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Dating online, bipolar gf

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Firstly Hi my names Alex. Now I don't have bipolar disorder however I have been dating a girl for 2 years now who has it though but... online and yeah I don't blame any of you if your going to say don't date online ect. Theres reasons why we haven't met yet which has nothing to do with whats happened so i'll not go into them. We talked 24/7 always shared photos ect ect. Now shes had issues in the past and I managed to convince her to start taking meds and seeming a therapist maybe a year ago now however at some point she stopped taking her meds. Now i belive shes just gone into a manic episode shes very quiet but shes been very talktive calling random guys on skype and the other day sent me loads of photos of herself and was talking about how perfect she looked (she always refers to herself as ugly and rarely likes to send me anything) was going on and on about my birthday and how much she loved me so of coarse i sent a photo back as normal. After sending the photo she ignored me for 10 minutes sent me a text to tell me she wasn't physically attracted to me i was ugly.. so I asked her what her problem is.. she replied "your face" and told me not to talk to any more so i could get over and then proceded to tell me how boring and clingy i was. I asked her why she was being so cold and she gave me wrong and said that she could not have broken up with me in a nicer way and i'd have to get over it because she didn't love me anymore and after arguing with her ended up blocking me on everything. According to people i know she been super happy and hyper since and calling more random guys ect. Now this has happend kinda before not so extrme though she broke up with me, the next day cried told me how much she loved me and broke up again a week later and then chased me back a month later but it was because we were still frineds and i still talked to her (she however did blame me for it all because i called her popular with the guys she seemed to think i called her a slut)

Now my main quiestion is since im assumsing shes manic shes staying up till like 6am getting up around 9am her where normaly she sleeps aorund or above 12 hours even when she doesn't seem depressed in anyway and plus the way shes been acting... she doesn't seem to care that im gone and is overly happy ect ect talking to other people will she miss me since shes not talking to me at all or realise what shes done when she comes out of it? I mean.. yeah she could mean it of corse but.. I don't think she does it was really random to sunddly cut me out for being "ugly" when shes seen me for 2 years and always called me cute, plus its like she suddnly just hated me and she didn't understand why i was upset when she broke up.

Will she realise what shes done when she gets out her manic eposisde how long will i probably have to wait and do you think she'll come looking for me?

any questions or anything i'll happily answer them or if something dosen't make sense id proof read this if my head wasn't pounding so much.

I'd like to know if this is the right place to ask for advice or if im posting in the wrong place or... yeah... if i shouldn't have posted here then my apologies ever one and thank you for reading.~

Comments

  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Alex,

    Thanks for posting a new thread here about this. Sounds like a really difficult situation for you, it's really positive that you're looking for some help. How are you feeling after posting this message and writing all of this down here?

    You were saying that your main question is when she gets out of her manic episode how long will you probably have to wait, if she'll miss you as she's not talking to you, if she'll realise what she's done when she comes out of it and if she'll come looking for you. This seems like a really hard time for you at the moment. These questions aren't something that I'd be able to answer, it's really good that you're writing about what you've been thinking about here on the boards. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about this? What is it that you're hoping to happen?

    We have an article here at The Mix which is called Bipolar disorder which might be useful for you.

    Hope this helps.

    Do let us know how you're getting on. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well... after a few days i think im really depressed i can't stop overly obsessing about everything that happend. Now I have no way of knowing 100% if she is manic or hypomanic... I mean i can always tell when shes depressed its easy... but.. maina..? ah.... I have no idea if im trying to convince myself she is or... if she really is.. i tried pointing out to her that i thought she could be manic and asked if she could tell, she told me shes never known she she has been hypomanic/mainc... Sigh i feel like a horrible person because maybe im trying to blame her bipoalr on something she really does feel.

    However no matter how i look at it i can't see someone who i've talked to two years become a cold hearted bitch in under a minute like she has now, we currenlty aren't talking but she agreed to take her meds before we stopped.... anyway thanks for listing to my rank even if no one can help
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Alex, :wave:

    Just checking in on how you're doing at the moment?

    You were saying in your last post that you think you're really depressed and that you can't stop overly obsessing about everything that happened. Sounds like it's bad a hard time for you. It's really good that you're speaking out it. How are you feeling now?

    You mentioned that you tried pointing out to your girlfriend that she could be manic and she said she's never known she has been manic and that you feel like a horrible person. Seem's like it's a really tough situation to be in. You mentioned that you're currently not talking. How are things between you and your girlfriend now?

    Feel free to post about anything you'd like to talk more about too :)



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks steph.. we are talking kinda... except shes just like a different person.. she has been like this before it was over a year ago it didn't last long but... Even so i'm not sure if it's her bipolar or not... shes suddenly motivated to exercise, has higher self confidence she told me "i realised im really pretty and cold do better" and i really truly want to believe that she never meant this.. after being with her for two years i've brought her things helped her over srs depression and got her to start seening a therapist..

    Noticing her depression was always easy and what i would have considered her normal self still slept more then the avrage person for the most of the two years i've known her she always complains about being tried has naps a lot during the day.

    Yeah she never sees her own moods her sudden coldness to me is uncalled for I even asked what i did her replay was "i told you nothing your perfect i just don't like your face" why she'd also be really cold to me i just don't know... uh.... since i can't see her in real life and becasue she doesn't phone me anymore i have no idea what she sounds like right now all i remember is that she was a super sweet nice girl and i can't even imange in my nightmares her acting this way intentionally.

    But yeah the bad news is I could be balmeing her bipoaler when she means it and i don't want to be a dick who does that. Shes became madly obsessed with this band at the same time too and some of her likes dislikes have shifted slightly, the way she acts things she says... its just like im talking to another person at the moment though again.. i don't know enough about bipoalr.

    as for myself i suffer extremaly bad anixty and im not taking this well at all my head hasn't stopped pounding i can't shut off, i'm taking sleeping pills to help me sleep at night becasue im restless all day and can't calm down it really pains me that she doesn't seem to give a damn at the moment i just hope this chanages soon.

    about a year ago something similer happend she did leave.... for no reason she said she didn't feel anything stopped talking to me.. i tried to keep contact and i think maybe 2 months later she started talking to me again and slolwy started to open up and said she did love me and we got back togther she was on her meds i didn't expect this to happen again, i could take it better if i knew she was manic at least it's the not knowning if its her or her bipoalr talking.

    Thanks for askng Steph i appractie it
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi Alex. Just checking in too. This really does sounds hard to deal with.

    I'm conscious about how it's affecting you though; as you don't know when (or if) she will come back, it might be an idea to try to focus on looking after yourself for the time being - are there any things that you like doing that could distract you?

    We obviously can't know what is going on for your girlfriend, but it could be that she has changed and if that is the case I want to help you move forward :) you deserve someone who treats you well! :yes:

    I understand it must be very hard not knowing, but perhaps by focussing on yourself for the time being it means if she does become "normal" again, you'll be in a better place to deal with things and talk to her again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks cat88! i really do appricate it.... honestly? i'm not coping well at all i suffer bad anxity and my head has been poudning ever since and burning up, most the day it feels like there is a weight on my chest heart racing and i end up feeling overwhelmed by everything it's sometimes a little hard to breath but i'm going to the doctors on tuesday.. hoping they'll give me something for anixty for anti depressents because i really can't take this at the moment.

    I have talked to her a little she said she seen her threpist who thinks she is fine which makes no sense to me but.... i guess i might just have to accept she is fine... I really don't get or understand what the fuck happened and thats what im stuggling with and the fact shes unremorseful and really dosen't seem to give a fuck. She randomly gave me $30 so i asked why she said she sent it as payback (i'd spent alot... alot of money on her i have no idea why she thinks $30 was going to mean anything or the money at all)

    and yes Cat your right as much as i don't want to admit it she might not come back this time she has acted like this in the past randomly just out of nowhere dumped me said she didn't care months later all of a sudden she did last time was a year ago like i said happened once just after we first together but only for a few days she climbed she wanted to leave me then because she'd hurt me having bipolar but she came back because she missed me too much. in all honesty I don't know what to believe.

    since we did get back together after i think was a manic then a depressed episode since last year we have been more then fine she's wanted to call me almost everyday fall asleep in calls with me, she'd text me all day infact if i didn't get up when she went to college and send her a morning message she'd be moody with me all day, she'd wake up if she couldn't sleep she was super clingy and tbh i liked it.

    Being done just like that out of nowhere i still can't accept it... i have no idea if she lying to me about the therapist or not i'll just have to assume shes telling the truth and take her word for it. I have heard all the time about bipolar being hot and cold with people they love however i assume it's only because of an episode so if shes not in one it must be how she really feels...

    sorry kinda just ranting now just... confused and hurt.. anything thanks for listening guys ill try read some more of your guys problems and make comments as soon as i sort my own head out.


    "We obviously can't know what is going on for your girlfriend, but it could be that she has changed and if that is the case I want to help you move forward :) you deserve someone who treats you well! :yes:"

    That's what i keep telling myself to she keeps telling me the times we have talked and shes been really cold... idk what happend to the lovely, sweet, empathic girl i did know.... shes cold has no remorse can't seem to understand how i feel at all.. but she seems to like throwing cheep shots at me out of nowhere and just being really cold. She got obsessed with this k-pop group and one time when we were talking she was telling me how much she liked this guy and she was worried about what he'd looked like because he was chaning his hair but said to me "i'll be in love with him forever because he actully has a nice face" (her problem with me was appreanly my face) her exuse is, is that my phone blocked a little of my face sometimes so she couldnt see it properly.

    Don't know where that came from becasue not only have i been on webcam with her I had taken alot of photos since we started dating and only some were in the mirror because she wanted to see what i was wearing and always commented that i was "cute"well most the time and how much she liked me so............ the fuck is going on i don't know

    "are there any things that you like doing that could distract you?"

    I'm a big gamer and I use to enjoy playing alot of games had been playing alot of league of legends but i find myself unable to focus at all on what i'm doing so i haven't been able to really play anything i just end up feeling like im going to be sick though im sure that'll disaper soon or at least i hope so.


    also as a side note im dyslexic so i'm really sorry for how bad this is written. ended up ranting more.. fml
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Morning Alex. Thanks for such a long reply - I really hope getting all this out is helping you.

    I'm really glad my response helped, I do just want you to remember that not matter what she is saying you are a great person and her strange behaviour could be for all manner of reasons. Especially when it comes to your looks - we can all be insecure enough as it is so please don't let her comments knock you any more.

    Is there anything else causing your anxiety? As in any underlying causes? I don't know if you've already seen it but there is a great article on Anxiety here which could help you.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Morning Cat.~ (edited) it's afternoon welp

    It's helping i guess it's kinda overwhelming that someone cares tbh when the one person i want to doesn't lmao. As for my anxiety i'll take a look at that article thanks!

    Underlying causes maybe... i had went to the doctors with it before i had a assessment with a therapist they said they would call me back in 5 weeks and i haven't heard from them pretty sure it's been longer then that... anyway it might relate back to when i was in high shcool and this is only a maybe my friends joint with another group someone in there didn't like me... show how what i laughed off as banter over the next 3 years became everyone hating me, death threats i couldn't go out at lunch for fear of having my head kicked in somehow all my friends left me because they didn't want to be the one who hung with the loser and school was pretty shitty tbh i've not made any irl friends since my self esteem pretty much died and i didn't have much to begin with.

    I wasn't even looking to date this girl when i met her somehow she made me feel really really good about myself, she liked my voice the way i looked ect ect I really felt like she was the one person who accepted me as sad as that sounds, so what she said about my looks is more then heartbreaking and confusing since she seen me all the time... i don't know why shes denying it either i mean i didn't take a photo everyday but over the corse of two years have taken alot.

    As for her, she is the last person i ever expected to be vain in anyway, she hates how she looks... or she did? she binged and made herself sick which is another reason i told her to see a therapist. She hated how she looked, she never would take photos for the most part in fear that i'd not like her and reject her.

    One of her friends thought she had abandonment issues, she was adopted but i didn't think so also don't think it's relevant but i'll throw it out there anyway

    Just noticed i used $ in my above posts when it should be £ lmao i have no idea how that happend.
    Thanks for listening i really do appreciate your replays.

    another side note i have no idea if its the meds or what she did talk to me yesterday she started the convos she told me she was going to have a nap and told me again when she was going to sleep... she slept alot last yesterday had a long nap and went to bed early i can't help but watch her sleeping patten ;/

    I've never seen myself as bad looking nor good either just average i'm 6'2 in hight with an average build black hair brown eyes ect

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi just wanted to update... shes sleeping alot.... alot alot... lots of naps during the day... going to bed earlier.... and seems to alwyas be more tired.... mm... so it looks like my whole thing about her being manic is wrong.... i have no idea if she was going into a depressive episode or the break up is pushing her into one... but shes just... sleeping.. and sleeping more...
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hey Alex, :wave:

    Thanks for posting this update the other day.

    How are things at the moment?

    You were saying in your last post that your girlfriend has been sleeping a lot and always seems to be tired. How is she at the moment? Also just wanted to check in with how you're doing too?

    It's really positive that you're posting about what's been happening, sounds like things have been tough but you're doing so well to talk through it all here. :)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heyyy again Steph.. well i think when we broke up she HAD to be manic but shes now depressed it seems... shes been nice... she no longer feels emotionless either she called me the other night said she just wanted to hear my voice was beening very sweet she wasn't talking that much... she kept going on about how much she missed my voice so i said something like "you still love me don't you" she went quiet her beathing was heavier she didn't say anything for like 2-4 minutes i tried asking her if she was ok.... or if something was wrong.. she didn't respond and out of nowhere started talking about the most random subject then cried... and said she was tired and was going to bed and before she left she said "night... and i do" which... i took her refering to what i said before but... eh... i can't be 100% during the call she said how i annoy'd her and she didn't feel like talking to me most the time so...

    Still really confused trying to take it all in....... feels like she kinda blames me what what happend just a vibe i got but still i'll put it down to her mood and ignore it im just glad shes talking to me almost normaly and being nice again, ill not ignore her but i'll leave her to talk to me for now. Althought thats what ive mainly been doing anyway.

    Thanks for listening guys im hoping her head will be more clear soon and we can get back to normal.. in which case ill have to find a way to convince her to stay on her meds the last thing i want is for this to happen again but i can't control her if she dosen't want to stay on them.. however that is to think about for the future since i have no idea where things will go from here.....

    As for me i have been given betablockers from the doctors uh (Propranolol) to help with my anxity meant to slow your heart rate and stuff not sure how well its worked so far..

    anyway with her mood being better and the fact we can talk like friends at least ive been able to concenrate on gaming and losing myself in things i enjoy its made life soooo much easier and so has getting everything off my chest here.

    I owe Steph and cat alot thanks guys <3
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hey Alex! So glad to hear we're helping :) happy to hear the doctors have given you something to try and help your own anxiety too, do let us know how you get on.

    I also feel like your reflections here are really positive - just in terms of letting her come to you, and understanding that you can't control her and you don't know for sure what the future holds. I think it's going to really help you to keep that open mind and not blame yourself :)

    We're always here if you need.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm.... well... I might need some advice... so she started telling me she loves me and stufff and whne i asked why.. if she could be honest to why she said and did what she did.. and why she ended it she said (because you said negitive shit about yourself) at the time i sent the photo id just got out of work and hadn't showered and i was saying how i didn't look to good atm ect ect nothing i'd think anything of at all... but it was an issue.. now... its not an excuse i want to belive at all but.... uh.. idk how to feel about this

    Not sure how to reflect on this or if i should take it as a genuine... i just don't understand if anyone has any idea of what i should make of it... it'd be helpful
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Morning Alex! Have you had a read of this article about Hot/cold relationships? I know yours is online but it still seems very relevant to you. There is some advice in there about how to reflect on the situation and what you want the future to hold - which is what is probably a good next step for you.

    Have a read and a think and then I'm happy to listen more :) - it may help you think about how you're feeling and what to do next.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Cat maybe this will be my last post i mean i don't wanna bother you guys to much an thanks for the article Cat i read it and I wanted time to think about what was there. She is hot and cold but... it's like shes all over me shes mad if in minutes sometimes and will wake me up if shes awake or can't sleep ect (thought it was cute not complaining about it lol) and we had been talking everyday i looked though our skype chatlog and until the end of march she was replying to me within the minute, was sweet overly caring. The end of march though her replies suddenly out of nowhere becmae long and spaced out and just quick like "lol" or "o" and then we broke up a few days in April

    I realised the irritability is also apart of depression that and staying up late for a few days lead me to belive she was mainc but all the sleeping shes been doing she proably is depressed i mean..... i thought i'd seen her depressed since we have got back togther but she proably just had a few down days...

    As for what im doing now she sent me this message

    "I love you, So greatful to have you in my life you mean the world to me And yeah even though you piss me off big time I'll probably always still be there for you, because you're you... sure you'll be able to look after me well i mean i know i have a short ass fuse which makes me into this mega uncaring bitch but you already know a lot about that... infact way to much.."

    her ablity to be sweeet seems to have gone out the window atm but whatever... the issue i have is.. yeah she does want to be back togther now shes finally clamed down from whatever she was angry about... but thats the issue i have no idea what pissed her off in the first place i guess it'll have to be something ill have to get use to and force myself to learn to handle it i mean... I love her and yes part of me wants to leave because the utter pain of going though this isn't something i'd like to do again but i guess im going to have to try harder to convince her to stay medicated...

    She wants me to go see her still at some point too but ill be way too attached if I do... which i want to and yes i want to get back with her and she wants to get back with me it's just.. it's hard to wrap my brain around i care about her deeply its the realisation that this is always how it could be, shes never going to get better not that i expected her to just I didn't think it would be as bad as it has been and yes i know other people have it worse so i guess i have no reason to complain.

    Still it's irrittaing atm she'll message me ill replay intently and ill get a one word maybe a small sentence if im lucky and ill replay and have to wait another half an hour to an hour again so we hardly talk now... where before she was replaying stright away and it makes me feel insecure still though i haven't voiced it i know it's just she isn't in the right frame of mind so i've kept quie. t hmm guess im pretty much venting still... i

    i just wanna say again Cat im very greatful for taking the time to replay to my messages i was really in a bad place, as soon as my heads more clear i'll help out others i guess! but if cat or steph if either of you have a paypal id be more then happy to donate something for your time it's meant alot to me, more then i can say because ive had no where else to turn. Now as much as im still confused i do feel like ive taken up enough of everyones time so if you want you can lock or delete this thread or ill proably just end up posting again lmao

    you've been a big help thanks guys sorry this is so long
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hey Alex. Sorry for the delay - I was away last week. Just wanted to say glad we could help a bit! All I need for my time is feedback like that :)

    You are welcome to post here as much as you need, you definitely aren't bothering us!!

    So we're here if you want to chat more about this, but equally if you want to chat about something completely different that's fine too :)

    Take care.
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