My boyfriend's friends are always there :(

Former Member

I have known my boyfriend for four years and we have been in a relationship for almost 2 and a half years. Things have been great but recently I have been starting to resent him

I see him once a week but I usually stay for 2 nights. Whenever I'm down there the only alone time we have together is when we're sleeping or we're in the house waiting or getting ready to go out. Whenever we do go out lately his friend or friends are always there and it's starting to get me down.

Last week me and my boyfriend were thinking of spending the evening alone together.. we were going to go for food. However his friend invited himself along. I feel like whenever we go anywhere lately there is always someone else there and rarely just us two. An example of this is when I took my boyfriend out for a meal and then to the beach on his birthday (first date we'd spent alone since our anniversary which was 4 months earlier). His friend called my boyfriend a few times and then me eventhough we'd previously told him that we were spending time together for his 21st. It was like he was going to try and invite himself or ask my boyfriend if he wanted to go out. I almost feel like I'm in a three way relationship here!!

I need to speak to him about this asap but I'm not sure what to say? I also don't want to sound like I don't like his friends (I do) or that I don't want him to see his friends. Also does this sound normal? I'm upset and angry as I feel like my needs aren't being met but I just end up feeling like a physco girlfriend

Also to add we are in a serious relationship and have talked about getting married and moving out etc..

Thanks in advance for any replies!

Former Member

You need to make it clear that whilst you don't have an issue with his friends, you want some time alone with him. I admit, I'd be rather pissed off too! I think your boyfriend also needs to learn the word no as well.

Former Member

Hi Bex,

Your feelings seem completely understandable - and at the end of the day these are your feelings - and they are affecting you and how you see this relationship, especially as you mention you're starting to resent him.
Does he ever act annoyed or frustrated by how much his friends contact him and interrupt your time? As Melian says, perhaps he struggles to say no to his friends too.

Well done for wanting to speak to him - this is probably the best way to deal with this. It's normal for you to be unsure as to what to say and you don't want him to think you don't like his friends - but perhaps if you focus on how you feel (rather than how he makes you feel, so he doesn't get defensive) and how perhaps you miss having quality time together, he might take it as a compliment. You could also ask him how he feels about how much alone time you spend together and whether he's happy with the amount.

Have a look at our article on how to talk to your bf/gf which could be helpful.

Do let us know how you get on, good luck *hug*

Former Member

You won't get around of bringing it up to him. Tell him you want to have some "date nights" where it's just you both and if friends call he will have to tell them that he has other plans tonight. Make him understand how important it is for you to spend time with him alone every once in a while. He might very well be clueless.