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Intimacy Communication Trouble

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My fiancee and I are late 20s, together for 12 years. We are starting to open up sexually again with each other except with communication as we are both shy with talking about this stuff. However, I worked hard to open up and now I send her texts, write her letters, whisper in her ear, talk dirty to her, etc. throughout the day I tell her my fantasies, wants, desires, etc. (which she likes) no matter how nervous I get; but she still wont say a word or give me any info to use or her. A week ago I had her doggy style and very gently, lightly and carefully spanked her ass twice (never did this before) which she knows I like. Problem is, due to lack of two way communication on the subject I have no idea if she liked it or not, if she wants it again, or if she wants to be spanked harder; it's like getting info from a brick wall, even when I directly asked her if she liked it and if she wanted to be spanked harder by me, I got no answer, just an ambiguous grin and small shoulder shrug leaving me even more clueless on her stance. What do I do? How do I get an answer?
I liked spanking her and conveyed this to her along with endless compliments on her ass and told her I would love to spank her as hard as she wants during sex; yet still no response. How do I navigate these waters and find out if she likes it or not?


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    SarahRSarahR Posts: 213 Trailblazer
    Hi GotAQuestion,

    It sounds like you're feeling confused about what your girlfriend wants sexually, as she's not been able to open up to you in the same way as you have with her. There are lots of possibilities for what she might be thinking (she could still be feeling shy, she could not know what she wants and feel embarrassed about it, she could be feeling uncomfortable or she could be totally OK and just not very vocal!) and it sounds like you're aware you need some clarity from her before you go any further which is really positive.

    Ultimately, the only person who can shed some light on what's going on is your girlfriend herself! It sounds like she's hesitant to talk to you about sex, so you could try talking to her more directly about her feelings without bringing up what you do in the bedroom to see how she responds. Saying something like, "I really enjoyed what we did, but it's really important to me that I know for sure that you liked it too?" could help her to open up to you.

    I hope this is helpful. TheSite also has an Ask a Question service for 16-25 year olds where you can ask about a relationship problem and receive a personalised answer here: http://www.thesite.org/relationship-advice/ask-about-relationships

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