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I need a rant

Hi for those of you who don't know me (well nobody knows me personally) - I am Amanda and I'm sick of trying to fit in and be someone I'm not. Hence this is me (a whole mix up of things I've never told anyone). I don't care if people I'm weird because I'm convinced, I don't know what I am saying but what the hell!!!!!!!

Word come out my mouth I don't understand
I shout and swear at myself when my parents are out to relieve stress.
I've started self harming again!
I kick and punch walls for stress relief and when I'm hyper
I'm convinced I'm asexual
I like being alone but I hate feeling lonely
I hate myself
I feel I can't do anything right
My parents are pissing me off
My parents put a tracker on my phone which I hate
My moods are being shit weird at the moment
I struggle with anxiety
I think I'm developing a new anxiety of being in my house- I hate it
I get suicdial thoughts and in the moment go out and buy shit
I binge when I'm stressed or anxious and when I feel low
I'm so self conscious
I don't know what the fuck this post is all about
I'm trapped

THE STORY OF MY LIFE- THE END

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can relate to quite a few of the things you've said, I really really hope things start getting better for you soon. We're all here for you, whenever you need *hug*
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Enchanted wrote: »
    Can relate to quite a few of the things you've said, I really really hope things start getting better for you soon. We're all here for you, whenever you need *hug*

    Thanks Enchanted, sometimes I just need to say everything that's bothering me aloud!!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Feeling quite low today. Finished my Christmas shopping in an attempt to make myself feel better, but meh.....sitting in my local library right now. Just having some alone time away from home.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    apandav wrote: »

    Thanks Enchanted, sometimes I just need to say everything that's bothering me aloud!!
    Totally get that too, I posted a rather ranty thread last night that seemed to lift a little off me just bc I was saying stuff lol
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Enchanted wrote: »
    Totally get that too, I posted a rather ranty thread last night that seemed to lift a little off me just bc I was saying stuff lol


    Well if it works why not? :)
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    Hope you're okay apandav :heart: *hug*s
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    You are more than your mental health Amanda, mental health can seem so consuming and overpowering it might feel like it is you, and theres nothing else to it, but there is, there is a lot more to it. You are a strong independant individual, studying at University, tackling each day at a time and I personally think you're absolutely lovely! - I know you've mentioned that these are things you've never told anyone, I just wanted to like say that you are more than this though.

    But remember Amanda, we are here for you throughout all of this, and you don't have to go through it alone, take each day as it comes, and reach out to support here if you need it! :heart:
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    You are more than your mental health Amanda, mental health can seem so consuming and overpowering it might feel like it is you, and theres nothing else to it, but there is, there is a lot more to it. You are a strong independant individual, studying at University, tackling each day at a time and I personally think you're absolutely lovely! - I know you've mentioned that these are things you've never told anyone, I just wanted to like say that you are more than this though.

    But remember Amanda, we are here for you throughout all of this, and you don't have to go through it alone, take each day as it comes, and reach out to support here if you need it! :heart:


    Thanks very much whispers, very nicely put! I forget I'm just Amanda sometimes, right now I'm caught up in all this negative thinking. I just find it so difficult to break away from that.

    That means a lot, thanks :heart:
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything, I need to calm down!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I feel lost right now, so many things to deal with, some small some big, I've just faffed about all morning, got upset and then sh'd. Feeling very pathetic :( i don't know what to do, just faffing about on thesite right now, yet I could be doing those dishes and tidying my room. Then I have that one big problem to resolve........ I just can't!!!!!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks to TheSite again, I've calmed down now had a look at the Chat and Christmas threads- got me in the mood for Christmas songs, its really cheered me up :) (PS. sorry for spamming with Christmas songs :d )
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    apandav wrote: »
    Thanks to TheSite again, I've calmed down now had a look at the Chat and Christmas threads- got me in the mood for Christmas songs, its really cheered me up :) (PS. sorry for spamming with Christmas songs :d )


    Nice one Amanda :) Finding positive distractions can really help! And well done for having a good vent too - as @Enchanted says, it can take the weight off a bit and leave you feeling lighter.

  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Jo7 wrote: »


    Nice one Amanda :) Finding positive distractions can really help! And well done for having a good vent too - as @Enchanted says, it can take the weight off a bit and leave you feeling lighter.


    Surprisingly it does help Jo :) that's why its good to have light-hearted threads in thesite too! Definitely needed this rant :)
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