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Crashing.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have no idea what's wrong with me. I've been doing perfectly fine for weeks and for the past few days I've felt truly awful, and it has completely debilitated me. I have no motivation, I don't want to leave the house or move from my "bed" (it's in inverted commas 'cause I've been sleeping on the couch). I was meant to be going to an LAC review this afternoon but now think I've knocked myself back even further by telling social work that I won't be going due to not feeling strong enough to deal with the stress. Prior to this I was doing really well- I felt motivated enough to leave the house, go shopping myself and was feeling hopeful about the future. I thought we'd be getting somewhere with social work now that my partner and I have a more stable life, but it's clear that isn't going to happen and it's completely demoralising. I'm beginning to wonder "what's the point in getting better if it doesn't change my situation?" Over the past few weeks, I've been on a bit of a mad spending spree, buying paint and household items for our new house etc. I've been motivated to paint, I've started volunteering, took in my partner's friend's dog (he couldn't keep him any more because his girlfriend is due to give birth and he's too hyperactive to be around a new born), but now I'm regretting all of these decisions. As a result it has caused arguments between my partner and I who thought I was "lying" to him when I said I wouldn't mind a dog. And I didn't mind a dog at the time, but due to this... emotional burnout... training a new puppy and keeping him away from our cat is so stressful and I don't think I can handle it. Additionally, because I've not been keeping an eye on money, it now means we have nothing left to buy my daughter a birthday present. I feel so guilty and awful for it and it's just confounding my belief that I'd be a shit mum 'cause I can't seem to control my emotions (either up or down). I feel absolutely exhausted and have no idea if it'll ever change (even though I've stopped my self destructive habits of drinking to excess, self harm etc.) My best just never seems to be good enough and I don't know what to do any more.
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Comments
Sorry to hear that you've been having a bad couple of days. Sounds like its been really tough for you, you did really well to write about it here. You were saying that you were doing perfectly fine for weeks and felt motivated to leave the house, that sounds really positive, was there anything that happened in the last few days to cause you to feel this way?
Sounds like there's been a lot going on for you, as you were saying you've been feeling exhausted and emotionally burnout recently. It's really good that you recognise feeling this way. It might be helpful to think about different types of self care this article might to helpful to read. :chin:
What's making you feel that you're not ever going to get anywhere? Sounds like you've come a long away already, you were saying that you've stopped your self destructive habits, that sounds like a big achievement. :yes:
We're here for you to offer our support, feel free to keep posting if it helps to write stuff down *hug*
Sending you *hug*s
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "