am i over reacting?

Former Member

Hi all,

I'm new here so just figuring out how this works. I need advice. I tend to over react, so I need your thoughts on this. I looked through my fiance's messages today (I know I shouldn't be doing that) and I noticed that he sent a text to a male friend commenting on how many women there are in our city (New York). He then sent his friend a photo of a woman while he was on the subway. I feel really sad about this, I don't know if I should say anything. He's never done anything to betray my trust and he is a wonderful partner. Should I just let this go? Serious responses only, please.

Former Member

Hi Kellysan82,

Welcome to the boards!

Thanks for posting this thread.

It sounds like a tough situation to be in, it's really good that you're reaching out and looking for help with this. We've got lots of articles in our Sex & Relationships section that could be useful to have a look at. There's also an article about looking through someone's messages here that might be useful too.

Hope this helps

Former Member

Hi Kellysana,

I don't think you re over reacting, I know exactly how you feel, and it is not a good feeling. Perhaps you should try talking to your boyfriend about how you are feeling about this (even if this means him knowing you read his messages), there has to be open communication to make things work. Don't worry, if he loves you, he will understand!

Former Member

You seem very jealous, Kelly. Do you often look through his phone? Virtually all men look at many women - that's normal. This type of thing is one of the reasons I like being single and having casual sex - I avoid having my privacy invaded and being policed on who I can and cannot look at.

You're assuming that he wants to have sex with the woman that he sent a picture of. Even if that's true, it's very unlikely to happen and he's probably already forgotten about her. He chooses to be with you - he's not with her and probably couldn't get her even if he wants her. Another scenario is that his friend may be unhappily single and your fiancé was sending his friend a pic of the friend's 'type' to say to him: 'there are plenty of girls out there - you can go and find one like her and hook up with her'.

You live in one of the largest cities in the world - about nine million people live in NYC. Therefore your fiancé is going to notice a huge number of hot girls.