Dissociation during sex

Former Member

I rarely have sex but whenever I do, it feels like watching someone else's life through their eyes. My body doesn't feel like my own and I struggle to mentally keep up with what's happening which means I often don't realise that I don't want sex until after it's happened. Probably has something to do with my first time being forced on me but that was almost two years ago and I've discussed it in therapy and it feels over and done with. So what can I do to get rid of the dissociation that happens every time I am physical with someone? It makes me feel so horrible and broken and makes me hate the people who are "making" me dissociate by having sex with me

Former Member

You could start by talking to your sexual partners about this. They should engage you more during the act, give you more attention and stop once either they realize you are not focused or after you tell them to stop and cuddle etc. Maybe once you realize you are in control at every point of the act and that it's not something that happens to you, like sitting in a car being driven by someone else the feelings vanish? I don't know. But absolutely let your partners know, if the feelings do not go away I would say abdicate from sexual activities for a a while.

Does the problem persist if you masturbate by yourself?

Former Member

Does this happen during oral sex as well as during intercourse?

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Does the problem persist if you masturbate by yourself?

I don't tend to masturbate because it's really hard to find the right spot and it's no more enjoyable than touching my arm most of the time. One of my friends thinks I should get a sex toy of some sort and I'm tempted because I just want to experience what everyone else gets to experience but the thought of using one kinda freaks me out

Former Member

Steve_ wrote: »

Does this happen during oral sex as well as during intercourse?

The only time I didn't dissociate WAS when I was receiving oral (also the ONLY time I have received oral) but I usually refuse to give because the dissociation makes me irritable and unwilling to give oral

Former Member

Rivena1623 wrote: »

I don't tend to masturbate because it's really hard to find the right spot and it's no more enjoyable than touching my arm most of the time. One of my friends thinks I should get a sex toy of some sort and I'm tempted because I just want to experience what everyone else gets to experience but the thought of using one kinda freaks me out

I mean I am no therapist of other expert of sexual abuse, but maybe this idea isn't so bad? Maybe if you manage to derive sexual pleasure by yourself you stop associating it with something bad, when another person is present. That way you are in control, can stop whenever you feel like. Sex toys are really common place and not just for sexual weirdos. Get yourself something fun, draw the curtains and experiment around. I guess finding ways to experience sexuality without dissociation happening could trigger a switch that those two things (sex and dissociation) are not irreversibly intertwined.

Former Member

Have you found any success. Look into sexual aversion