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beginning of the end

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My partner and I have recently had a baby, but due to my mental health deteriorating my baby has been placed in the care of my parents. When social work were explaining to me what would likely happen if she went into my parents' care, I asked whether it would be possible for my daughter to be returned to my care again- they said it would be unlikely due to the fact ny daughter would have formed an attachment to my parents and she requires stability. I went through with it and signed my daughter to the care of my folks without explaining what was said to my partner. Later when I tried to explain it would be difficult for us to get our daughter back, he went mental. He said he was leaving me and actually applying for sole custody of our daughter himself. I was terrified he was never going to speak to me again so I backtracked on what I said and he now thinks that my daughter is going to be returned to us. I now dont know what to do- I have began to emotionally distance myself from my partner so that it wont hurt so much when it all comes out that our baby can't come home with us. I can't talk to him any more and sex now feels like part of a routine instead of an expression of how I feel. I'm actively planning my suicide for when all of this hits the fan because I honestly can't lose them both. I feel like I'm simply waiting to die now and it's affecting my ability to function on a daily basis. I don't want to eat or see any one, I don't bother with housework or washing myself. I've started drinking again and know I should stop but cant see the point of trying.. I just need some help and reassurance at the moment, if that's okay?


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have no idea how it's possible for you to sign away your baby without letting the co-parents have a say in this matter. You either come clean to your partner and try to get the baby back and make the improvement of your mental health your 24/7 job or I don't see a future for you both. I am still flabbergasted how you did not consult with the father. It's his child too.
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    SarahRSarahR Posts: 213 Trailblazer
    Hi Nietzsche

    It sounds like there's a lot going on at the moment and it's causing you to feel quite overwhelmed. I'm sorry to hear you've had to make the decision to place your baby in your parents' care. It sounds like it was a difficult decision to make and your partner's reaction hasn't made things any easier.

    It's not clear from what you say whether he was required to be consulted before you made this decision, however it might be that he's feeling hurt that he wasn't involved and is taking his hurt feelings out on you now. This doesn't necessarily mean it was the wrong decision, but it's worth considering his feelings when you think about what the next step might be.

    It sounds as though it's not going to be straightforward to have your daughter returned to the care of you and your partner, and so he will need to be told the truth. How would you feel about getting some support either from your parents or a social worker in breaking the news to him? It might put you under less pressure if someone else is able to help you explain how the decision was made and what will happen going forward.

    It also sounds as though you're in need of more support at the moment as you're having some very difficult feelings and have started drinking again. Well done for reaching out on here in the first instance. Would it be possible to contact a social worker or someone else you see on a regular basis and let them know how you're feeling? If it's difficult to talk to your partner, it sounds important that you have someone who knows what's going on.

    Let us know what happens,

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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Niet,

    Really sorry to hear what's happening. From what you've said, it sounds as though things are starting to spiral, which seems to be affecting the options you're considering right now.

    SarahR's talked a bit about your partner, which appears to be a massively important part of the way you're feeling. I also get a sense that there are additional layers here. You mentioned that your mental health was deteriorating before your daughter went into your parents' care. Can you tell us a bit more about that?

    You also said that you're actively planning suicide when your partner finds out how hard it might be to get your daughter back. I can totally understand that the thought of losing them both must be devastating, especially if it feels like you're on your own. But you don't have to deal with this alone.

    To talk to someone one to one you could try Papyrus, which has a hopeline specifically designed for people under 35. They offer non-judgemental support, practical advice and information and you can reach them by phone: 0800 068 41 41, email: pat@papyrus-uk.org and text: 07786 209 697

    There is also Samaritans - jo@samaritans.org is good if you'd just like to write out all your thoughts without having to modify yourself - being able to release distressing thoughts and feelings is exactly what it's there for. You might want to check if there's a walk-in local to you as well as it can be comforting to be listened to face to face - http://www.samaritans.org/branches

    Keep us posted,
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Nietz, I just wanted to pop by, and offer you *hug*s you know where I am if you want/need a chat or a rant. Here for you :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Strubbles- I know, I'm counting down the days until it all implodes.

    SarahR- To be honest, I have no idea what's happening at the moment in regards to what's happening in regards to getting Amelie back. Being apart from her has made me feel even worse and not having her as a distraction has meant i've been drinking too much. I've been referred to an alcohol prevention service in my area which I will be utilising but I don't feel it's going to help much- I'm probably far too selfish. Officially it's only a 12 week assessment period in regards to getting Amelie back but I feel that this is just going to draw out for ever and ever due to my slip ups, or until they finally decide that she's been too long in the care of my mother and that it would be "harmful" for her to come back to us. I have tried explaining all of this to my partner but whenever I mention the possibility of her not coming back to us he simply tells me to not be stupid and that we're going to get her back. I don't have the heart to push the matter because I don't want to upset him/cause an argument. I've spoken to a CPN about this who has deemed everything to be due to my "poor self esteem" which doesn't exactly help that much., Also the fact I've admitted that I've been having problems with substance abuse is going to act as a massive black mark against getting her back meaning the above scenario is even more likely to occur.

    James- Thanks for the information about various helplines, I've not found them to be that helpful in the past but at least I know they are an option.

    BananaMonkey- Thanks for your support- I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate it *hugs*
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