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Spiraling out of control
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm just going to put it all out there. I've been held back a year,I still talk to my friends and the classmates I have now are nice and don't care,but ever since I've started to go crazy.
When my mom helps me with math and I get something wrong,I can't listen to her and feel the need to rebel as if I'm smarter than she is when in reality I'm wrong. One time it got so bad I lost control of my body and mind as if I was possessed by demon I said things and did things I knew were wrong,but couldn't help do.
A few months went by me and my mom were fine we argued,but on a normal level. Now in the past few months I've been feeling strange I had two events where I stayed up all night writing and looking back on how crappy my life is,how my parents are disappointed in me and how I have no ACTUAL friends outside of school.
One day during school I spent the whole day bursting into tears whenever someone was mean when I'd normally brush it off,during P.E I was guarding the goal person and some of my team mates who get carried away yelled at me too move so I did,but other people told me to get help defend the goal box so I went in a corner and cried while the teacher yelled at me to participate.
I can't blame the teacher,because my back was facing him and I was wearing a hat soo... anyway I've been feeling like I don't belong here not to the point of suicide,but that nobody appreciates me honestly I don't know I feel all emotions at once and it's bothering me sometimes I feel like accomplishin things,that I am worth it then I feel out of place or angry or its complicated if anyone has advice please help me.
When my mom helps me with math and I get something wrong,I can't listen to her and feel the need to rebel as if I'm smarter than she is when in reality I'm wrong. One time it got so bad I lost control of my body and mind as if I was possessed by demon I said things and did things I knew were wrong,but couldn't help do.
A few months went by me and my mom were fine we argued,but on a normal level. Now in the past few months I've been feeling strange I had two events where I stayed up all night writing and looking back on how crappy my life is,how my parents are disappointed in me and how I have no ACTUAL friends outside of school.
One day during school I spent the whole day bursting into tears whenever someone was mean when I'd normally brush it off,during P.E I was guarding the goal person and some of my team mates who get carried away yelled at me too move so I did,but other people told me to get help defend the goal box so I went in a corner and cried while the teacher yelled at me to participate.
I can't blame the teacher,because my back was facing him and I was wearing a hat soo... anyway I've been feeling like I don't belong here not to the point of suicide,but that nobody appreciates me honestly I don't know I feel all emotions at once and it's bothering me sometimes I feel like accomplishin things,that I am worth it then I feel out of place or angry or its complicated if anyone has advice please help me.
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Comments
I'm sorry to hear you've been held back a year but it's really positive that you're still able to talk to your friends and that you have some classmates that you like.
From reading your post it sounds like you're a real thinker - and that sometimes all of these thoughts can be really overwhelming for you to the point that you feel really emotional.
The episode you had when you say you lost control sounds scary for you - is that something that has happened to you before?
Right now my instinct is to urge you to seek some support - that might be a school counsellor, another adult that you trust or a family member you feel will listen. Sometimes once we have offloaded to someone that really takes us seriously it can help us to see things a bit more clearly. It sounds like making your parents proud is important to you?
Finding your passions, your purpose and your sense of belonging is often something that takes time but I wonder what things you do enjoy doing? When do you feel happy and relaxed? Taking up a hobby might be a way of meeting new people outside of school for example.
Let us know how you're getting on *hug*