boyfriend troubles, new baby. Lying, no trust.. Need advice :(

Former Member

Hi this is going to be a very long post,
Need some serious advice please

Me & my fiancé have got a 6 week old baby boy, couldn't be happier about it.

I have major trust issues and huge jealousy problems wen it comes to any partners past, their exs and past sexual partners/encounters. It's something that I find very hard to live with yet I do try my best and am getting help for it.

My partner knew this when we first got together and promised to treat me properly & aaid he would never cheat etc etc.
Throughout our relationship he has lied a lot! Not about anything too huge I suppose. He knows how I feel about his past and so he took all of his exs and past sexual partners off his Facebook.

Now I won't go into what he used to lie about and our past arguments because I've gotten over them now but when our baby was 3 weeks old, he went out for his best friends birthday (best friend had been planning it for weeks so I didn't have a problem with him going) he had to stay at his parents house that night as his best friend lives in his old hometown.

Whilst he was out, I text him for the first time just asking him if he was okay and having a good night.
He didn't reply yet he had time to go online on Facebook. So I decided to log onto his Facebook & I saw he was messaging one of his friends asking for drugs.

I was of course very angry as he used to take them but when he got with me he stopped. Then the next morning I noticed he had added a girl he had slept with before back on his Facebook.
I text him in the morning asking if he had taken drugs and his exact reply was
"Why would you even think that?"
I came clean & asked why he took them and why he added the girl back on fb & his excuse was that he was drunk.
I then found out he had gone round to a girls house (where the girl he added back on fb was)

We spoke about it and I moved on from it, .we have been arguing none stop recently and we had a few days apart. We sorted out our differences and spent abit of alone time with each other and things started to look better.

Then I saw he had been watching porn whilst I've been in the house and even on our anniversary. I told him it makes me feel like I'm not enough for you etc etc.

Anyway, a few days ago, he had a dodgy text from a number referring to a dodgy site and he claimed he didn't know what it was. We had a discussion and he said I'll show you my emails to prove I haven't been signing up to dodgy sites.

He showed me one of his emails then when I asked to see his other email he started making up excuses and looked really worried, after forcing him to show me, I saw he had signed up to a site called localmilfselfies whilst baby was 3weeks old. I got very upset and we worked things through again!

Then I logged onto his email to look for myself cos he wouldn't let me look anymore and I saw he has been signing up to these sort of sites since I've been pregnant, i don't understand why as our sex life has always been good apart from after birth (obviously) and on the one he signed up to recently, it asked what he was looking for and he chose the 'sex' option.

He doesn't know I had a look myself, and I've also seen images on his phone he's downloaded of very naked women. Again I don't mind him having pictures of women on his phone but I do mind when it's very close up of their private parts! Sorry for tmi lol!

I just really need some advice, now that this has all happened I can't trust him in the slightest and I think about going on his phone, Facebook bs email constantly! And I was never like it before.. I always tried respecting his privacy.
Am I overreacting by being very upset?
Is he treating me badly?
Very confused as to what to do right now
Sorry for long post l, thank you in advance for any comments

Cat88

Hi Charlie, first of all welcome and thanks for being brave and posting - I hope we can help you.

I think there are a couple of things to address here, one of which is your struggles with trust. There is a great article here which I'd encourage you to read and see if it helps at all.

Beyond that though, it sounds like there are some quite big things her that he's doing which upset you alot. I'm afraid you probably do need to really talk this through and you understand why he's doing what he's doing, and he understand why it upsets you. I think you are right to be upset about some of this though, but it does depend on your background and boundaries as a couple so some people will be more upset than others. If he knows how you feel though, it isn't really fair to be doing things he knows will upset you - so you need to talk to him.