Sexual orientation

Former Member

Say if you've never been in a relationship with a girl but you've only been in a relationship with a boy. Then how would you know your sexuality? Do you have to explore to know your sexuality or shall I say date the gender to know completely?

Former Member

In my experience, no you don't have to have had experience/dated someone to know your sexuality. I'd never dated a girl but I still knew I was a lesbian. It's different for everyone though and some people prefer to experiment first, others just know.

Former Member

So even if you've dated a boy, you can still be gay even if you haven't had experience with a girl and how do people know their sexual orientation . Is it something you just feel? They say experimenting doesn't have to happen either to know which is good

Former Member

Yeah you don't need to have dated one gender to know that you're into them. I think for me it was something that I felt, I felt like I was different from everyone else and didn't really have much interest in boys. I felt the way I should have felt about boys, but about girls

Former Member

Like I've had a relationship with a boy but I wouldn't want a relationship with one. Not because of any bad experience but because I don't feel like I want a relationship with a guy.

Former Member

That makes sense, there are so many different sexualities out there that deciding which one we are can be difficult. Try not to worry too much about labelling yourself though, these things can often take time and being defined by these labels isn't important

Former Member

Which ones are there? I mean no one can force you to be with someone of whatever gender they are. I don't like being labelled but many people feel that you have to be labelled and that's where the pressure kicks in. I think that has helped to know you don't have to have dated to know what you are or attracted to. You have a feeling and my feeling is that I find girls more connected with. I know I have no experience but there's that feeling.

Former Member

Hi Zell, It's always good to follow your feelings, whether you have experienced things yet or not - it all comes with time anyway. Try to listen to your gut and as Hiccup says, try not to worry too much about sticking to particular labels that are generally due to outside pressures.

Do you have close friends or family that you can easily talk to about all this?

Have a look at our article on Exploring your sexuality that might help, and do keep us updated *hug*

Former Member

I prefer to keep things to myself for now. But use the site to help me in the right direction. Makes it easier. I have had useful info from hiccup. And thank you for suggesting to listen to my feelings.

Former Member

Of course :yes: I only meant to "feel free" to keep us updated - as in you're always welcome to keep posting about anything whenever you want *hug*

Former Member

I think with the site. It's supportive and you get information more than if you was to ask anyone who would probably not understand. I think I now have seen things differently. I looked at the link before and I thought I wanted to get more information so I asked on the message board. Because I don't exactly have friends , this would be the ideal place to be free to talk about a situation I'm in. I haven't exactly had much opportunities to meet new people and it can be hard to meet the right ones for you. And then so it can be difficult to talk about personal things if you don't really have anyone to talk to about it. As in friends. It's nice to have friends to be open with.

Former Member

Zell wrote: »

I think with the site. It's supportive and you get information more than if you was to ask anyone who would probably not understand. I think I now have seen things differently. I looked at the link before and I thought I wanted to get more information so I asked on the message board. Because I don't exactly have friends , this would be the ideal place to be free to talk about a situation I'm in. I haven't exactly had much opportunities to meet new people and it can be hard to meet the right ones for you. And then so it can be difficult to talk about personal things if you don't really have anyone to talk to about it. As in friends. It's nice to have friends to be open with.

You've come to the right place then, the majority of people on the boards have experience in a lot of the situations in which people need support for, thats the great thing about here. Everyone's really friendly and they take the time to reply carefully and thoughtfully to people's posts. Feel free to make other posts about personal things if you need to. It's nice to have you here as a member

Former Member

I'm not sure when the support chats are but that would be good. Thank you so much. I am experiencing really bad period pains, making my thoughts and everything more intense. Can't really explain that but it's making things more difficult. You know for example wanting to know who you are and what you want in life. You think more when your going through that difficulty. Is it just me haha. But as you say Hiccup , you can be whatever you want with your sexuality and it doesn't matter If you haven't experienced. It doesn't define you but if you feel you are a lesbian or gay or anything then it's up to you? right? :-)

Former Member

Support chats are sunday - thursday at 8 - 9:30. We also have general chats too which run along side the support chats
Have you taken anything for your period pains? If you can try and get a hot water bottle and hold it where the pains are, I find this helps. I think that's quite a common feeling finding everything a bit harder when you're going through a difficult time in life, but it does eventually get easier.
That's exactly right, you can be whoever you want to be and love whoever you want to love

Former Member

I made an actual note of the things we discussed and it made sense to me and helped me a lot. I have written it all down and will remember it. I quoted it to support me with my thoughts.

Former Member

I'm glad it was able to help! Do keep reaching out if you need to

Former Member

I feel the worst when I have my periods. I generally don't get any good sleep. I have more nightmares when I am on period. Very strange. It's even more strange because I want to be able to love who I want but I just don't have that much opportunities to meet new people. I guess people also expect you to just be straight and it gets quite Weird. Sometimes it's a bit awkward to mention personal things out of the blue and I guess I was questioned about my sexuality but I don't exactly want to say if I don't really know but then again I have bit of an idea. I would date a girl but I don't want to date a guy so... It's just I don't feel like I can connect emotionally? Or anything. I know I shouldn't rush or label but it's just something that has been on my mind for a while. I guess you have a feeling if you don't feel like others say talking about their ideal man but you sort of don't fit in that. It's just like am I even attracted to men? Do I see myself being connected to them. I wish I had a girlfriend but I just don't know where haha. Clubs and stuff are not really ideal. In my opinion. Drinking and not knowing what is going on... so it's scary to think of the future. Am I going to meet my right or ... be single for the rest of my lifetime