I don't try hard enough

Former Member

Hi

My boyfriend told me he feels i don't try hard enough in our relationship. Like i don't appreciate all the things he does do for me and that i should show my appreciation more. But I don't understand how. I wasn't even aware that I wasn't trying hard enough.
He says i don't show that i love him enough.

Anyone got advice or personal experience?

Former Member

Impossible to say if you don't show your love/desire enough, or if he is just really demanding, so go have this discussion with him. Ask him, that you were honestly oblivious to this problem and if he can elaborate.

Some women may have this outdated world view that they themselves are the price and the man should be grateful and happy to have them. They don't need to initate sex, they don't have to say "I love yous" first, the don't have to initate a hug, a kiss, so if you don't count yourself to these women, then you will have to ask him to explain himself. What kind of affection do you give him, what kind of affection does he give you?

Also, while I am not super sold on that phenomenon, many people swear to the existence of the "5 love languages", which you can quite easily google (i.e. there are 5 different classes of affection and different people "speak" a different love language). Maybe you just give him the "wrong" kind of affection (like acts of services, i.e. you cook for him, but he prefers physical touch).

There is no way anyone can give you precise information, maybe some suggestions. If you want to get to the bottom of this you'll have to have a productive conversation with your boyfriend about this.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Also, while I am not super sold on that phenomenon, many people swear to the existence of the "5 love languages", which you can quite easily google (i.e. there are 5 different classes of affection and different people "speak" a different love language). Maybe you just give him the "wrong" kind of affection (like acts of services, i.e. you cook for him, but he prefers physical touch).

That's funny, I was reading through your post Kathy, and I also thought of the 5 love languages before reading StrubbleS post. Briefly, and in simple form, they are:

1. Saying something
2. Doing something
3. Giving something
4. Spending quality time
5. Touch/physical contact

I just wanted to say that, in my experience, a lot of people find it useful to have a think through which languages they"speak", and which their partner understands.

Is it possible that he also shows you affection in ways you don't register as well? (for example, maybe he says nice things, but you'd like to spend more quality time).

It might be useful to think about which ways you each show more, and if you could try some others?