She didnt tell me she had a boyfriend

Former Member

Hey folks.

Just wondering what to do with this one. She's a coworker from a different deptartment. I've had very mixing signals from her over the last few months but at the same time she's like super friendly, until that is of a recent work nights out. Most recent one, she kept pulling me onto the dance floor etc and kept me close to her pretty much all night. She laughed and we laughed etc etc. I was slowly working my way in and already gave her a few cheeky pecks on different areas around her face and kissing her hand as she responded with her melting giggles. Everyone was drunk. She then went to the toilet, then one of the guys was like you need to get her to leave her boyfriend and get with her and I was thinking what the f.. at this point. Why did she not mention this?

Back at work now, and so I've not spoken to her except for a "hi how are you" as she passed by.. Feeling awkward..

Should I confront her? I'm starting to develop some feelings but I'm not one for ruining people's relationships.. but at the same time I don't even know if could trust her if we started but a friend said to me "if she wasn't interested, she would've said that she had a bf to push you away"

So I don't know whether it would be a good idea to confront her or not.. Anyone been in a similar position??

Yes she gave me her number that night before she left but I don't wanna text her out the blue

Former Member

Yea, she probably is interested, but I think you hit the nail on the head: How could you ever trust her not grinding onto other dudes and giggling while they shower her in pecks while you sit at home and do some spreadsheets or making a stew.

What I'd do is ask her if she has a boyfriend (maybe the co-worker is no up to date and they broke up already, but that's reaching), if she still has, I'd stay away, tbh.

Former Member

Hi lostguy28,

StrubbleS is probably right - asking her is the safest option. Do you think you would be comfortable doing that? Just through a light conversation in passing perhaps, if you're not ready to tell her how you feel yet (depends on her answer i imagine!). This will hopefully help you understand her behaviour in the last few months - at least there will be no misunderstandings and you'll know the truth from her mouth. It does seem like she has been flirting with you (whether she wants a relationship or not who knows) but perhaps she's been holding back for anything official to happen because of her status.

Good luck and do let us know how you get on :yes:

Former Member

Thanks for the responses! Well I had a brief chat with her before she shot off for her holidays. She did mention she was away with a "friend". Thinking back, thinking a lot.. What does that actually mean?

If I could ask her indirectly in a way that would be good haha! While she's been away I've been asking another co worker to see if she was seeing anyone but she doesn't know either or heard about her status in a while so it's still an uncertainty. I'll just have to wait till she's back and see if I can get an excuse to meet outside of work reasons, including night outs!

Former Member

So it turns out that she does have a boyfriend but my colleague found out via facebook as I've actually not seen her about at work.

There was another works night out and I was hoping for her to be there so I could say to her along the lines of "hey, I really like you bla bla but I know you have a boyfriend etc, I want you to be happy however if anything was going to happen between you two, I'd love to take you out etc etc" something sincere like that

Now, she wasn't out so I couldn't do anything but the guy that had been encouraging me and initially told me to get her to leave her boyfriend told me this - "she likes you". He said he was trying to tell me but he obviously struggled to when his blood steam was filled with alcohol lol

Whether this is true or not, I do believe him after all these signals and looks I get off her and it feels like it's just something to throw in the mix of confusion. And especially how she mentioned she was going on holiday with her "friend" when it was actually her boyfriend.

Is she just keeping me as an option?

Shall I still say to her what I was going to say?

Or just keep clear?

Former Member

I was about to say, she could be keeping you as an option, and putting your reservations aside, I think she's worth a second try.

She needs to be told that she has broken your trust somewhat in not telling of having another boyfriend, but give her a chance to explain. Maybe she's unhappy with her boyfriend? Maybe he's doing or saying stuff that she's unhappy with and is on the lookout for a new boyfriend. So I feel she should be given another chance. A chance to give honest explanation to you; you deserve nothing less.

Putting aside all these things, she obviously likes you even in the giggly sort of way and after you have spoken to her might turn out to be of alright.

Former Member

I was about to say, she could be keeping you as an option, and putting your reservations aside, I think she's worth a second try.

She needs to be told that she has broken your trust somewhat in not telling of having another boyfriend, but give her a chance to explain. Maybe she's unhappy with her boyfriend? Maybe he's doing or saying stuff that she's unhappy with and is on the lookout for a new boyfriend. So I feel she should be given another chance. A chance to give honest explanation to you; you deserve nothing less.

Putting aside all these things, she obviously likes you even in the giggly sort of way and after you have spoken to her might turn out to be of alright.

Former Member

AccessDenied wrote: »

I was about to say, she could be keeping you as an option, and putting your reservations aside, I think she's worth a second try.

She needs to be told that she has broken your trust somewhat in not telling of having another boyfriend, but give her a chance to explain. Maybe she's unhappy with her boyfriend? Maybe he's doing or saying stuff that she's unhappy with and is on the lookout for a new boyfriend. So I feel she should be given another chance. A chance to give honest explanation to you; you deserve nothing less.

Putting aside all these things, she obviously likes you even in the giggly sort of way and after you have spoken to her might turn out to be of alright.

Thanks for the reply.. Yeah, that second option to her is really kinda annoying even though it's kind of good if she may be interested? Not sure if shes unhappy with her boyfriend but she's not that active with it and kept pictures quite subtle but it is obvious that she enjoyed her holiday with him. I wonder how I can say to her in the work place or maybe if somehow catch her when finishing up lol.. what a mess - really need this off my chest

Former Member

lostguy28 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply.. Yeah, that second option to her is really kinda annoying even though it's kind of good if she may be interested? Not sure if shes unhappy with her boyfriend but she's not that active with it and kept pictures quite subtle but it is obvious that she enjoyed her holiday with him. I wonder how I can say to her in the work place or maybe if somehow catch her when finishing up lol.. what a mess - really need this off my chest

You best offering goes like this, while smiling in a friendly way, "So . . ...how's it going?"

Former Member

AccessDenied wrote: »

You best offering goes like this, while smiling in a friendly way, "So . . ...how's it going?"

Thanks man, see how it goes. Just seems like a crappy place to do it by the water machine or whatever haha! We'll see lol

Former Member

lostguy28 wrote: »

Thanks man, see how it goes. Just seems like a crappy place to do it by the water machine or whatever haha! We'll see lol

Then move her from the water machine to somewhere else more private (not a stairwell since sounds tend to travel) and give her time to share. You know, all girls just love a little box of choccies.