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Not coping at college
Former Member
Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
My name is Jessica and i started back to college on Tuesday and i haven't been coping at all, i told my tutor and all my teachers are aware of my situation that i have lost two friends to suicide over the summer holidays and i have an anxiety disorder and depression.
I really don't know what to say to you but i guess i just say that im not okay, im not coping at all, i locked myself away over the summer holidays because most days i couldn't even get myself to get out of bed and now suddenly BOOM im back at college and there is so many people and added pressures of work and im completely overwhelmed.
Today at lunchtime i went into town to meet my cousin to catch up and he literally had to force me to go back to college and he ended up driving me back to college and town is like a 10 mins walk from college and we reached the drop off point but i just sat in his car crying because im so confused and overwhelmed with my own emotions and he helped calm me down a bit so i went to lesson and i turned up 20 minutes late to find that i had a new media teacher for that lesson and she screamed at me because i was late, i was too scared to tell her the real reason and as it was a double lesson,after the first hour the teacher went out to get something so i walked out because i couldn't take it anymore, hiding my feelings and how stressed i was to everyone else, as well as working in a group which i wasn't contributing to at all, i headed for the car park where my cousin picked me up and we went into town for a bit and then he took me home, also before going into class i had a panic attack, all my emotions and worries just built up.
I find it hard to even talk to anyone in my class, i just sit in the corner doing my work like nothing is wrong, i didn't do any work in English today because i was so upset and confused with myself, i ended up leaving a note on my teachers table which i wrote while she was at the front of the class talking and it basically said sorry that i didn't do any work today, i wanted to and i understand it but my depression has taken over me today and i cant seem to focus on anything and you probably noticed me zoning out, she emailed me earlier and it basically said i have been told about your situation and i am very sorry for your loss and don't worry about not doing any work, i see you were really struggling and i know you are hard worker as your last English teacher told me how amazing you are.
i wrote down a list of words which describe me and what goes on in my mind while at college and these are:
:no::nervous::crying:
I really don't know what to say to you but i guess i just say that im not okay, im not coping at all, i locked myself away over the summer holidays because most days i couldn't even get myself to get out of bed and now suddenly BOOM im back at college and there is so many people and added pressures of work and im completely overwhelmed.
Today at lunchtime i went into town to meet my cousin to catch up and he literally had to force me to go back to college and he ended up driving me back to college and town is like a 10 mins walk from college and we reached the drop off point but i just sat in his car crying because im so confused and overwhelmed with my own emotions and he helped calm me down a bit so i went to lesson and i turned up 20 minutes late to find that i had a new media teacher for that lesson and she screamed at me because i was late, i was too scared to tell her the real reason and as it was a double lesson,after the first hour the teacher went out to get something so i walked out because i couldn't take it anymore, hiding my feelings and how stressed i was to everyone else, as well as working in a group which i wasn't contributing to at all, i headed for the car park where my cousin picked me up and we went into town for a bit and then he took me home, also before going into class i had a panic attack, all my emotions and worries just built up.
I find it hard to even talk to anyone in my class, i just sit in the corner doing my work like nothing is wrong, i didn't do any work in English today because i was so upset and confused with myself, i ended up leaving a note on my teachers table which i wrote while she was at the front of the class talking and it basically said sorry that i didn't do any work today, i wanted to and i understand it but my depression has taken over me today and i cant seem to focus on anything and you probably noticed me zoning out, she emailed me earlier and it basically said i have been told about your situation and i am very sorry for your loss and don't worry about not doing any work, i see you were really struggling and i know you are hard worker as your last English teacher told me how amazing you are.
i wrote down a list of words which describe me and what goes on in my mind while at college and these are:
- confused
- lonely
- trapped
- stressed
- upset
- darkness
- pressure
- hard
- exhausting
:no::nervous::crying: 0
Comments
I noticed you posted this a while ago and it got lost down the list of threads. I hope it helped to write this all out, sometimes that can help to clarify our thoughts.
How are you doing now? Have the college been supporting you?
Let us know how you're getting on *hug*