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Angry (BPD worries)
I'm really struggling with managing my emotions today. I've currently been experiencing waves of what can only be described as homicidal rage. I know what's triggered it, but there's not much I can do to change the situation. I received the report from the LAC review for my daughter yesterday and it's more or less along the lines of "Everything is fine with Amelie (my daughter) at my mum's so she should stay there". Except in my eyes, it isn't fine. My mum has been struggling to cope and has been aggressive to my sister as a result, my Dad just doesn't bother doing anything to help raise my daughter. She previously used to emotionally abuse both my sister and I, and would hit me and I'm terrified that when Amelie gets older and starts talking back, that's what she'll get. My mother made a complaint about our previous social worker Heather who was a student, and complained about not receiving "enough support from her" and that she got more support from New Beginnings- who were meant to be supporting me, but they never did. I'm so angry because it's clear social services have been keen to keep me from my daughter from the off set and I'm angry I never received enough support from them. It's causing so much stress that I feel sick and on the verge of tears.I don't care if I spend life in prison and that I never see Amelie again, just so long as I know she's safe. I have said to social work I don't want Amelie staying there any more but they said I would need to take it to a children's panel to do that- and even then there's no guarantee they'll agree with me. I don't know what else to do other than the most extreme scenario, but I know the repercussions will be terrible.