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Boyfriend(27 yrs old of 4 years, prefers to masturbate instead of having sex with me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i had a 4-5 hour conversation with my boyfriend about this yesterday. i know he can be lazy, i voiced my need to be pleased in that way. he says that masturbation is quick and easy.he works long hours and is often tired. he is missing that fact that i need attention too. he even suggested that i masturbate as well. i dont understand this at all. here are the following reasons i got for our fading sex life. i asked if i was getting old in the bedroom or if i was becoming less attractive, he replied no to both of the questions.

- he's had a lot of sex in his past
-sex is just a physical act, but its not that big of a deal
- he doesn't think about sex as much as he used to and when he does he just masturbates
- his sex drive is slowly decreasing with age (but he's 27). i dont get that

someone please help me understand this. i'm going insane

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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,336 Part of The Furniture
    Hi Brittany,

    These situations can be really tough, especially when it feels like your own needs aren't being noticed or considered. It's great that you've spoken to your boyfriend about this as well so well done for having that discussion, even though it sounds like it may not have produced the ideal result.

    It's also totally normal to feel confused or that you're going a bit mad when these sorts of things are happening; hopefully using this space to talk about things could help? :) Feel free to give us some more details and info on what's going on if you like so we can help as best we can. We have a relationships Q&A service here at TheSite which you may find useful; all questions submitted are responded to within two working days and are totally confidential and anonymous.

    You (rightly) talk about having your own needs too - did you mention that in your discussion with him? If so, how did he respond to it?

    All the best
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there :wave:

    It sounds like you’ve had quite an emotionally tough time recently. Sex can be quite difficult in relationships as there are two people’s needs to fulfil however it is important both partners are happy. With the age gap it may be that he has more experience and therefore knows what he wants, however it sounds like your needs are not being met at the moment. It is really good that you felt able to open up about this problem to your partner as that may be a step closer to getting your needs met.

    Your feelings are completely valid and normal however it may be helpful to get a step closer to changing the situation, either through using the Q+A service that Mike discussed; using the board to communicate with others or reading articles on TheSite such as “How much Sex is Normal” . If you feel able and willing to talk to your partner, I feel that it is a good idea to be friendly and get your point across, so that he knows how you are feeling, if this has not already been done.

    Good luck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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