Feeling lonely in a new country

Former Member

Hi,
Im 21 years old, im a biology student at a university in canada. I feel both alone and lonely most of the time. I had a best friend and she got a boyfriend and now i have been completly replaced. I feel so useless and i feel like no one likes me. All of the friendships that i have had till today were ruined some how. Im new to this country and i feel like i have no friends and i will never get any.

Former Member

Hey Mahsa, Whilst I've never moved countries, I have movies regions/cities, I moved from the North of England to the south-west, on my own and I remember the crippling feeling of loneliness, my best-friend now has a new best friend and sometimes its as if I don't exist.
Whilst i don't want to tell you what to do, have you got any suggestions of what you could do? Does you're uni have any social clubs or something? i'm not sure about uni in canada i'm afraid, what about goggling places to hangout or something?

Former Member

Hey Masha,
Sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely It can be really hard when you move to a new country, I know this from experience.

Like Redhead suggested, would there be any social clubs at your uni you'd be interested in joining?

I also lived abroad for a while and I found that there were quite a few 'new in town' meet ups where people would meet up for drinks and then just get to know other people there - everyone was super welcoming and friendly, and there was no obligation to keep going if you didn't enjoy it, but if you did going back was also fine... maybe something like that would work for you?

Former Member

I had a close friend and we used to hang out alot. She was also new here and we were both really happy to find each other in a new country. Everything was quite fine since she found a boyfriend. She rarely even texts me now! She doesn't plan to spend her weekends with me anymore. I didn't need any other friend when I was with her but I can't believe what she is doing. I don't want to talk to her about this because I don't know how she will react. What if she thinks im jealous or something! Which im absollutly not! Im even more than happy for her.
Also about the club, yes they are so many clubs and stuff but beacuse of my studies im realyy busy and also lazy to be honest. Also I don't want to talk to other people who know her about this.

Former Member

Hi Mahsa,

I'm really sorry you feel alone and lonely especially in a new place as that must be really emotionally tough.

I think if you two had a good friendship, with a non-judgmental and non-passive conversation, you could perhaps tell her that you feel left out but you are still happy. As a lot of people get so carried away with a new relationship that they want to spend all of their time with that person because they think they are amazing, but she may not have meant to make you feel left out or lonely, therefore perhaps it is best to try and speak to her. TheSite has some good articles like this one which may really help your situation: (http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/friendship/how-to-confront-a-friend-3318.html), however maybe if she leaves you alone so easily and isn't bothered about your emotions then she might not be an ideal friend and it may be best finding out now instead of getting more emotionally attached and then loosing her in a few months to come.

I think it's also think it's important to note that it is completely normal to feel alone and lonely, especially with studying abroad, and you may find that other people on your course/ around you may have the exact same feelings as you, but just be bottling up their emotions so you don't see this side. However it may be helpful to talk to the people on your course or those around you and perhaps do things with them, this not only expands your friendship group but may be helpful when it comes to things like assignments/ deadlines etc.

Another idea is to see it as a completely exciting and new time especially as you are in a new place, and think as you do not have any commitments (apart from schooling) that you can reinvent yourself or go and see places that you might not get the chance to see again, or do some extra modules. This may help by keeping your mind busy and focused on other issues that you may stop feeling lonely.

If however you feel extremely low, upset and lonely it may be best to speak to somebody. I'm not sure about Canadian colleges, but there may be either a college tutor, a teacher or another person such as a college counselor who is able to give you some specialist help, alternatively come and speak on the discussion boards as you're bound to get a friendly response from someone on here - and the best thing is that we're all so diverse that you might make a range of new friends :cool:

Really hope you start feeling better soon!