Heated Discussion with my Parents

Former Member

Seriously can't handle this discussion my parents had with me. I was getting so uptight and tense- just wish they would leave me be.

Apparently I need to be more streetwise, be more of a bitch, have an opinion (as "im in the real word"). Basically saying I need to say things how they are. Saying my friends are bitches , as it's their way or no way and I always just follow what they want to do (according to my parents). Yeah they are right I need to be more assertive, but mum especially is being very one sided.

Basically I was supposed to meet up with my friend (in 2nd year) at a freshers event. Before that I went to the bookstore with people in my course, the manager was chatting away to us for ages. She was really nice , and it would have been rude just to try and walk away. Yet it went into the time I was supposed to meet my friend (I didn't know the time then) so she was annoyed with me and said "when we make plans we need to stick to them". I thought it's partly my fault as I left my phone on silent so I apoligised. Mum thought I should have mentioned the times she and her twin sister cancelled (they have quite a lot but still). And that I need to be more outspoken as I'm in the real world now apparently.

Another thing is she kept comparing me to her- saying she had so much energy when she was my age and said there's "something wrong with me"(directly in those words) as I get tierd more easily. Saying I need a serious health check up blah blah. I don't think things are that bad , yeah I get tierd (plus I have been a lot recently due to mh struggles , which parents don't know about). But just because I can't cope with 5 hours sleep unlike most other 18 year olds (I need my 8/9 hours to function) I'm "abnormal".

Feeling rather upset, angry and tense!

I really need an outsider opinion, please ?

Former Member

This has just confirmed my reasoning for not opening up to my parents

I'm feel like I just want to get away from my parents right now, I don't want to be around them. Also I'm feeling quite distant from my friends too, after the incident with my friend. To think there was hope things would get better, worrying about uni but thinking oh it's okay family and friends are good- doesn't look like it's going to be a good year

Former Member

This discussion triggered some horrible thoughts there. I feel like a bad person for my thoughts. I still feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way....

Former Member

Hey apandav,

I am sorry to hear that the discussion had triggered some horrible thoughts for you, you're not a bad person,

Sometimes opening up to people about mental health can be difficult and we may not always get the responses we want or need, sorry this was the case with you.

You posted this thread early hours of the morning, did you manage to get any sleep in the end?

How are you feeling now? *hug*

Former Member

Thanks for the reply!

I just feel disgusted by what I was thinking. Yes, they were only thoughts and I was tense but still.

Just wanted to clarify I haven't opened up to my parents about my mental health. Sorry don't think I explained it very well! I ment that I couldn't even open up to them about something my friend said - let alone my mental health! It was something small, so how would they react with something so big?

Yes, I did eventually get some sleep. Thanks for asking

Right now, I feel my parents are really getting on my nerves, especially mum. I was organising uni stuff today and she kept in making comments "don't be so OCD'd" , eg. when I wrote a post it note as a reminder and after ironing I got uptight with my dad as I thought he would crush my clothes (so stupid I know). Just to clarify I don't have OCD, it just annoys me, that for once in a while I'm organised and I get this. Secondly, people who suffer from this condition really know all about it, it's unfair to them that people make these abrupt comments- like my mother! In addition, my mums "comments" on MH in general, put me even more off telling her the truth (she also used to make jokes about my therapy and me getting therapy- it's a long, complicated story as to how they know about therapy, but they don't know about my actual struggles etc.).

Also, both my parents keep pestering me to set this app up on my phone. It's a tracker, they want to be able to see where I am. Honestly, I'm 18 years old, went without this all for all my life, but after my parents discovering it they want me to set it up...... I want my privacy and think I deserve it. I can understand if I was out late, it makes sense but otherwise I feel it's an invasion of my privacy. I finally felt I'd get more space after starting uni, obviously not!! I'm actually fearing a lot about the future, and coping- but how will I ever if I don't get my independence?

Former Member

You definitely need to talk to your parents. I know they set one up on my sister's phone because she was going out all hours of the night and they were worried about her (understandably) but it might be that you can come to some other arrangement, like texting them every few hours to let them know you're okay. You are also 18 now, so you theoretically don't have to tell them anything. I suspect it's because you've just started uni and are quite nervous!

It can be really hard when you're that age to get on with your parents. They will be trying to help - but in their own way and not in a way that suits you! I had similar issues with my parents when I was around your age and I didn't actually tell them anything about my MH in the end because, like you, I couldn't handle how they were on smaller issues. Let them know how, say, comments about your sleep make you feel and ask that they don't say things like that. Everyone is different and you are still building your own identity - there isn't a manual for parenting so they are probably drawing on their own experiences to try and "help", just the help they are trying to give you isn't helpful!

Former Member

Thanks plugitin!

It's very conflicting, one minute they tell me I don't need to text them all the time, the next they are asking me to put a tracker on my phone. But I do agree, think it's because I start uni- it's in the city which is busy. I have been in myself before but I will be there at least 5 days a week!

Don't get me wrong I do generally get on with my parents, just certain things really get on my nerves. Still we have our issues - mostly I have trust issues with them! Thanks for being understanding- still won't be telling them about MH! Actually, coincidently my mum made one of those comments tonight. I told her, she didn't listen and kept on joking saying I'm so OCD. Am I justified to feel this way? Do you think I'm being too serious and exaggerating or not? Apparently I am according to my parents and in their words I need to "live a little".

Another "talk" they had with me tonight, is how people really do judge based on your appearance (not that they should, they did say). Yet ages ago they told me to never judge anyone on their appearance (which I don't). They weren't exactly talking about me specifically, but still they are giving me mixed messages??

Yeah, I know they are trying to help! However, there's no need to shout at me (my mum denies it, but she had a raised voice).

Although they have been asking what my opinion is, and the same time they are dismissing it and not listening to me (e.g. The OCD thing).

Former Member

Be you. Not everybody is going to understand why or who you are. But the people who care about you most and deserve to be in your life the most will be there for you no matter what. Maybe they were just trying to protect you?

JustV

Hey Katie,

I'm going to close this thread now as it's approaching a year old and long since dead. There's a bit of information about the unspoken rules - or netiquette - of the discussion boards in our Good Manners Guide which might be helpful to take a look at.

The Mix wrote: »

New and old posts

It's a good idea to check the date that an old thread was started or was most recently added to. As a general rule, anything over a couple of months old can be considered 'dead' and is best being left in its grave. Old threads are left as a reference point - if you are reading them and find something interesting you would like to discuss, you could start a new thread about it.

Four reasons for this:
1. If the thread is asking for advice, any help will be useless after a certain length of time because the problem will have been dealt with.
2. Older posters get frustrated because they saw the thread the first time round, and have to read through it again to check they haven't replied before and that they aren't repeating another poster's comment.
3. Newer posters get confused by all the old and ex posters who originally replied to the thread.
4. The original poster might not want old issues being brought up and bringing back potentially bad memories/feelings.