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was i raped?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i had a sexual encounter a few months ago and can't stop thinking about it. i barely remember any of it. my boyfriend left me at a party and i drank a lot. the next thing i remember is being in bed with a guy i had just met on top and inside of me. i remember telling him i loved my boyfriend, but i don't remember telling him to stop. i don't know why. I definitely would not of done this sober. i remember enjoying it unfortunately. but that is all I remember. I don't remember how i got into the room undressed or how i left the room. My boyfriend forgives me and thinks I was raped...but it's been eating me up inside. Was it my fault? did i somehow ask for this being too drunk? I'd like to know if this sounds like rape or not.


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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey peabs,

    I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you at that party - it sounds like a horrible thing to have experienced.

    If it all feel a bit confusing, then that's totally understandable. You seem to be going through quite a few different emotions at the moment, but it's important to remember that what happened was absolutely not your fault. From what you've said, at no point did you give him your consent and you're not the person in the wrong here. Remember that consent means actively agreeing to something, so just because you don't remember asking him to stop doesn't mean you consented to it.

    You mentioned that your boyfriend knows about what happened. It's really positive that you felt able to talk to him. Have you talked about it to anyone else?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry to hear what happened.

    If we're talking legally, then yes, possibly you were if you either didn't consent or were too drunk to give consent. If you can't remember then chances are you couldn't give consent, and not screaming no doesn't change that. However legal terms don't always help everyone. What happened wasn't your fault, you were not in the wrong, that's the important thing to remember, much as you might well feel upset or guilty at what happened.

    It's great that your boyfriend is so supportive.
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