How do I help my girlfriend with ADD?

Former Member

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend of five months decided to trust me enough to tell me that she has ADD. Of course, I want to do everything and anything I can to help her. I've scoured online forums, started yahoo answers things, and been on so many medical sites you wouldn't believe it. The amount I've learned about diets and exercise and their effect on mental health in the past couple of weeks has been astounding, and I'm an athlete anyway so I thought I knew a lot! We're both in year 11, and thus our exams start in 3 weeks time. I've been trying my very hardest to help, I've made notes and flashcards and read out work in the hopes of making it more exciting than just reading from a text book, even though I know that something just being " more exciting" probably won't help very much. Today, she came home upset. After a bit of comforting (Please give your significant other some clothing that smells like you or some flowers or something soft that they can hold, it really seems to help) she confessed to me that CAHMS denied diagnosing her, even though she has been on a waiting list for a year and a half, and got refereed to a specialist. Instead, they sent her a list of tips that one could find on the internet. I was incredibly (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to swear on here) pissed off, and so I've been doing a mix of comforting her, and trying my hardest to find some possible little tricks or diets or things that help so that I can help her! I just really want some input from other people who are more experienced with I, because you guys will know a lot more than I. Any input at all would be appreciated a lot.
Sorry about this long rant. Thank you guys in advance for any help you're willing to offer!
-Morgan

Former Member

Hi Morgan,

Welcome to the boards!

Thanks for posting this thread.

You mentioned in your post that you're girlfriend told you that she has ADD. Thanks for sharing this with us, would you be able to tell us more about what you mean by this?

Thanks for posting about about the things that you have tried when trying to help her, sounds like it's a difficult situation to be in but you're doing really well to post here and look for some help for your girlfriend. How are you feeling at the moment?

Thanks for posting here about what's been going on and for sharing what's been happening. Sounds like a hard time at the moment. It's really positive that you're trying to help your girlfriend.

Just to let you know that we also have live Support Chat's where you can talk in a group with other young people and get support with anything you'd like to talk about. Support chat runs Sunday to Thursday night from 8pm to 9.30pm, at 8pm the join button will appear here

JustV

Hey Morgan, and welcome to the boards. :wave:

I just want to say I think it'd admirable that you look out for your girlfriend so much; you clearly care a lot, and I'm sure you're an asset to her. It's wicked to hear that all the research you've been doing is a learning experience for you, too! (Btw, I can vouch for the #protip about clothing)

While I don't have anything to offer in terms of further insights into (or experiences with) ADD, I did want to say make sure you're looking after yourself. Supporting someone with a mental health condition can be tough just on a day to day basis, even when you're not trying to go the extra mile for them during a time like exam season. Make sure you're getting all the support you need, yourself, and be weary of burning yourself out over it. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup. How are you feeling and dealing with it all?

It's also worth remembering the impact of simply being an understanding, listening ear to someone who needs it. Even if you don't manage to solve someone's problems or come to them with a plethora of practical solutions, just being that person in their life can make all the difference; someone they don't have to worry about being judged by, being a burden on, etc. There may also be a sense of relief on her part, especially since it sounds like she trusts you, in telling someone and being able to talk to you about everything.

We actually have an article, here, on ADD which you might find useful. I get the impression you've already mined most resources on this from the internet, so it might not be anything you haven't heard already.

By the way, swearing here is okay as long as it isn't directed at another person. :yes:

Take care and feel free to let us know how you get on. I imagine there will be a few folks on here able to offer their two pence with a bit more know-how on the subject!

Side note: Steph's response came up as my page refreshed - looks like you got both barrels.

Former Member

Hello Steph! Thank you for the welcome!
I can only really tell you from the viewpoint of somebody who has been trying their best to understand if that's okay? She struggles incredibly to focus on things, and can very easily lose track of time. She tries so hard to do anything she can to avoid getting distracted: I've seen her discard social media for weeks, only to get distracted by ornaments on her windowsill. At this time of year, it's making revising very difficult for her, and is causing her a great deal of stress so I just want to try my hardest to alleviate it!
Thank you very much for asking! I'm doing very well thank you, I hope you're doing well also! I'll make sure to keep my spirits up! And whenever I am down, she notices straight away and rushes to comfort me, I've recieved surprise house visits after exhausting chats more than once! :yes:
I'll make sure to check out for that chat, thank you for informing me!


Heya Mike! Thanks for the welcome!
I'm happy to do anything to help her! She makes me happy all the time so I want to help her be as happy as possible too!
I will look after myself, thank you so much for your concern! I'm dealing well, I have a good group of friends and a caring family that would definitely notice if I was down! My girlfriend always seems to pick up if I'm not feeling great and is super super good at cheering me up!
Thank you very much for saying that. Listening and just being there to allow her to rant about stuff does seem to help her, I'm always happy to do that!
Thank you very much for that article! I'll read through it now!
Ah okay, that's good to know, I would hate to make a terrible first impression here, you guys seem super lovely!
Thank you, I'll be sure to let you guys know!

Thank you both for your advice! :razz:

-Morgan