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Help - struggling with bipolar and fibromyalgia [PTW]
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar and fybromyalgia a few years ago. I live at home with my son who has fragile x and my husband who is disabled due to spinal issues. I am in debt due to the bipolar spend spend spend. i am in the process of loosing my job due to being off for 8 months and not being fit to go back. I feel that my life has been on a downward spiral all my life due to suffering childhood traumas, bring up my son, finding a man i really love only for him to take ill 6 months into the relationship. i feel that everyone depends on me and i dont know how to cope with myself never mind anyone else.. i have previously taken an overdose and know that after seeing the hurt and pain this caused my mum, and the thought of the pain it would cause my sons i know that i wont do this again. yesterday i was so depressed after doing a mindfulness session as i felt i was drowing in the lake that we had to visualise. on the way home i felt so empty that i started to scratch at my arms so that i could feel something. i did this again this morning on my legs and feel the urge to cut myself deeper. i hate myself, who i am, the way i look. i am scared and though i am getting support nothing seems to be working.
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Comments
What support are you currently receiving as I read that you feel nothing helps?
It is concerning that you have started to scratch yourself and I'm wondering whether you have spoken to anyone about this before now? When you feel this way, it is important that you try to find things which can help to distract you and take your mind off of it--Do you have any hobbies or activities you perhaps like to do with your son more than others?
Hannah x
I am currently seeing a phyciatrist and have a cpn. i am currently in lots of groups for support but they still leave me feeling alone. I love crafts but am finding it hard to start anything at the moment as my head isnt in it. I am also selling everything i have in relation to my crafts to make some money so that i can pay off some of the debts. i cut myself yerstday and it felt good feeling something but am scared that my husband sees the marks. i have tried telling people how i feel but no one can take over sorting things out and i feel that the responsiblities are too much. Its my sons birthday this weekend and he will be 21 and my other son comes back for the weekend which i am trying to use as a focus at the moment. i miss him so much as he is such a long way away but i dont want him to know how bad things are as he is just starting his career. If i could get out of this debt and know what is going to happen finacially after i loose my job then i know that this could take away some of the stress but dont know where to start as i find it hard to physically talk to anyone. i never thought that i would be grateful for a high but being in the depressive state for over two months is hard and i know that when my son goes away again it will hit me hard. I hate feeling like this and once upon a time it would have been me supporting other going through this. i am fed up of fighting with no end results.
Have you ever cut or harmed yourself at all in way in your life before? (I noticed your age too). Harming ourselves is not the right answer at all, although it does have short term relief for us, which I understand. How would you feel talking to your husband about your harming and about how you are feeling?
It's lovely that making crafts is a hobby for you-What kinds of things do you make?
Great that you have tried telling people how you feel. You're right, they can't take over sorting things out and that is ultimately your job however they can support you with any decisions you make and can offer you a lot of advice and guidance in order to support you.
In terms of your financial situation, have you done some research about it?
Sorry if I can't help much.
Hannah
Sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time at the moment, but I hope you had a good weekend with your son. It's good that you're currently getting support from a Psychiatrist and CPN - but I was wondering whether you've told them about the support groups not working for you and whether they have any other services in your area that might also be of use? Not everything will work for everyone, so if there is something else to try it might help you greatly.
I know you've said about enjoying your crafts but that unfortunately you're having to sell a lot of the stuff at the moment - would you consider keeping it and trying to make things? Sometimes I find it's really hard to start things but once I get going I enjoy it; could this maybe be the case with you? It might also distract you from the urges to self harm. I know the urges will still be here so make sure you look after yourself and make sure the cuts don't get infected. TS also have a good list of things you could try to do when you have urges to self harm here: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-coping-tips-and-distractions-5696.html
Have you considered contacting the Money Advice Service or Citizen's Advice Bureau about the debt issues you are currently having? They might be able to work with you to find ways of working out ways of managing your money that work for you?