Help supporting my partner

Former Member

I'm getting concerned about my partner's mental health. He's becoming increasingly more negative and is jumping to the worst conclusion when things go even slightly wrong. He's being irritable and impatient and is focusing a lot on the fact that we don't have our daughter with us. I've tried mentioning to him that he doesn't seem quite himself but he says he's fine and brushes it off as temporary stress due to moving etc. Except this has been getting increasingly worse for weeks, and it's not just the move. He spends more and more time in bed... and I don't know how to help him. I try to give him a lot of love and reassurance but it doesn't help and he gets very short with me when I become unwell. As if he has no patience to deal with my mental health problems any more. I just want to make sure he's okay, but I'm worried that bringing it up will start an argument. Any advice would be appreciated.

JustV

Hey Niet,

Nice to see you posting again.

It really sounds like he's feeling quite worn down and becoming tough to reach. I guess when we find our own reserves running low, it can be tough to find it in us to open up to others and deal with things. Although, I'd imagine you've been there yourself so probably know that!

One of the most useful things we can do when supporting others is simply to facilitate them opening up to you; giving them the room and those words of reassurance so they can sit in the knowledge that if/when they are ready to, they can come to you for support. It can be tremendously difficult to reach someone who doesn't want to be reached, and trying to do so can often end in frustration for both parties.

It might pay you to give yourself a little permission to step back a bit and know that you are (and have been) doing your bit and making the effort to support him, but you can only do so much until he's ready to reciprocate. It might come with benefits for both of you, ease some pressure, and give you a bit more of a chance to look after yourself and seek the support you need. Speaking of, how are you doing?

Can I also ask what the situation is with your daughter? :chin:

Former Member

Hi Nietzshe,

So sorry to hear this You are not alone in this situation, I am experiencing the same thing with my partner at the moment, he 's very impatient and doesn't seem to grasp what I am feeling at the moment. Try and write him a letter if that helps and write about your feelings, you will feel better and it won't be as confrontational.

Former Member

She currently doesn't live with us due to the fact I've been unwell, I'm doing a lot better now but unfortunately, the damage was done months ago when I was arrested for my own safety. It's upset my partner more than anything because he feels we weren't given a chance to be parents by social work, and also he doesn't want my daughter living with my mum (due to the fact my mum used to smack me when growing up, and he doesn't want that for my daughter). We're now in our new place and he does seem a bit more settled, but his negative thinking is still bad. I've just been given him space when he doesn't seem well, and giving the occasional hug.

Former Member

Hey Niet,

Glad to hear that you're doing a lot better now, that's great news. Sounds like the new place is helping and that you're being really supportive by just being there for your partner. Sounds really hard and upsetting that you and your partner feel you weren't given the chance to be parents.

Not sure if you've seen this before but there's some info here that you might find useful to look at about supporting someone with their mental health.

Feel free to keep posting here if you'd like to and it's helping *hug*