Separated and suicidal

Former Member

I recently split with my hubby of 22 years. He had a one night stand and left. I didn't want him to. I just want him home and I don't care what he did. He won't even talk to me. He says he is too ashamed to face me after what he did. I know if not for our kids id be dead. I won't see Xmas if he doesn't come home. I know people say this a lot but I really can't go on without him. My gp sent a psych nurse to see me who was no help at all. I don't need counselling I know what's wrong with me, I just need a way to make him see sense.

Former Member

No, you could really benefit from counselling, because you do not know what's wrong with you since Suicide is not an appropriate reaction to betrayal. Some people take professional counselling and some people just get some sort of therapeutical effect from taking to their kids and loved ones. I vaguely know what you are going through, not because I am in this position, but because my mother is. My father left my mother. It was not a one night stand, but she actually has a girlfriend. They are still married, still live in a cabin on a mountain/hill. They try to avoid each other as much as possible. My father has huge debt and my mother cosigned loans for my fathers now failing company. She has to sit with him at a table and hash out financials knowing he later will spend the night at his new girlfriend. So the shit is up to their necks.

You cannot make him see sense, he either comes back and you talk about it, or you are going through a divorce like my parents are. People get divorced constantly, my mother even has support from her divorced sister who is doing well and has a good relationship with her kids, which are her family. Yet my mother cannot imagine how things should ever be better or happy ever again. Life goes on, even if you cannot imagine a way right now how. And the clouds will part and the sun will come out again.

Build yourself a support network. Talk to your children, relatives, maybe even a professional. You totally should, even if you can't see the point. Go anyway.

Also you should consider your husbands infidelity as a problem in your marriage and not an "oopsie" that does not need talking about.

Former Member

Hi T40. This is a really sad thing to happen and I'm so so sorry. As Strubbles says, your support network is vital at this difficult time - who do you have you can lean on? Family? Friends?

Unfortunately you can't make him see sense, he has to see the decision for himself. But again as Strubbles says, you need to talk about your issues anyway as infidelity is a betrayal which you shouldn't necessarily just accept.

I'm afraid these boards are aimed at 16-25 year olds, so I don't have any information specific to your situation, but perhaps you could talk to the Samaritans if you are feeling suicidal? They are there to listen and support no matter what the issue. Relate could also help you as they specialise in relationships.

Again, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.