How often should/can you bring up mental health issues in a relationship?

Former Member

I'm sure most of us would agree that it is beneficial to be open and honest about any mental health struggles you have with a partner; when everyone is on the same page it can really make life easier and the load becomes more manageable when you can share it.



However, is there a point where you can talk about it too much? Has it ever felt like your partner is just constantly checking up on you rather than looking out for you in a healthy way? Feel free to share ideas about how you can manage this dynamic, how you've handled any problems related to it, and any other experiences you want to come forward with.

Former Member

Personally, I think I became too overbearing in my last relationship. Partly guilt driven and partly because I cared so much, making sure my other half was okay and checking in became a bit too frequent. In hindsight, I should have left it more up to her whether or not she wanted to talk about anything or to tell me when she was struggling more than usual. Though, knowing she felt so much comfort and reassurance having someone there who did ask (as far as I could tell, almost no one else did and even the occasions where someone did, they didn't understand or know how to be tactful), it just felt like the right approach to take most of the time. I guess my biggest regret is that I didn't give her more credit for being able to look after herself and actually not needing me around as much as it felt like she did. Towards the end of our relationship, I actually remember her saying she wished I didn't treat her like her illness (something I didn't even realise I was doing at the time). In that respect, I sort of wish she had come forward earlier and put me in my place about the way I had started acting. Though, maybe she didn't realise until that point, either. Loads of potential rabbit holes to go down here, but I'll leave it at that!

The one good thing that came of it is that I'm much more aware of how to go about it now, I think. It was certainly a learning curve for me in a lot of respects, as will most things in life!

Former Member

I don't think the relationship should be completely about the mental health issues and it shouldn't be used as an excuse for not doing something on the part of one person. I agree there should be space to talk about how the person is feeling and for them to get comfort, help or whatever from their partner but I've also seen relationships where the other person has become a quasi-carer and that has come to dominate the relationship. That to me feels awkward and slightly weird in terms of a carer vs sexual role.

I think it should be the one who is suffering should be the one to bring up in conversation how things are and if they want to talk about it; neither you nor your relationship is the sum of the illness but instead should be a safe space if required.