First Time.

Former Member

Hi Guys,

So lets get right down to it. Basically for most of my life I have held the decision and the choice that I wanted to wait for the right person before I had sex. I think the time has come and I think maybe... my first time is on the horizon... Within the next few weeks. I was wondering what everyone's experiences were of as their first time? I've always been told to expect the worst because it's never good. I am feeling very anxious about it.. is that normal? I'm obviously quite concerned about the pain too.

Is there anyone who can provide me with a lil bit of reassurance at all?

Former Member

It wasn't good, it wasn't bad, it just was. Rather uneventful. I would not say expect the worst, but I definitely advise not to expect rainbows and angels playing the trumpet when your first time it's done. It does not feel like you suddenly broke a barrier and now you are mature person. It's more like, "so that's what the fuss is about. I wonder if there is leftover meatloaf from yesterday."

Don't put any pressure on you, don't have the mindset that it DOES need to happen right now. If you get cold feet, let your partner know. You are not obligated to follow through with what you thought was a promise you gave.

Former Member

Thanks for your reply Strubble. I suppose at times I am worried about it not going right or hurting like hell. I just want things to be good and I want to not feel worried or scared about like all my other very bad experiences.

I guess I don't really know what to expect.. I don't know shit about sex and doing it all safely which is pretty dumb considering my age but yeah..

Former Member

Well, it can hurt. My first gf was in pain. She relayed that to me and we stopped. You could ask for more foreplay, or use lube. Just don't silently take it in pain. If you cannot communicate about wants/needs/pain with your partner you are not ready to have sex. There is nothing bad that can happen if you communicate with your partner and when your partner is not a rapist.

How old are you? I take it you are informed about contraceptives?

Former Member

I'm not going to lie, sex is really painful for me but when I was with my ex boyfriend and things were good, I didn't see it as being painful. Communication really is key and as long as you're definitely ready to take this step, it's going to be okay. You're in control of all of this - whatever you say goes *hug*

Former Member

Thanks for that, Butterfly.

Could you explain what you mean by you didn't see it as being painful at the time? I'm not sure I understand?

I'm not so worried about not having control anymore because he knows if I don't feel in control or I don't trust he won't stop then it won't be happening. So of course that's not a worry. Idk what is worrying anymore.. if its the pain or the expectations of it all..

Former Member

I remember my first time hurting, but not as much as I thought it would. I didn't bleed a lot either. The pain I had came in the few days after where I felt bruised. I couldn't sit down properly!

As long as you're relaxed and comfortable when it happens, and with the person you do it with, you should be ok. It's so normal to worry, but try not to imagine what it might be like too much as that may make you tense and throw you off if it doesn't go as expected. Have fun with it, and good luck!

Former Member

I waited quite a long time because I needed to be comfortable. When the time eventually came with my ex, it was very relaxed and I don't think I'd trusted anyone as much as I trusted her so I wasn't too insecure about it (I always had been until then). I think the trust then had a knock on effect and made the overall experience much much easier. Never feel guilty about not feeling up to it or ready.

Feeling anxious about it is definitely normal, especially if you have another reason to be nervous about that sort of thing or you suffer with longer term anxiety. As someone who is generally very anxious I can say that the most helpful thing for me at the time was being able to laugh things off and generally joke around a little when some things inevitably went pear shaped and I looked like a bit of a goof. But, some things probably will just like they would with anything else you start for the first time. So in terms of the actual experience, it won't necessarily be bad but don't expect things to go flawlessly.

Afterwards, the biggest thing was the relief of it being over and then the realization of how insignificant the idea of virginity and popping your cherry actually is. Like StrubbleS says, you don't suddenly have this epiphany and realise how glorious it is to now have a sex life. Once it's done, you realise how big of a deal it isn't.

Good luck!

Former Member

Feeling anxious is completely normal. My first time was definitely awkward at first. The boy knew what he was doing but I hadn't. But if you're really into him, it will feel right. I didn't bleed, i know a lot of people do but i guess thats just up to your body type. It hurts at first not gonna lie... but just try to stay relaxed and that will make your experience much more enjoyable. You're closeness to he person will definitely approve after the first time so don't worry if the communication during is awkward, i will get better

Former Member

Hey @Past User,

I just wanted to duck in and give you some links that might help, we've got some great info on TheSite to help you work out if you're ready and also some really sound advice on losing your virginity with some info on that question of whether it will hurt or not: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/virginity/losing-your-virginity-3336.html

The more relaxed you are and turned on the less likely it is to hurt so make sure you have plenty of foreplay like kissing an touching each other to help you get in the mood you could also consider using some lube to make things easier.

You mentioned not being sure about doing it safely - to avoid pregnancy and/or STIs, condoms are essential and if possible it would be good to talk about that with your partner before you go ahead so that you know what you're going to do to keep yourselves safe. There is some more info on contraception here: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/safer-sex/methods-of-contraception-4557.html

How are you feeling about it all after hearing everyone's experiences?

Former Member

THanks guys.... it has actually already happened now. It was actually quite pleasant... nowhere near as bad as I thought Was definitely a good choice for me and I do not regret it a single bit. I feel like its helped strengthen my relatioship with him too. It was a complete learning curve but I think i have changed a lot. after having horrible past experiences, this felt so different. I did not feel bad or horrible during or afterwards. Obviously it was not all fun and games but overall a good experience. Thanks for all your support guys

Former Member

Really pleased to hear you had a good experience :yes:

Former Member

This is great to hear!