Am I being silly or do I need help?

Former Member

Hello,
I am new to the message board as I have decided to be proactive about seeking help and advice. I have never labelled myself as having an eating disorder but I guess that is what it is. I have a really negative relationship with what I label 'bad food'. If I eat a tiny bit of (food type) I get quit stressed and feel anxious and worried that I am going to put on weight and will feel very guilty and negative towards myself that I wasn't able to resist and have no self control. I am very self critical of my body, my thighs especially and avoid wearing certain clothes some days that I think draw attention to my thighs like jeans and am constantly looking at how my legs look in mirrors or Windows when I walk by. I tend to plan what I am going to eat the day before or a couple of days before and try to eat about (number) calories a day and go to the gym (number). I am a healthy weight so have always thought that people wouldn't take me seriously because I don't look particularly thin. Before I started university I was about (weight) heavier and less obsessed with how I look but since I lost the weight I worry I will put it back on easily. I feel the urge sometimes to make myself sick after eating these bad foods but I still don't like having these thoughts. I was just wondering if anyone has a similar experience as I have only ever discussed this with my boyfriend and he often just thinks I'm being silly which doesn't really help!

Former Member

Has your weight remained stable? People often overestimate how many calories they're supposed to eat a day so perhaps you're eating correctly for your body type, however if it's dramatically under what you're suppose to and you've been exercising on top of that, it could become an issue. The important thing is that you ensure you eat regularly and that you have balanced meals otherwise you could be at risk of malnutrition even if you're eating enough calories for the amount of exercise you do. The fact it's causing you a great deal of anxiety is a concern and you should mention it to your GP, as any anxiety disorder (whether it's over food or not) is a difficult thing to manage without adequate help and support. I'm sorry your boyfriend doesn't take your concerns as seriously as you do- it must be difficult to have your worries trivialized by someone close to you, have you tried to explain to him that even if he thinks you're being silly, that being supportive and accepting your concerns is more important than the actual problem itself and that perhaps you need him to be supportive and reassuring when you're feeling low, rather than dismissing it? It sounds like you definitely need to be nicer to yourself, remind yourself that you're more than what you look like and you're a valuable person whether you're a "healthy" weight or not. Improving self esteem is a difficult process, but even just by being easier on yourself and focusing on things you DO like about yourself can do wonders. I was told that a good exercise is to sit and write 3 things you like about yourself whenever you start feeling a bit low (for a while I had to write what *others* said 'cause my self esteem was pretty poor- but even having someone reassure me that I was cared about and liked helped). I hope you get the support you need soon.