I don't even know anymore

Former Member

So recently me and my ex girlfriend broke up. She broke up with me because I wasn't into all the sex stuff and didn't really want to do it basically.

Problem is, she appears to have a very quick rebound. She has a new guy, I happen to have been friends with him up until the point they started dating. I think she has said something to him about not talking to me because that's how it's been since then. So I basically lost my girlfriend and best friend in one go.

I discovered earlier that I am definitely NOT okay with that. I was fine, casually browsing my facebook feed. When I happened to see a picture of the two together. I completely lost it. (Now here's for the incredibly unmanly part of me...) I just completely broke down crying and it lasted a few hours, hell as I type this I'm only like half normal. I don't know what's wrong with me because I was fine with it up until then which is just weird.

Help?

JustV

Hey Joel,

You know, that is so not weird. It's totally understandable. There's nothing wrong with you. I mean, who isn't going to miss and feel torn up after breaking up with someone (let alone when they rebound with your best friend)? Sometimes all it takes to break down that emotional barrier we put up in our minds is a nudge - seeing a photo on Facebook, reading an old text, finding something of theirs, etc. Opening the flood gates, as it were.

I feel this is particularly true when it's still raw (like it sounds like it is for you?). It's possible (and not uncommon) to be numb to something for a while until it sinks in, or until something triggers that emotional response in you. Let yourself be with these feelings and cry, be angry, hide under a duvet while devouring Ben & Jerry's, or whatever else you need to do to heal yourself naturally.

Also, all this must feel very isolating (as well as generally quite shit) - remember, even if it feels like people important to you aren't around, we're here. :yes:

Props to you for standing your ground with regards to the sexual stuff, by the way; shows real integrity.

How are you doing, today?

Former Member

@Mike

Issue is, I really don't have time to be feeling like this. I have AS exams in just over a week and I really need to revise but I can't while I'm in this state.

I had to go to school today and it was awful. I can't be near either of them otherwise I start getting panicky, especially when they're together. I hate it so much. They are both in one of my classes so I can't concentrate there either.

My parents keep telling me to stop being so dramatic and get over it. They tell me I'm weak for crying, that I'm pathetic. I probably am really.

Former Member

First, you did not lose your best friend. If your "best friend" stops contact with you, because someone orders him to, he is definitely not best friend material. Remove her and him from your facebook. Erase any daily reminders of them. Plus occupy your mind and fill your free time so you won't think of her/them. Sit in the library, listen to upbeat music with headphones and study for your exams. Make other friends, or meet some you already have. Just distract yourself and time will take care of it. There is nothing wrong with having these feelings and emotions you do, as a matter of fact they are to be expected. You'd be surprised how soon you stop caring about all this and start wondering how something like this could bring you down so much if you just keep living your life.

Best of luck.

Former Member

As lovely and simple you make that all sound, it isn't possible.
I cannot erase them from my life, I attend the same school as them, have mutual friends and have the same classes. We are even in groups for work stuff. So avoiding them isn't the answer at all.

Also, I can't just 'make new friends'. It is already established after 6 years attending this school who is my friend and who hates me. That and social anxiety is horrible and would never allow me to.

Former Member

You're definitely not being over dramatic or "weak" for feeling this way or for crying - as @Mike says it's not easy to see an ex and her new boyfriend together, let alone when it's your ex best friend :no:

It's hard around exam time too and it seems like the anxiety you are having isn't helping. This all seems understandable though, considering you see them all the time and don't seem to be able to get away from them!

How would you feel about speaking to one of them? They may not deserve your time right now and you do mention being extra busy, but it may remove that slight awkwardness and make you feel a bit more at ease if you bump into them (or even make you the bigger person for speaking up and acknowledging this). Just a thought :chin:

Do let us know how you get on *hug*

Former Member

I've tried talking to my friend and he said nothing's changed, that everything is okay to him and he doesn't see what the issue is. He says I'm overreacting and stuff, we are still friends. That if I don't want to be around them when they are together, that's my problem. It's still awkward though.

I just cannot take anything else right now. I haven't even looked at my phone in about 3 days because I'm so done. I can't handle anything right anymore, I completely broke down over simply writing something wrong yesterday.

It's getting really hard, I could really do with some help.

JustV

How're you getting on, Joel?

Former Member

Awful... I got kicked out of my parent's house, I'm currently living on my uncle's couch...

Former Member

Sorry to hear this Joel, what happened?

Former Member

They just hate me. They hate that I do A levels, how I look, my personality. Just me in general.

I've moved in with my nan, I know I'm never allowed home again...

Former Member

Hey Joel,

Sounds like a hard time at the moment for you. How are things at the moment? You were saying that they hate that you do A levels and how you look and your personality, what makes you say that they hate you? You said that you moved in with your nan, has has that been for you? What makes you say that you know you're never allowed home?

Former Member

I know they hate me because they constantly point out all my flaws, they never see anything good in me at all.
Things with my nan have been alright, we get along a lot better.
I know I'm never allowed home because that's what they said. I'm allowed to visit but not live there. They threw me out...

Former Member

Hey Joel,

That sounds really hard to deal with - having them constantly point out all your flaws and not seeing any good in you

That's good to hear that things have been alright with your nan and that you get along better

You were saying you're allowed to visit, have you been able to visit since they threw you out?

We've got article here which might be useful to read called 'Thrown out by your parents'

Let us know how you're doing

Former Member

I haven't visited yet, I'm going on Thursday to see my sister as it's her birthday. We'll see how bad it gets...

I'll have a read. I'm not really doing great at all, I feel like I'm losing myself.

Former Member

Hey Joel,

Ah OK, what makes you say that you'll see how bad it gets? Whats making you think that? Let us know how it goes.

Hope you find the article useful, sorry to hear that you aren't doing great, its really good you're speaking about how you're feeling here. What's makes you say that you feel like you're losing yourself, could you say more about how you've been feeling?

We do have this other article called Problematic parents that might be useful to read too.

Hope this helps and let us know how it goes tomorrow too

Former Member

Just past experiences with my parents haven't been great so I don't have high hopes for this one.

I just am loosing myself. I'm not happy and energetic like I used to be. I've lost all my confidence. I don't want to ever do anything but lay in bed...

Former Member

Hi Joel,

Just wanted to see how it was on Thursday at your sisters birthday? Sorry to hear that you feel like your loosing yourself and that you aren't happy and energetic like before. When did you start feeling this way? Sounds really hard that you've lost all your confidence and don't want to do anything but lay in bed, its really good that you're talking on here about your feelings though. We've got an article here on mindfulness which might be useful to read. There's also this page here about how to get more confidence which could be helpful to read too.

Let us know how you're getting on, we're here for you.

Former Member

It was awkward...

I started feeling like this about a year ago but it's just getting worse and worse and now I just can't handle it. I just lost everything, I have nothing or nobody left.

Former Member

Sorry to hear that, how was it awkward, could say more about what happened? That sounds hard to have been feeling like it since a year ago, it's really positive your hear and talking to us now about how you are at the moment. What makes you say that you've lost everything and everyone? Was there something that happened a year ago when you started to feel this way? We're all here for you *hug*

Former Member

My parents just barely spoke to me, neither of us knew what to say.

Not really. It was just gradually getting worse with my parents and then it transferred to my other relationships and my school work and so on. I feel like I have nobody left because I don't. My parents couldn't give a care in the world what happened to me, and my 'friends' have just left me. I don't have friends anymore.

Former Member

Sounds like a hard situation, it does sound a bit awkward like you said. Would you have liked to have spoken to them more when you saw them? In what ways did it gradually get worse at home with your parents last year, what kind of things made it get worse?

You were saying that your friends have just left you, this sounds really tough. When did your friends leave you? How are you feeling about this.

You're doing really well to talk here, we're all here for you. Just wanted to let you know about an organisation called Relate they have a live chat with a counselor on their website about anything to do with relationships which might be useful to look at.

Former Member

I probably would have liked them to at least try putting some effort into talking to me. Last year things got worse because they didn't want me doing A levels and I did it anyway. At some point they refused to let me eat and at another point they started not allowing me in the house until it was late at night. It's just been a downward slope really.

My friends left me gradually over the past few months. Last one left earlier this week. Makes me feel awful, unwanted.

Thank you for listening to me, it really helps to talk about it all

Former Member

If I was in your situation, the worst thing that I could do would stay mad, just because that means that they can still have some kind of control over you, which, I don't think they should. If you really need to get closure, ask them why and if they don't give you an answer, they are not worth your time. I'm not sure whether you did your exams, but if not, focus solely on them and people that you have a god relationship with.

Former Member

@Katie.helper I'm not mad with anyone but myself. I'm more upset and confused. I did already sit my exams, so I don't need to worry about them anymore. I don't really have a good relationship with anyone but my boyfriend now.

Former Member

Hey Joel,

Really sorry to hear that things are sloping downhill at the moment. It does sound difficult and so overwhelming. How have you felt since the exams finished?

I wonder if you might think about this as an opportunity to take some time out for yourself; to think about what you would ideally like to happen now, and where to go from here? Could you think of some of the positive things in your life at the moment? :chin: Good to hear that things are going well with your boyfriend, have you been able to talk to him about how you're feeling?

As Steph mentioned, Relate have some really great stuff here on getting support with all different kinds of relationships. Do you think its worth a try?

Glad that it's helping for you to post on here