If your friends don't like your boyfriend or girlfriend, should they tell you?

Former Member

I imagine a lot of us have had friends get together with someone who we don't like so much, or don't think is a good match for them.

If you were with someone and your friends didn't like your boyfriend/girlfriend, what would you like your friend to do? Should they be honest and tell you what they don't like and why? Or should they keep quiet and keep things nice between you all?

Do you think you'd listen to a friend if they told you someone was a bad idea?

Former Member

Depends entirely on why they don't like her. Are there any glaring signs I disregard? Is their a sincere concern? Or are they just jealous or miffed that she is taking time away from them? I mean I am at an age now, where we trust our friends to do right decisions and we don't interfere with their choices, except backing them up if they come to us to complain or if they need advice.

Yes, I listened to my friends who warned me of someone. I did not immediately get away but it was at the back of my mind and I probably knew best of all how bad this for me was, but I needed to convince myself. It helped me to come to terms with it more quickly.

Former Member

I've told friends I didn't like their partners (and the partners), but only if I'm asked or it's blatantly obvious. It's not my place to say they shouldn't be with their partner, but I tell them not to expect me to be friendly with them and be interested and not try to force a friendship with them. Like Strubbles, I've listened to friends' problems with their partners I've not liked, sometimes it just falls on deaf ears and I just ignore the whole thing and leave them to it.

Former Member

Sounds like agreement around people making their own decisions. What do you think is the most supportive thing you can do for friends in a relationship - whether you like their partner or not?

Former Member

very interesting topic! i've had both good and bad experiences - I've told two friends that I didn't think their boyfriends were treating them right (I still stand by that they weren't), one just de-friended me completely and the other just respected my opinion, but then when they broke up about 6 months later she said I'd really helped her see that he wasn't good for her. but I'm still glad I did it in both cases, I was genuinely doing what I thought was right for my friends.

Former Member

Cat88 wrote: »

very interesting topic! i've had both good and bad experiences - I've told two friends that I didn't think their boyfriends were treating them right (I still stand by that they weren't), one just de-friended me completely and the other just respected my opinion, but then when they broke up about 6 months later she said I'd really helped her see that he wasn't good for her. but I'm still glad I did it in both cases, I was genuinely doing what I thought was right for my friends.

I find this to be the best approach. Often times people in abusive relationships often lose sight of the woods for the trees. A little outside perspective can at least sow the seed of doubt so they look at their relationship more critically. I don't feel particularly sad for friends who immediately unfriend you and ignore you. I think it's a form of denial. They simply don't want to face the music and there is nothing you can do to help them. If they willfully chose to be miserable, then more power to them.