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Parent Problems!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys I'm fairly new here :D I was so happy to find this site because it's difficult to talk to people sometimes.



Anyway...

I'm starting to get fed up of living with my parents now things are just difficult and they always tell me to move out because things would be quieter without me. Lovely right!? I always have to put up with them saying horrible things and then they complain when I give them "attitude" back.

I have a part time job so I earn £400 a month. If I work extra hours then I can earn anything between £500 and £600 but I really have to work my ass off as getting overtime in my company is a nightmare! Anyway.. my parents used to take £80 a month off me for rent/keep which I was a bit annoyed about at first but eventually didn't mind. However a year ago my parents had a falling out with my boyfriend and I got the blame for most of it even though it wasn't my fault and my parents decided to put my keep up to £200 a month. I refused to pay as it's half of my wages which I think is unfair. They threatened to kick me out when I didn't pay so I had no choice but to give in. For about a year now I have been giving them £200 a month when I only earn £400. Does anyone think this is unfair?

Also I saved money for a car but had to borrow a few grand off my parents and we made a written agreement for me to give them £100 a month to pay off the loan. I pay them £300 a month including rent and the loan. They have recently started threatening to sell my car. Surely this isn't right if we've made an agreement?

What are people's views on all this?

Enough of my moaning now anyway.. I'd love to hear some of your family and parent problems and I'd be more than happy to give advice :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your version of this is genuine (you know how there is always 2 sides to a story) then yes, this is unfair and your parents blow donkey dong.

    Is there any way you can move out cheaply? Like moving together with your bf, maybe you are starting college/university and there are dorms? I understand fully that you want to get out of your parent's house and it sucks that they don't assist you. Tell them if they want you to move out, taking three quarters of your pay check is not going to speed up the process. So either they cut you some slack so you can save up or they they keep taxing you like a cruel king his serfs, but then you can't see ever having the money for it. It can only be one of those two.

    What are you doing besides working part time? School? Is there any way to find a full time job?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your reply StubbleS :)

    My side is genuine of course, I wouldn't lie. Obviously there's two sides but 90% of the time they start it. I'm 20 so I'm still hormonal and still struggle with mood swings but they should try their best to understand that or if they can see I'm already in a bad mood then they shouldn't wind me up.



    My dad especially has been violent to me in the past, throwing stuff at me, threatening to hit me and has actually punched me and cut my lip a few years ago now.

    They'll be horrible to me and then complain when they get the same back. You're supposed to treat people the way you'd like to be treated yourself. I have a brother and sister who are about 5 years younger and they get away with everything. This is a bit silly but yeah for example this morning I walked into the bathroom and threw a pair of my socks at the side of the sink to be washed (couldn't get to the sink because my sister was there but they landed on the cabinet by the sink) she then shouted at me and told me to f*** off and so then I replied with the same and my parents told me off instead of her. She also told my parents that I threw my socks right in her face. You can kinda see what I mean now.. I feel like I get treated unfairly.

    Even if I moved out with my boyfriend it would be terrifying and expensive. I've finished college too so I can't even move out into a dorm. And I will have to try that but I'm not sure it will work. Is there someone I can talk to about them taking too much money off me? Technically it's stealing so.

    I'm not in any education and trying to find a full time job is a nightmare but I'm trying to get another job alongside my other job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Finding a full time job should be your top priority if you are out of education. If you finished college already I'd say it's prime moving out time. Your living situation sounds awful with your narcissistic parents, but as you've understood yourself if you want to get out of there you'll need the funds of a full time employment anyway. Idk where you live but moving in with someone with a part time job should be possible. You'd just need the safety deposit, and as soon as you're out, your parents can't make you pay them money anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi bex,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    Sorry to hear that your situation at home is making you unhappy :no:

    It's really hard to live with family sometimes and it seems like there are lots of things that have been bothering you and just seem unfair. A lot of the time, in these situations, things are only talked about in times of anger and frustration - so it could be worth actually arranging a "meeting" with your parents, sitting down, and mentioning everything that's on your mind, point by point in a calm manner.

    In terms of the financial situation, perhaps making a list of all your expenses and explaining to them how much you actually need to be able to live your life properly could help. As StrubbleS said, if they really do want you to move out, then letting you save for a deposit would be more useful long term than giving them the money.
    Even in terms of your feelings (how they act towards you, your siblings etc) making a list of how you feel (rather than how they made you feel, which could seem attacking and therefore they will simply act defensively) could help.

    Is your dad's violence something that happens a lot? If this is a regular issue and you feel unsafe (for you and/or your siblings) then its worth contacting other friends or family to stay at theirs or it could even be worth exploring the idea of housing benefits or contacting Women's aid / Refuge.

    Do have a look if you can on our articles on Problematic parents and how to live with parents.

    Do let us know how you get on *hug*


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Christele :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Bex, if your father is continuing being violent to you, then here is Child Line, a free service where you can phone any time, and their number will not appear on your parent's phone bill. These people are professionals. They were very good to me when I was desperate. https://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Bex, if your father is continuing being violent to you, then here is Child Line, a free service where you can phone any time, and their number will not appear on your parent's phone bill. These people are professionals. They were very good to me when I was desperate. https://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx


    She's 20 so I don't know if they will be much help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »


    She's 20 so I don't know if they will be much help

    Nevermind though thank you, instead Bex could contact this fine UK site whose help caters for people of all ages: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all the advice ☺️
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bex wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice ☺️

    Let us know how you get on. When visiting CA, have a small list as a memory jog and carry a pencil and spare paper to make notes on.
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