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Coping with a breakup

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 19 years old and going through my first major break up. I was with a girl on/off for about a year but it really hit me hard when she left me for another guy and there seems to be nothing I can do to make myself feel any better about it or stop thinking about it for more than a few hours. I've tried speaking with friends, going out with friends, spending time alone, spending time with family, talking through what's going on with the girl who broke up with me and not talking to her for extended periods of time. As we really weren't together for a long period of time (our last time we were together, it only lasted for about 3 months with only a half dozen meet ups) I'm shocked that I'm still in as much pain as I started, if not worse, despite the breakup happening nearly 2 months ago. Please let me know if you have any advise on how to deal with heartbreak. :)

Comments

  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,140 Community Manager
    Hey Plebbers,

    Welcome to the boards. :wave: Great to see you posting; props for reaching out for support with this.

    You know, 2 months really isn't all that long for getting over a breakup. It took me the best part of a year to get over my last relationship, and in all honesty I don't think I'm still fully past it yet and it happened over 18 months ago.

    Essentially, there is no time limit for it (pulling out the clichés...), even if the relationship wasn't that long. For some people, it may take a few weeks. When, for others, it may take years. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't feel like you should be over it at any point in time.

    What you're feeling couldn't be more natural. By the sounds of it, the break up itself wasn't on the best terms, and it's never nice being made to feel like second best. Let yourself be with those feelings, allow yourself to acclimatise to your new situation, and give yourself all the time you need to do so. Distracting yourself is a positive thing, for sure (I learned to solve a Rubik's Cube and fell in to a non-stop, nocturnal gaming lifestyle, for example), but make sure you also give yourself time to work through all these thoughts and feelings (not doing so would only prolong that sort of period).

    Do let us know how you get on. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the help Mike

    My distraction techniques haven't been very successful so far as I rely too much on other people and on drinking (which has all it's assorted problems). I seem to lack motivation to find any effective distractions. I've improved a bit at juggling and I've made lots of new friends, otherwise I'm still being quite unhealthy with my habits.

    I called my ex-girlfriend up for the last time the other day to discuss some important things but also to say that I won't be having any private talks or meet ups with her again which is a big step for me as far as moving on is concerned (she didn't seem to care too much though). Hopefully space will be a big help for me.

    Thanks again for the help, it's much appreciated :)
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,140 Community Manager
    You're welcome. :)

    It's totally understandable to develop certain (metaphorical) crutches when doing through certain types of breakups, and to be honest it's great that you've recognised that things like drinking may not be helping matters. Credit where it's due, it does sound like you're making some progress.

    Interestingly, I know @Joel has been posting about similar themes (relationships, break ups, and drinking), and wonder if there could be some interesting conversations to have, there? :)

    Do let us know how you're getting on.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh wow, wasn't expecting this. Just got off a geography trip that was 3 days and I'm very tired and rushed to get some work done for tomorrow. Sorry if this is pretty shit basically... I don't really know what to say right now. Let me know if you do want to talk and what specifically about? I've been drinking a lot lately and struggling with my own relationship. I had a pretty rough breakup a few years ago and haven't dated since. Kinda why I'm doing so awful now I think, it shook me up that much. Anyways, let me know if you want to talk and what in specific and I'll get back to you when I've actually slept and eaten >.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @Plebbers - Hey man, I got your message and I'm not ignoring you or anything. I can't reply since the website is apparently not co-operating with me. All I did was take a nap and now it doesn't work -.-'
    Yeah so sorry, if you want to talk about it here let me know, otherwise I'll get back to you when that issue is solved. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @Joel I get what you mean. This website confuses me as well. I'm happy to discuss things on this post so long as you don't mind doing things publicly
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