen. In it they said they were intending on going down the permanence route which means my partner and I won't have any parental rights. This means they could stop contact at any point and we'd have no say in how Amelie would be raised. If they leave my mum to it, I'm terrified of what will happen to her as she gets older.

    And thanks Banana *cuddles* I hope you're okay as well.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course, sorry!
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    Oops may post saying thank you is before your last comment. But yeah thank you :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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