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Dissociation during sex
![Former Member](https://us.v-cdn.net/6030621/uploads/defaultavatar/nJHX7Z3NJVPO4.jpg)
I rarely have sex but whenever I do, it feels like watching someone else's life through their eyes. My body doesn't feel like my own and I struggle to mentally keep up with what's happening which means I often don't realise that I don't want sex until after it's happened. Probably has something to do with my first time being forced on me but that was almost two years ago and I've discussed it in therapy and it feels over and done with. So what can I do to get rid of the dissociation that happens every time I am physical with someone? It makes me feel so horrible and broken and makes me hate the people who are "making" me dissociate by having sex with me
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Comments
Does the problem persist if you masturbate by yourself?
I don't tend to masturbate because it's really hard to find the right spot and it's no more enjoyable than touching my arm most of the time. One of my friends thinks I should get a sex toy of some sort and I'm tempted because I just want to experience what everyone else gets to experience but the thought of using one kinda freaks me out
The only time I didn't dissociate WAS when I was receiving oral (also the ONLY time I have received oral) but I usually refuse to give because the dissociation makes me irritable and unwilling to give oral
I mean I am no therapist of other expert of sexual abuse, but maybe this idea isn't so bad? Maybe if you manage to derive sexual pleasure by yourself you stop associating it with something bad, when another person is present. That way you are in control, can stop whenever you feel like. Sex toys are really common place and not just for sexual weirdos. Get yourself something fun, draw the curtains and experiment around. I guess finding ways to experience sexuality without dissociation happening could trigger a switch that those two things (sex and dissociation) are not irreversibly intertwined.