Are dating apps killing romance?

Former Member

Has anyone seen this short film on BBC about the use of dating apps?

It talks about the changes in the way people look for sex and relationships nowadays. Some app users said they found it quicker and easier to meet someone, or enjoyed ‘the chase’ and the attention, with some others finding it time consuming and repetitive, or like ‘window shopping’; but would still spend hours on them or are even addicted to them.

I found one of the stats quite thought-provoking:

“More than 400 million swipes on tinder daily”

It’s becoming much easier to pursue a date without having to win them over with romance first. What do you guys think of the use of dating apps to find romance?

I wonder if anyone can relate or share any experiences :chin:

Former Member

I think that it can make things a lot easier - people can connect with others, find a little more about them, rather than just gambling on meeting someone in the pub. It opens up the possibilites - and yes it definitely makes things easier.

To be honest, I know a couple of people who have told me they have used dating apps, for 'window shopping' just to see what's out there, and to be nosey probably! I think people also used to feel a bit ashamed of using dating apps to hook up with people, but this is becoming so normal these days, the embarrassment seems to be disappearing.

Has anyone seen this video - 'Offline Dating' - about a guy who tries to ask people out face to face instead of using dating apps? He tries to get a date - and you really need to see some of the women's reactions - there is such a variety! I think it really does underline Raich's comments about how plugged in, and used to dating apps we are, in terms of connecting with people and finding someone we could date.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1fqC9nbmc4

Former Member

Hi raich and Tamsinjo, thanks for sharing the videos

I think they are both really great videos, showing that there are different ways and apps out there to satisfy different needs. However, I think people need to be careful before they sign up to any of those apps and find out the reputation and the real meaning of the app, if they are actually looking for a real date and maybe a future partner.

I believe it's not easy to find a partner on a dating sites/apps but it's not impossible. Actually, I've tried it myself when I was younger but I never found a serious partner through them. I just had some fun and interesting dates but that was it. I remember I was really careful choosing the dates though!

Anyhow, real life interaction is very different and I personally prefer that. I prefer if someone comes to me (or contacts on FB because I dont use anything else) and shows an interest like that. I think it's really funny how dating has changed over time and everything is online now, where people can create fake profiles (but not necessarily, of course). It's funny how now asking for a contact or a phone number is seen as a negative and kind of intruding thing, opposite of what it meant in the past. I guess we are used to seeing information about people online, so we can judge if it's worth a date, but when it happens face to face, we don't have time for that.

I could write much more, but I'll just say that I agree with what Tamsinjo said that internet & apps made it much easier for people to connect, meet and find each other nowadays.

Skive

Never used one. Used to enjoy going to town getting pissed up and trying to chat up the ladies - do people still not do this?

Former Member

Thanks for sharing that @Tamsinjo an interesting mix of reactions in there!

I agree with @elyte about people nowadays sometimes finding it intrusive if they are asked for a date face to face when that actually used to be the norm. It seems the increase in online dating sites and phone apps has caused a shift in the way society thinks is usual to meet someone. It’s interesting that you’ve mentioned the safety and honesty aspects of it. It’s important to make sure that you really know who you’re talking to and being careful about meeting people online – even if it is a normal thing these days! I also agree with you that face to face interaction is different – do you think people sometimes behave differently in person than online?

@Skive – I think people do still chat and flirt when they go out. I guess it depends on the person and how they prefer to meet people :yes:

Former Member

@raich, yes I believe some people are more brave online than in reality. And some people definitely pretend to be someone they are not (you can see it from their profiles). It is sad really that they want to 'buy' others attention by lies, I think.

Former Member

Skive wrote: »

Never used one. Used to enjoy going to town getting pissed up and trying to chat up the ladies - do people still not do this?

:yes:

I think that's the thing i'm unsure about re the craze of dating apps - Nowadays it seems like even when you make an effort to go out eg bar/pub/club, the people that you could be flirting with are not looking around them - they are looking at their phones!! Ive noticed on many occasions people out in bars but instead of checking out the clientele they still use their app there! Or they don't bother chatting people up because they know when they go home they can check their app and meet someone through it.

If dating apps could be used in ways that also allows the face to face flirt/meeting, then perhaps things could be more balanced that way. The positive in dating apps though could be that trying to chat someone up face to face brings on a bigger feel of being rejected. Do people agree?
And at the same time , people on dating apps are openly saying "im single" and there is less risk in getting the "i've got a partner" response once approached (as the offine video shows, which i found great!).

Also as you said Tamsinjo, these apps opens up more possibilities! However the video showing how people get addicted is worrying - even if they think they want a relationship and go on many dates to find the right person, will they stop at that once they meet someone great? Or the addiction will never stop and take over the "want" for a serious relationship?

Former Member

Hiya,

Yeah I did see the video it seemed crazy I wouldn't not have believed they needed a clinic for those seeking "help"!
But I can share with you my own personal story...

I "dated" a guy that I thought was "perfect" (I'm going to skip the in's and out's) and basically go to the end he was a cheating shit that treated me awful, everyone could see but me! I finally caught him cheating and I thought my heart was broken. I decided that I didn't want anything to do with men, and I decided to focus on my fitness and look into the joining one of the forces after I graduated, so I could travel the world and help our country. All of my family had genuinely thought I had turned asexual as I just didn't want anyone near me, but I was scared of being heart broken and getting close to somebody else who would screw me over.

Two months later, me and a really close friend were talking. I told her that I really fancied a bit of male attention but didn't want anything that would be too much, just a bit of flirting. She told me about Tinder and suggested I tried it. At first I thought it was disgusting, purely judging people on their looks and short bios seemed like a horrible idea. However soon "Ali" came up. He was a sailor in the Royal Navy, and bloody gorgeous! I added him on Tinder, but kept thinking to myself nothing would come of it, like he would like a girl like me (this was a time I was lacking serious self-confidence!) I suppose I added him because he was gorgeous, in uniform and also could potentially be research for which force I would join. However a week after talking to him everyday I started to like him. EEEK! This was not what I had planned at all - I did not want a relationship, get close, or even start liking a man. So when he asked me on a first date, I refused, he couldn't understand why we got on so well but I wouldn't even give him a first date, so he persisted - two weeks of asking everyday. Finally I said, if I go on one date will you stop asking me, he agreed, so we planned it. Even to the very day I was texting people like ARGH I don't know if this is for me, I even text him something like I feel like your asking me to jump with a blind fold on and me not knowing if there is anything to catch me. I even showed up 45 minutes late on my first date because I couldn't decide.

After 30 minutes of being with him, I knew he was for me, he was perfect, he even made me a see a side of me that I didn't know existed - it sounds stupid, but people always said to me when you meet the one, you will know, I thought that was just Hollywood love story, but I genuinely have fallen head over heels for him, and he has saved me from myself. He is my security, my encouragement, my laughter, my future, the person I vent to. Never did I once think I would be with anyone, especially not "Ali" on Tinder, but this is my story, and we're planning our engagement and looking into buying our first house!

Former Member

Oh wow TheHebb, thank you for sharing that lovely story, its amazing! And congratulations :d:hyper:

Former Member

That's a really good point @christele - that people fear the rejection if you try to talk to someone face to face! I guess if it's online then both can establish whether they like each other/find each other attractive first :chin:

And yes, @TheHebb thank you so much for sharing that beautiful story! It just goes to show that people can find love like this after all congratulations

Former Member

I think "romance" died well before dating apps came along. I'd imagine for a lot of people the problem with things like Tinder is more that they make cheating so temptingly easy.

Former Member

I feel super cynical when it comes to dating apps - I just see them as a way to get a shag! But that's totally from my own experiences. I know of some who have had great relationships from them too.

Has anyone had any dating experience from Twitter? I find that really interesting (I met my boyfriend on there three years ago!), and know quite a few married couples who met on the website. There's definitely a big difference between using Twitter for dating, and actual dating apps.

Any thoughts?

Former Member

Why do you think it is that romance died before dating apps @Spliffie? :chin:

Interesting input there @louisejonesetc! I know people who have met through the likes of Twitter and Facebook too - what do you think it is that makes them different from purpose-built dating apps?

Former Member

I think people might try too hard on dating apps, and create a different sense of self. On Twitter and Facebook, although it may not be a true reflection of your life, you're a lot more 'you', so successful friendships and relationships are more likely to blossom.