omg she/he is a virgin (rant)

One-in-a-million

Ok guy just need a bit of a rant so here we go

Omg she/he is a virgin
I suppose it’s hard to dismiss that sex is becoming more and more a “fashionable thing to do” rather than something that is just a natural thing to do. Now it’s all shock horror should you be a 20 year old virgin like myself.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who can talk to a group of people and not avoid the subject of “when did you first do it” and everyone starts to shout out numbers that just keep getting bigger and bigger. soon your turn comes and you smile meekly knowing that they are about to Either bust out laughing or show signs of complete shock as if it is illegal to be 20 and a virgin . This normally turns into people telling you (me) you are either a prude or an A-sexual.
Ok, firstly there is nothing wrong with it or people who are A-sexual but the fact is I’m not, nor am I a prude. The one reason I simply haven’t (popped my cherry as people put it) is that I just haven’t found the right guy to share my body with. I still have sexual feelings I just don’t act upon them with someone. Believe me when I say I still get horny especially after my cycles it just my hormones and it doesn’t mean I should have a one night stand as it has been suggested. And after all I’m the virgin here so what’s it go to do with you? It’s not as if by not me not having sex your life will be effected is it?
Relationships
Just like other people I would love to be in a loving relationship, get married and have children. But not all at once, to be honest I’ve never had much luck in relationships. One of my problems is I don’t know many guys, my other problem is any conversation I have with a guy always ends up to the subject of sex. Again there is nothing wrong with sex , its natural, healthy etc. But when we are in the “getting to know each other” stage that becomes before forming a loving relationship. Asking when will they sleep with you, are you horny/wet and even going as far as “will we do more than talk on our first date” really make me start to think that this guy wants to get on my pants and nothing else.
I’ve never really had much luck with guys and since being sexual harassed during my school years, I have always been a bit more wary of others. That being said there is a guy I’m completely comfortable with and really like, but sadly he only want friendship oh well.
He will ask if I want to go for a meal and then we just talk. Not about sex but about what we’ve been doing e.g. work, college, spare time etc. To me the simple “how was your day?” question beasts “when can I bang you” any time.
Relationships do not always need to involve “sex” 1000% of the time.
I’m not a prude and I’m not saying I would never want sex because with the right guy I would. But I want to feel comfortable before I share my body with them.
Rant over

Former Member

Hi One-in-a-million,

Always good to have a rant :yes:

It sounds like you have a very mature, clever and reasonable way of thinking about sex and relationships. As you say, its your choice whether you want to sleep with someone or not, and the need to feel comfortable enough to share your body with them is really important. This doesn't mean you do not feel the urge, and as you say, not every chat with guys should always lead to mentioning sex.

You certainly don't sound like a prude and what you said about it being your business is absolutely right - those who care will not judge you anyway and these are those that matter. It can be really nice to wait for the right person to lose your virginity to, and there certainly is no age limit!

Sorry to hear about you the sexual harassment you dealt with during school years. This has made you more wary of others and that is completely understandable. Have you mentioned this to close friends or family? It can always help to talk *hug*

Do have a look at our article on Losing your virginity and feel free to keep ranting!

Former Member

I can relate to so much of this.

I was once told (and I won't be that surrpised if it's really true) that many who are saying they lost their virginity at 13 or around that age, are actually lying.

Former Member

I think it's a real inspiration that you're a virgin and good on you for being able to say it out loud because there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Don't let anyone put you down because of this. You're clearly very head strong and that's something a lot of other people are missing.

As you say, you will find that person one day and you'll have a special experience filled with love, rather than a one time thing just because.

Keep your head up high and be proud of yourself :yes:

Former Member

I can definitely relate to this 100%. I was in the same mind set as you and wanted to wait for the right person and did not want to give it away to just anyone. I am 21 and only recently lost mine. I think it is definitely a whole lot better with someone who you have a deep emotional connection with and with someone who you have genuine feelings with.

Ultimately dont feel bad or ashamed! Your time will eventually come and you will feel great! (i hope!)

One-in-a-million

Hi guys I'm so sorry for my late reply; I am so glad people have been able to relate to what I've said . It means a lot to know I'm not the only one who feels like this and doesn't see anything wrong with it. I had spoken about my sexual harassment to a few people and a college counsellor at one point which really helped. To be honest my friend who I talked about in my rant helped me too (he doesn't know though) He helped by showing me that actually I can hang out with someone without the need for physical contact if that makes sense.

People still seem to think I'm overthinking about "opportunities" to get with someone, for example This guy who I know but don't know extremely well (know him for say hi too but not much more) asked me to go a house party with him as says he fancies me. However I said while I want to get to know him better I wasn't feeling to sure about going to a house full of strangers with a guy I hardly know. Which he and a few of my friends thought I was over thinking. But the way I saw it was that anything could happen to me because I don't know him enough to make a confidant decision about my safety. But now I'm wondering was I overthinking it i.e thinking of negatives????

Sorry guys its kind of turned into another rant

JustV

Hey,

Rant away.

With regards to the second half of your post... It's great to be aware of your safety with things like this, particularly with strangers. However, I think you might be rightly inclined when you say you may have been overthinking it or thinking about it with a negativity bias (a very human thing to do!). In situations such as this one with house parties and such, it might make more sense to consider it to be largely harmless (as they often are) unless you have a reason to believe there's some danger. Of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't still keep your wits about you. :yes:

Former Member

I was legit having a similar rant to someone earlier xD

I think guys get it harsher than girls too since there's the whole 'you're not a man till you've fucked someone' type of bullshit. I'm 17, going on 18, and I'm the only male in my group who's a virgin. That's great to me though, since I know I'm gonna have a better relationship anyway since I wasn't really immature like them at a young age.

There's quite a lot of girls in my group who are virgins, which is great to know, and they're perfectly fine and happy so there's proof girls don't need to do it while they're young. I'm proof that guys don't since I'm actually alive.

I hate it over hearing conversations of younger students (13-15 type age) saying how they've done all this sexual stuff and I really want to just pull them aside and yell at them for it. It isn't cool or whatever people think. I don't understand why they all 'need' to do it. I'm terrified of the first time I do, so I just don't understand how they can just go ahead and do it.

Okay my rants over, back to happy Joel

One-in-a-million

Hi sorry or such a late reply, I am not feeling as bad for saying no to this house party now. I suppose I would have just felt more at ease if he said to bring a friend with me (I could get out if it turned out awkward) either way we did arrange to meet but he blew me off for someone else oh well his loss :P

I'm glad its just not me then Joel I do agree that guy do get more stick for it. where as I suppose it double standards for girls depending on how they come across. Its just sad how they feel the need to judge others about their sexual experiences