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One sided....?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I'm new to this...! I suffer from anxiety-from past horrendous relationships and been cheated on in both. I get my happiness from making other people happy I love doing things for other people...so my now boyfriend of 2 years have just moved in together and I feel like everything's pretty one sided. He's a lovely guy but I over think every little thing....I do absolutely everything for him cook clean wash (standard 'housewife' stuff!) but also buy him presents treat him so sweet stuff even pay out in the hundreds and go out of my way to get his car fixed for example...I don't get a thank you ever and feel totally unappreciated. Do you think I get cheated on because I am easy to walk over!?! I get paranoid as he pays more attention to his phone than to me(playing games most of the time checking Instagram etc) even when we go out for meals....I just feel like I'm not a number one priority and that I do everything and get nothing in return...not that I expect it but a real appreciation of what I do and some acknowledgement would be enough! I'm just feeling really unhappy and he won't talk to me....makes out like I'm a psycho and I'm over exaggerating everything. He does tell me he loves me everyday...but I just feel I need more. I want to save for a future whereas he's saving for a car he can't afford....advice please :( I love him to bits.....I just don't know if I'm 100% happy of of it is my anxiety taking over

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think I get cheated on because I am easy to walk over!?!

    Yes. It is unfortunately very easy to fall into the cracks of complacency if your partner does everything immediately all the time without complaining or asking the SO to help out or do a chore list etc. From this little post, entirely from your point of view it is impossible to say if you are being cheated on, but there is only one solution to a undesireable situation: bring up your concerns, talk out what you want to change, offer solutions, find a compromise. All of this starts with the start of a conversation.

    If your concerns are reasonable and he does not consider them, tries to be accommodating or meet you somewhere in the middle, you will have to simply stop being his house maid. Let him do his own laundry, ask him to do the dishes etc. If he is a lazy bum and does not change, because he knows he can get away with it (honestly, nobody enjoys chores, but they have to be done, but if my house mate would do them all without a peep I would be glad I do not have to do them), because you are such an altruistic person, then I see no future in the relationship.

    Didn't anything of that issue become clear to you before you moved in together? You've been together for two years...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you need to stop doing everything for him? It sounds to me as though he doesn't do those things because where you do them, he expects them now?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi willlow1989,

    This must be a hard situation to be in. You say you suffer from anxiety too, and this unfortunately makes you doubt whether you're "over thinking" or not, which can get confusing. Have you had help around this anxiety and does your bf know about it?
    Sometimes anxiety can stem from your body giving you a warning "protective" sign that what you're doing doesn't feel right or correlate with what is right for you deep down, and perhaps doing everything for him is becoming too much. The problem with having an unbalanced relationship is that someone will always feel unsatisfied and unappreciated, that's why balance and compromise is so important.

    As StrubbleS and Melian have asked, have you spoke to your bf about this? Has he always been this way or only since you moved in together? Being clear about your relationship expectations, balance and effort is really important and being honest about your feelings regarding this (towards him as well as yourself) is not only necessary for the relationship but also for your anxiety. Having a calm sit down together to express your thoughts could really help and perhaps a few compromises could be made.

    Have a look at our article on talking to your partner, as well as anxiety in a relationship.

    Do let us know how you get on *hug*

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