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Long distance

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

To cut a long story short I visit my family at least once a year in the Balkans for a couple of weeks. Last month while I was there I met someone through my aunt (her hairdresser) and we met up for a drink. It went really well and we went on a few more dates and by the end of my time there we were spending full days together. It was going so well, that I booked to go back for 10 days in November and we were both delighted about it. I was really, really happy.

Since I got back 2 weeks ago things haven't been the same. At first, I uploaded a couple of photos of us together to Facebook which she demanded I remove, because "she doesn't have those kinda photos on there" and "she has her customers on Facebook and they will talk". I accepted this, and then we carried on texting for a few days until I sent a nice message saying I miss her loads etc, to which she said "forget about me, freely". And "I won't be angry". I was hurt and confused, but left it a day and carried on talking to her, but she then gave me really blunt, short replies, replying 6-10 hours after a message. This occurred for a few days until we spoke over the phone and everything was great again.. Until yesterday morning when she tried ringing me. I did not answer because I was in town with my friends, and I explained that I was busy in town with friends and also that I don't like speaking a foreign language in public because people look. She called me disrespectful, said I've got on her nerves and then later she said "don't talk to me, again. Ever". I've not spoke to her since. I'm not sure if me going to Ibiza with a few Mates this upcoming Monday for a week could have anything to do with it? She's not said anything about it though.

The thing is, the way she has been behaving since I got back home is completely in contrast to the girl I met over there. She was so nice, polite, friendly, funny, romantic and we got on amazingly. We exchanged romantic calls and texts in between seeing each other it was looking up really well. Now I don't know what on earth is going on? Could any females on here possibly have an insight to what could be causing this behaviour? Or any guys experienced anything similar? Any thoughts and advice would be really appreciated.


  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi southerncomfort. For starters, sorry to hear this is happening! It certainly does sound confusing.

    Unfortunately it's hard to know why she's behaving like this. I think really the only advice is to really talk to her about it. You should be completely honest about how her actions make you feel. This article about people being hot/cold in relationships would be a good read for you. Do let us know how things go and please do make sure you're happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could be a number of things, none of which are positive I am afraid. She is not that interested obviously, could be that she has someone else lined up, that she is not coping well with the distance at all or that she simply is not that into you. Either way "forget about me, freely." and "Don't talk to me, again. Ever." Should be very telltale signs that her heart is not in it. Just take what she says for face value and look for someone who brings less drama into your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When on holiday, romance can be sparked off by the time we become relaxed and more carefree. The lady who seemed all luvvyduvvy was I expect, enjoying herself when totally relaxed. However, a holiday romance is just that; go home and you forget the person you enjoyed time with.

    I am so sorry you went through all that in the hope of something coming good. She was mean, but probably wanted no more than a little flutter. It was confusing for you and she should have been honest from the outset. I believe you acted honourably and was very nice and polite, but some people like that woman got cold feet. I suggest you forget her. No point in carrying on when she's already voted with her feet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She probably just wanted a nice little holiday romance with you. It was a dick move on her part to let you book a flight back in November and she should have been honest from the outset.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Perhaps it's just that she's got misgivings about starting anything serious when you are long distance, and she is lashing out instinctively.. or perhaps she has something else upsetting going on in her life...perhaps her feelings have changed... perhaps she is scared about how strong her feelings are... there is really no way to know why she is acting like that! You could try talking to her about it but as she's said not to speak to her, perhaps it's best to give her a bit of space. Maybe send a text in a few weeks letting her know that you are keen to talk (if you still are). Try and see your trip back in November as an opportunity to see family and just drop her a line whilst you are there and see if you can chat face to face.

    I don't think it's fair to dismiss her as 'crazy' - insecurity can make people behave in strange ways and it might just be that she's trying to protect herself from getting hurt. However you don't know her that well, and you need to think about yourself first. Try not to worry too much about it for now. If it's meant to be, the next time you are in the area you will see her and you can get to know each other even more.
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